After the overwhelming support I've received on my thread I had to start another. Well I didn't have to but I have found all the advice so helpful that even if I only receive one more piece it will help.
I'll try and post the link to the full sorry story. Never linked on my phone before so it may not work.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1722750-This-doesnt-look-good-does-it?pg=40&order=
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Relationships
Last train to Loserville Part 2
999 replies
LoserNoMore · 07/04/2013 21:55
OP posts:
lazarusb ·
23/04/2013 09:21
LNM - I understand what Cabbage is saying - maybe I jumped in with both feet! I said what I did because it is easy to waiver (and normal). To compartmentalise, rationalise, remember the good bits, he can't really have done that to me...the whole thing. I stayed with a cheating bf as teenager until I just didn't love him any more. I wish I'd had the self-respect to walk away the first time but I kept thinking 'well, he always comes back to me' 
I sometimes wish I could see him again and tell him that I was far too good for him & everyone could see it except him!
I went back to ds1's dad several times too, despite abuse. Again...self-respect & self-esteem not my strong point! But dh is the opposite. He changed the way I saw myself. He, as a result of his hard work, knows that one step out of line and it's over! What Fairenuff said is true re:Dove. We can always see our faults but rarely do we see what makes us the strong & amazing people that we are! You are a strong woman dealing with a terrible time and doing really well 
imshera - so sorry to hear about mrs. It never just rains does it? I hope it's been caught early and she can focus her strength on getting better and kick h and sil to the kerb as and when she is ready. There is always the other place and a name change if she wants to come back to mn.
JaxTellerIsAllMine ·
23/04/2013 09:34
imshera oh poor mrss. I can only send huge hugs, any possibility of a namechange and Other Place, maybe PM those of 'us' she would like to know was her. In the meantime I am so pleased she has you. Would you mind keeping us up to date of how she is? Hoping it is early stages and she gets better.
LNM you will get past 147 - I did, took me aaaaaaaaaagggggggges
cabbage a good friend of mine is in same position you were - now 14 months on, she is still with H but its not good, she is still mentally in same place as when she was told of affair. 
self esteem rock bottom and it scares me and her other close friends.
KatieScarlett2833 ·
23/04/2013 16:12
All you need to do for CC is firstly make sure you are linked up to facebook then uninstall app from phone, reinstall it via App Store, click on the box that says FB when it opens, then voila 5 extra lives!
I'm still stuck on 165 though 
swallowedAfly ·
23/04/2013 16:42
hey lnm - i get that - the not being able to be with someone who betrayed you like that. i know oh everyone says that mentality but i'm literally the same. i think for some of us it is a very simple black and white issue if you like. i think i could possibly forgive someone sleeping with someone, realising what they'd done and immediately coming to me and saying jesus i fucked up so fucking terribly and i am so bloody sorry etc etc. it is possible i could rant and rage and calm down and forgive them an idiotic mistake - because we're all capable of idiotic states and being momentarily selfish, self absorbed, childish and whatever.
what i know i could never forgive is someone lying and deceiving and doing something behind my back without telling me. i couldn't forgive them the disrespect and deceit and i could never forgive them the cowardice (re: i could never ever respect them as a grown up again).
it's just part of who we are and not even a decision really. what is incredible is that he didn't know about you. you didn't know he was capable of this and he utterly underestimated who you are in your values and self respect and core of who you are.
i cannot imagine the disrespect and utter lack of care involved in sneaking around behind the person who you're meant to be sharing a life with's back and not being overcome by the need to be honest. i literally can't imagine EVER being able to do that. so why on earth would i want to be with someone who could do that?
sorry long tangent of ME!
i have had chicken drama and weird work quandries today so possibly overly in need of distraction hence venting all this at you. i hopeyou've had a good day.
Juniperdewdropofbrandy ·
23/04/2013 16:50
What a kick in the teeth for you.
I agree with Loulybelle he'd still lie.
I hope you can start to get on with your new life without this dick? x
imtheonlyone ·
23/04/2013 17:00
Oh what a day lnm!! Of course you feel crap having seen that - again, showing himself to be the out and out liar that he appears to be!! Probably like Max on Eastenders - he can't have the steak because he betrayed her trust and she won't have him back so now is settling for the burger! (You are obviously the fillet of all steaks 
)
It's never ceased to amaze me how much men are ruled by their dicks! They can profess to be madly in love with you but still be fucking someone else. Either that or they move on to the next woman very very quickly.
You will get these 'first' experiences. Like seeing them together, or a dd's birthday, Christmas etc. really hard to deal with the first time but then gets better as time goes on. Try to look on it as further conformation that you're doing the right thing (as if you needed more!). What a total idiot he is
imtheonlyone ·
23/04/2013 17:03
What you gonna call the new thread? Please tell me there will be a new thread!
swallowedAfly ·
23/04/2013 17:32
i've had them before (ex-bats who were taken in the night by a very determined fox in the depths of winter) but these two i've only had since saturday. today was the first day i let them free range in the garden whilst i was at work. came home to one looking shell shocked but fine in her house and one nowhere to be seen. assumed the worst even though the idea of a fox clambering over gardens full of geriatrics getting their garden gadgetry out for the first day of the year (seriously they seem to live for mowing their lawns and trimming their bushes) seemed highly unlikely. picked up ds and told him the bad news only for said chicken to suddenly appear in next doors garden. went and retrieved her much relieved and another neighbour from 3 doors down in the other direction appeared to tell me the other one had been in her garden that morning and they'd brought her back and put her in her house.
their wings were clipped on saturday but clearly not well enough. they've managed to get over fences and hedges and have a bloody good free range today 
am on the wine rather early and have ordered takeaway after all the drama. they are really young (10 weeks) so very light and presumably that makes flying escapades a lot easier. my last lot could barely get a foot off the ground but they were ex battery hens who'd been stuck in cages so i guess not prime specimens of athletic ability.
now aren't you glad you asked for my long boring chicken story!?
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Xales ·
23/04/2013 18:27
Sorry you saw them together it can't be a real surprise though. Are you going to let him know that you did?
Wait for the excuses...
'They were off to the Dr to confirm the pregnancy'
'They were off to the abortion clinic'
'He was seeing her one last time to tell her he loved you'
What ever he tells you it won't be the truth as he is incapable of that.
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