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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Was it going too far?

195 replies

Last saturday me and my partner took the kids (two boys aged 5 and 7) out to a museum.

Half way around DP announces that he needs the toilet, I told him it was on the way out so he tries rushing us around the museum and then says "I really need to go now, where is it?" so I told him and he runs off to use it.

Me and the boys continue walking around the museum and arrive at the toilets around 5 minutes later, DP is still in there. We have another walk around the Egyptian gallery and then make our way back to the toilets about 10 minutes later...DP is STILL in there. We wait around the toilets for another 10 minutes, the kids are getting bored and starting to play up...DP is still in there...

After a while the boys start knocking on the door telling him to hurry up, he ignores them...my youngest then tries the handle to make sure he is actually in there and DP tells him to get away....10 minutes later the boys start saying things to him through the door such as "hope you're not making it stink" and "other people need to use the toilet you know..." and then they make a little song that went "Daves on the toilet for hours and hours, he makes it smell, he makes it pong..." etc!

I let them carry on because:

a) I was annoyed with DP for spending so long on the toilet everytime he goes.
b) I was annoyed with DP for eating so much crap meaning he would be stuck on the toilet for ages
c) I was annoyed because the boys were playing up (before they started tormenting DP!) and I always seem to be stuck looking daft
d) I was bored! we'd been stood there waiting for over half an hour and couldnt go anywhere else without him.
e) I felt he'd spoilt the museum trip.

When DP came out he was furious and said that the boys had embarrassed him acting up like that in a public place...was I in the wrong?

OP posts:

zippitippitoes · 21/05/2006 10:10

i don't think you can treat your husband like this..it's despicable

NotQuiteCockney · 21/05/2006 10:13

Copywright, please do leave him. You're making his life a misery and bullying him rather horribly. How would you feel if someone did this sort of thing to your kids?

One good coping stragegy for IBS is to reduce stress. A good way to reduce your poor DP's stress would be for you to leave him.

(I really really hope this is a pisstake, but I fear it isn't.)

NotQuiteCockney · 21/05/2006 10:13

What should he do when the bathroom smells bad? Magically make it disappear? Start pooing roses?

fuzzywuzzy · 21/05/2006 10:15

You're being incredibly mean, it does sound like he has a problem.

I don't see how putting time restrictions on how long a grown adult can spend in the toilet, and being physically violent towards him is going to help matters tbh.

I can only imagine the reaction you'd get if he hit you in the stomach because you needed to use the toilet.

Out of curiousity are you trying to make him leave you???

Original poster

I'm not a violent person but just lately I have been getting very violent tendancies towards him, he irritates me so much I feel like destroying his belongings and just beating the crap out of him, he's like an animal burping and farting all the time, he makes the place stink and he also makes a mess not tidying up after himself leaving crisp packets all over etc. The kids are sick of him and Im sick of him, I wish he would leave, yes.

OP posts:

Kathlean · 21/05/2006 10:21

You children have no respect for this man and that is of little surprise as neither do you.

As some of the others have said do him a favour and leave him before you or your children do him some real harm.

zippitippitoes · 21/05/2006 10:21

then you should be discussing splitting up with him not bullying him

NotQuiteCockney · 21/05/2006 10:22

Then please leave him, rather than bullying him like this. (Also please consider getting some anger management counselling?)

Do you want your sons to think that this is how women should treat men? Do you want them to grow up to live with women who bully them?

zippitippitoes · 21/05/2006 10:23

quite possibly you are making him ill with your behaviour..he really is in a no win situation

2mum · 21/05/2006 13:41

Copyright, i cant believe you. Who the hell do you think you are? Do you and your kids never shit, fart or burp? The bloke deserves better from life than to spend it in misery living with you. At least your kids have an excuse for acting like that as they are only kids. Whats your excuse for being so chidish? And youll have a hard job finding a bloke wholl put up with your behaviour you`ll be a lonely old woman if you dont catch yourself on.

SaintGeorge · 21/05/2006 13:44

Is this still going?

Whichever just leave before the violent tendencies are brought out in a whole bunch of MNers.

