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Original poster

Was it going too far?

195 replies

Copyright · 12/05/2006 12:48

Last saturday me and my partner took the kids (two boys aged 5 and 7) out to a museum.

Half way around DP announces that he needs the toilet, I told him it was on the way out so he tries rushing us around the museum and then says "I really need to go now, where is it?" so I told him and he runs off to use it.

Me and the boys continue walking around the museum and arrive at the toilets around 5 minutes later, DP is still in there. We have another walk around the Egyptian gallery and then make our way back to the toilets about 10 minutes later...DP is STILL in there. We wait around the toilets for another 10 minutes, the kids are getting bored and starting to play up...DP is still in there...

After a while the boys start knocking on the door telling him to hurry up, he ignores them...my youngest then tries the handle to make sure he is actually in there and DP tells him to get away....10 minutes later the boys start saying things to him through the door such as "hope you're not making it stink" and "other people need to use the toilet you know..." and then they make a little song that went "Daves on the toilet for hours and hours, he makes it smell, he makes it pong..." etc!

I let them carry on because:

a) I was annoyed with DP for spending so long on the toilet everytime he goes.
b) I was annoyed with DP for eating so much crap meaning he would be stuck on the toilet for ages
c) I was annoyed because the boys were playing up (before they started tormenting DP!) and I always seem to be stuck looking daft
d) I was bored! we'd been stood there waiting for over half an hour and couldnt go anywhere else without him.
e) I felt he'd spoilt the museum trip.

When DP came out he was furious and said that the boys had embarrassed him acting up like that in a public place...was I in the wrong?

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 14/05/2006 10:53

maybe you should give him more atention..ask him what he would like to do this afternoon, have a dinner date together ..both have a golf lesson or go clay pigeon shooting or something?

WelshBoris · 14/05/2006 10:54

Makes my working day go a bit quicker though beety

NotQuiteCockney · 14/05/2006 10:55

Yes, funny. IBS is often stress-related, and can involve constantly going from constipation to diarrhea and back again.

I'd think a gentle "maybe you should have a chat with your doctor, it seems like this is unpleasant for you, does it hurt?" would be nicer than "you probably have IBS, which is abnormal and unfair for us (!!)"

NotQuiteCockney · 14/05/2006 10:56

I hope this is a pisstake (pootake?) but fear it is not.

beety · 14/05/2006 10:56

hmm, first time of posting and asking about dh lavatory problems

zippitippitoes · 14/05/2006 10:57

also if he has a psychological problem then he may try and not go which makes it worse..tbh I don't think you are likely to be helping at all

SSSandy · 14/05/2006 10:59

Don't you think that by monitoring his toilet time, you're going to focus on it even more than usual and get even more annoyed with it?

He's your husband and not your child so I don't know if you can really do this without showing a lack of respect. I like reading when I'm on the toilet although I couldn't say why. Maybe he just thinks in there, goes off on daydreams. I think you should try to be more laid back about it. As for health problems, he's a grown-up, let him decide to see a doctor on his own. I know you mean well but I don't think it's really appropriate here.

I would suggest making some changes to his diet without being heavy handed about it (dried apricots, prune juice, linseed sprinkled on his musli... less meat). Could you get in the habit of going for a walk together in the evenings after your evening meal, take up a sport together?

Concentrate more on his good points, and try to oversee this thing with the toilet or shrug it off with a light-hearted, kind joke - everyone has some flaw or other - I know I'm not the perfect wife.

shellybelly · 14/05/2006 11:00

poor bloke would probably be mortified if he knew his toilet trips were being discussed like this

shellybelly · 14/05/2006 11:01

agree sss, it does seem by keeping the diary its fueling the annoyance but then again maybe some people enjoy that

SoupDragon · 14/05/2006 12:18

Haven't read all of this but WTF are you doing keeping a diary of your DHs toilet trips? Get a life!

I would not have let my dSs behave like that inpublic, no. I think it was embarrassing and unnecessary and your DH was right to be furious.

coppertop · 14/05/2006 12:47

I didn't think you were actually serious about keeping a diary! Shock

snafu · 14/05/2006 12:49

This is a wind-up, surely?

lou33 · 14/05/2006 14:43

when my ulcerative colitis flares up i can tell you it's bloody agony, and i could easily spend 30 mins in the loo

wannaBe1974 · 14/05/2006 15:34

I reckon this is a troll. keeping a diary? hmmm.

MamaMaiasaura · 14/05/2006 15:37

k i am giving you the benefit and thinking you are not a troll. Right I think you were bang out of order. Does DP have IBS? How embarrassing for someone to have medical problems there and esp a guy finds it hard to seek help. He could have real issues there.

Shit stinks, please dont tell me yours smells of perfume ffs.

jasper · 14/05/2006 16:20

Leave the poor man alone.
Toilet habits are personal.
Don't allow your kids to make fun of him from outside the toilet door.

2mum · 14/05/2006 17:37

I think you are being attention seeking copyright. The poor guy needs to poo, leave him alone. Your yapping is making him constipated, he cant squeeze one out without you freaking out. Why dont you really ruin his life and sit outside the toilet door with a stopwatch. Lighten up copyright you wouldnt like it if he timed your bowel movements. In all seriousness you going on about it is putting him off and making him take longer. Could you go to the toilet with your children singing a song about your poo outside the door in a public loo, i wouldnt think so.

NotAnOtter · 14/05/2006 17:41

only on mumsnet

MrsSpoon · 14/05/2006 17:41

Has anyone recommended Gillian McKeith? Grin

On a side note spotted my DS2 on the loo last week, he was grunting away, on seeing me he declared "it's hard work Mummy".

2mum · 14/05/2006 17:43

Grin gillian mckeith

NotAnOtter · 14/05/2006 17:43

in my house its the other way round - sorry if tmi but i feed them too much veg!

PanicPants · 14/05/2006 17:44

lol Mrsspoon, how sweet!

Rocklover · 14/05/2006 23:17

I'm sorry Copyright, but you must have a really boring life if you are constantly angry with your DP for going to the loo. Does he know that your monitoring him? Why does it matter that he has to go to the loo when you're watching a DVD, he's missing it, not you! If this is a major problem in your relationship I honestly don't feel it is worth staying in...especially for your DP. In all honesty if my DH did this to me I would leave him, I would not even have to think twice about it; not only is monitoring his toilet trips rude and childish, it's also quite strange. I feel you may have more issues than your DP. Also, please don't feel you have to post all your DP's toilet trips on here, I'm sure he would agree that the whole world doesn't need to know when and how long he is in the WC. Sorry if this seems harsh to you, but I think your attitude and behaviour is odd, I really think you need to ask yourself if you love this man at all.

Original poster
Copyright · 20/05/2006 13:04

Thanks for the messages,

I realise some of you think I'm being silly but I'm pleased that some of you also see the seriousness of this problem.

After telling DP that he probably has IBS he was still not willing to do anything about it so as already mentioned I kept a toilet diary monitoring what times he went to the toilet, how long he spent in there and the after smell. The diary went on for a few days and in this time I also discussed his habit with his mother and brother to see if it was something he had always done.

Anyway yesterday I showed MIL the diary and she agreed it was not normal and so we decided to confront him together about it along with the diary and he got really cross and stormed out. Angry I cant believe how selfish he is being, as long as he's ok he doesnt care.

We're still not talking but Im planning to have restrictions put on the bathroom to force him to hurry up etc.

Those of you with IBS, have you ever found any stratagies to cope with it?

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 20/05/2006 13:06

I'm not surprised he got cross.. I would have smashed the house up