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Original poster

Was it going too far?

195 replies

Last saturday me and my partner took the kids (two boys aged 5 and 7) out to a museum.

Half way around DP announces that he needs the toilet, I told him it was on the way out so he tries rushing us around the museum and then says "I really need to go now, where is it?" so I told him and he runs off to use it.

Me and the boys continue walking around the museum and arrive at the toilets around 5 minutes later, DP is still in there. We have another walk around the Egyptian gallery and then make our way back to the toilets about 10 minutes later...DP is STILL in there. We wait around the toilets for another 10 minutes, the kids are getting bored and starting to play up...DP is still in there...

After a while the boys start knocking on the door telling him to hurry up, he ignores them...my youngest then tries the handle to make sure he is actually in there and DP tells him to get away....10 minutes later the boys start saying things to him through the door such as "hope you're not making it stink" and "other people need to use the toilet you know..." and then they make a little song that went "Daves on the toilet for hours and hours, he makes it smell, he makes it pong..." etc!

I let them carry on because:

a) I was annoyed with DP for spending so long on the toilet everytime he goes.
b) I was annoyed with DP for eating so much crap meaning he would be stuck on the toilet for ages
c) I was annoyed because the boys were playing up (before they started tormenting DP!) and I always seem to be stuck looking daft
d) I was bored! we'd been stood there waiting for over half an hour and couldnt go anywhere else without him.
e) I felt he'd spoilt the museum trip.

When DP came out he was furious and said that the boys had embarrassed him acting up like that in a public place...was I in the wrong?

OP posts:

Rocklover · 12/05/2006 13:58

Copyright, I am sorry to disagree with everyone on here, but I think that what your boys did was rude. You should have stopped them, no matter how justified you think you are, letting kids misbehave when out is just asking for trouble; also they could lose respect for their father. I have IBS and frequently have to go to the toilent urgently, sometimes without warning and I can be stuck inthe loo for ages. Only my family know about my condition because usually when I tell other people they are not sympathetic and think that I am weird; as if I asked to have this problem! It sounds like your DH may have a bowel condition and should see the GP about it. I would imagine from your post that he has not talked about this to you, possibly because he thinks you will just brush him off or be mad with him. Give the guy a break, if he did that to you, you would be livid and rightly so!!! In fact I am pretty mystified at your attitude, how could he ruin your day just by being a bit long in the loo?

monkeytrousers · 12/05/2006 13:58

I didn't think masturbating actually but erm..drugs. Sorry, I just knew someone who used to do this and we were all mystified until we found out. Sorry, don't take it personally please, it's just a way out thought..

fairyfly · 12/05/2006 13:58

Does it take 30 minutes to have a wank?

Just talk to him.

Dior · 12/05/2006 13:59

Also, in your original post, you mentioned being angry at him for 'eating so much crap meaning he would be stuck on the toilet for ages'. That seemed a little unfair.

How is your relationship generally? I don't know if you are still around...

NotQuiteCockney · 12/05/2006 14:00

rickman, it can, with IBS. You can get an amusing mix of diarrhea and constipation, cramping, pains, etc etc. I have had this sort of thing happen in public, but not for quite a few years - since having kids, I stopped work, which reduced my stress level a lot. I also eat better now.

If I was having an attack in public, it would be unpleasant and stressful enough, without kids mocking me from outside the bathroom door.

I agree that it's not good that your DP can't talk about what's going on with his gut. But mockery (and hitting people!) isn't an appropriate response.

Rocklover · 12/05/2006 14:02

In fact I have to add that I am absolutely dumbfounded by some of the comments on here, the majority of posters have obviously never suffered with a stomach complaint! How would you like to be in a public loo caught short with a possible bad tummy with people knocking at the door and embarrassing you?

Dior · 12/05/2006 14:03

beckybrastraps · 12/05/2006 14:04

I agree with Rocklover. I wouldn't let my children behave like that. I WOULD wonder why he was taking so long, but I would ask him afterwards, in private.

beety · 12/05/2006 14:05

agree with ff, not sure why he did not say anything. still no excuse for foul mouthed behavior though..

Original poster

I'm still here, thanks for the comments :)

Im going to record his toilet habits this weekend and then try and talk to him on monday, if he does need to see a doctor having his habits written down might help him realise.

OP posts:

rickman · 12/05/2006 14:06

I suffer with mild ibs and I either suffer with the need to go urgently or don't go for days, I've never had to sit there for ages. Obviously, it means different things for different people.

Did you ask your dp copyright, why he was so long?

Everyone seems to be assuming that he has a medical problem, which he may well do, but it is obvious that Copyright thinks it is another issue.

This definately seems to occur more among men than women ime, do men just take longer or are they hiding out? I don't have the luxury of a 30 min bath let alone poo.

NotQuiteCockney · 12/05/2006 14:07

I think keeping track of his toilet habits might annoy him. I'd just ask him about it, gently.

Part of the reason why IBS goes undiagnosed, in general, is people don't know what "normal" toilet habits are.

Is his diet generally poor?

fairyfly · 12/05/2006 14:08

Im sorry but pmsl at record his toilet habits.

Cant you just be honest with each other?

bluejelly · 12/05/2006 14:09

Me too ff, quite astonishing to have your partner timing your toilet visits!

beety · 12/05/2006 14:09

me to ff. Am imagining copyright hiding behind the cistern writing notes

cod · 12/05/2006 14:10

my dh spends ages pooing
think tis to egt away from me

rickman · 12/05/2006 14:10

Also, I did use to know someone who would have a wank in the loo, not normally when out though.

beckybrastraps · 12/05/2006 14:10

OMG - you can't record his toilet habits! He IS an adult! Just talk to him about it.

fairyfly · 12/05/2006 14:12

Imagine being presented with a book at the end of the weekend with the times you'd gone to the loo.

nellie245 · 12/05/2006 14:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shellybelly · 12/05/2006 14:12

I'm sorry but i thought this was a piss take and after reading some of the post decided to hang back abit but on reading them again, well imo its bloody childish and not a good example to set to kids, reading the reasons A thu to E I was gobsmacked but even more so at reason D, I think this runs much deeper than someone being in the loo for 30mins

Rocklover · 12/05/2006 14:12

This thread is turning bizarre, if my DH dare record my toilet habits, he wouldn't have a DW for much longer!!!

beety · 12/05/2006 14:12

at 2pm on friday 12th the defendant was found.....

fairyfly · 12/05/2006 14:15

12/05/06
11pm.
Time spent: 12 minutes
2 brown marks down left of basin, flatulated twice.

Rocklover · 12/05/2006 14:16

Also copyright, if he does have IBS or something, it is quite possible your boys could also develop it as many of these conditions are inherited. It would be worth, for their sakes if nothing else, having a grown up conversation with your DP about this (if he's still talking to you).

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