TIA

blueteddy · 21/05/2006 14:02

You are making your poor DH's life Hell. You cannot punish him for pooing!!
It sounds like he may have IBS or something similar, which is made worse with stress.
I really hope this thread is a wind up.

NotQuiteCockney · 21/05/2006 14:04

I worry too about the example Copywright is setting for her kids. Do they go to school and bully their classmates, the same way they see their mum bully her "partner"?

2mum · 21/05/2006 14:08

I think it would be really worrying if this is completely true, cos copyright cant even see what shes doing wrong. Im hoping this is a hoax but either way i feel angry.

Freckle · 21/05/2006 14:12

I get the impression that CR's partner is not the father of her children and as such he is seen as fair game - i.e. her and her children against someone who is not really part of the family.

As someone who suffers from IBS (although not with the same symptoms described here) I would be mortified if the people I had chosen to spend my life with made a huge, public joke out of the problems I have to deal with.

CR clearly has absolutely no respect for her partner nor understanding of his situation. It would be interesting to know the domestic set up - did she move in with him or him with her - as this may explain why she is behaving in a way which is clearly designed to get him to leave rather than her having to be inconvenienced in any way.

zippitippitoes · 21/05/2006 14:15

We don't hear very much about men in domestic abuse situations, I hope he gets help. I'm shocked.

Munz · 21/05/2006 14:17

get a grip woman. I think u're just plain rude and out of order. if the house smeels what's wrong wiht leaving the window in the bath room open and a couple upstairs, maybe the kitchen as well to keep the air circulating, most of these air freshmer thingys just mask the smell.
if I did that to my DH, well. really. monitering their toileting habits and then telling them how long they could go for, and as for talking to his mother!

I also think it was out of order you allowed your boys to do that in public - althou i'm of the don't cause a scene in public school. shame on u for encouraging your children to treat your DP this way.

and yes as an IBS sufferer I have days where I can be on the loo every hour on the hour for 10 mins, or 3/4 days without going or have the urge to go there and then then get there and sit on the loo for half hour b4 anything happens and then it's only a fart . suggest you try to find out if there's a prob with his food - my IBS is triggered by fizzy and loads of wheat products so I don't drink fizzy and have cut back on wheat. also dairy can effect it.

def a troll I think.

Hoopoe · 21/05/2006 14:34

Is he eating a lot of processed food? Is he eating enough fruit and veg? His toilet habits are extreme, but it sounds like a genuine problem. You can't manufacture farts and bad smells on demand. My brother had an infected colon as a baby and had 1/3 of it removed. Consequently he spent ages in the bathroom and the smell was diabolical. Violence and humiliation aren't the way to deal with this. Take him to the doctor and help him sort it out, or leave. Don't abuse him.

moondog · 21/05/2006 14:37

rofl at this thread.
I suspect someone very norty of fabricating porkies about menfolk all over MN recently.

tigermoth · 21/05/2006 15:06

copywrite, you asked a question -'am I going to far?'

YES you are.

Your latest posts IMO show you don't deserve to be with this man and he doesn't deserve to be with you.

nixnoo · 21/05/2006 15:07

this is hilarious!! I think copyright started off seriously and is now just having a bit of a laugh, imagining these extreme scenarios, and stringing us along!

Well I hope so........

tigermoth · 21/05/2006 15:07

I smell a troll too - and it's not copywrite's partner.

fattiemumma · 21/05/2006 15:10

what is it with men and toilets? they alwasy seemt o take forever in there.

HappyMumof2 · 21/05/2006 15:27

if you are not a troll then I think you are mad and that your dh could have a serious problem (apart from you that is) I hope he doesn't, but fgs he could hav bowel cancer or something.

You are probably making him ill through stress.

fattiemumma · 21/05/2006 15:34

ooh actually speed read the last few posts by you Copyright.....erm if your hubby punched you in the stomach becasue of one of your habbits that he found irritating ( im sure if ressed he would find a fair few) im sure you would be calling the police!

i hope for your childrens sake you are a troll and not an agressive violent and quite frankly mental person.
i think yes your hubby does seemt o spend a long time in the toilet, he may have IBS or something which could well be adressed by seeing a Dr but you my dear have some derious anger probs and need help

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