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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

help

521 replies

spook · 25/01/2004 13:14

Please help me. I discovered last night that my husband of 10 years who I love to distraction is having an affair with a young beautiful work colleague whom he says he loves.We have 2 boys aged 4 and 7 and were up until a year or two ago the greatest love story.
I have suspected this affair for a long time and given him countless oppurtunities to come clean.He has lied and cheated for a year.
Please help me.My life is crashing down.

OP posts:
Twinkie · 09/02/2004 14:34

Hoorah - I am soo pleased for you - of course this is not the end of it but is hopefully the start of a new happy phase for you two.

I am sitting here crying - what an old wally I am!!

Good luck - maybe showing him this thread now would help him understand your feelings??

sykes · 09/02/2004 15:11

So pleased for you, Spook - lots of luck.

ks · 09/02/2004 15:17

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Blu · 09/02/2004 15:21

Oh Spook, I'm so pleased that he has admitted that his bahaviour towards you has been founded in guilt. I daresay that there will still be some tough emotional times for the two of you before this is finally behind you, but you have shown such dignity and resolve. I haven't been posting on this thread, as I have no experience or advice that wasn't already being offered, but I have been thinking of you.
XXXXX

spook · 10/02/2004 12:10

Oh God.Just when you think things are getting better. I found out this morning that he sent her a card from London last week.He says it was nothing.Has to think about her feelings too.The one thing I am clinging to here is the fact that he sent it before this weekend when I think we made a huge breakthrough and turned a corner.But what does he think he's doing??? It means he is STILL lying to me. Any contact with her is going to make her think it's still going on-there's still hope.
He has apologised and said he realises it was a big mistake.But how will I EVER trust that man again??
I can't let myself be built up just to get knocked right back down again.God,why is life so complicated.For the first time in this whole thing I am starting to feel really stupid.Like she's STILL got one over on me coz my husband's still sending her cards.I just can't keep living like a zombie living on my nerves and cigarettes.My insides are shot to pieces.When will it get any easier?

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beetroot · 10/02/2004 12:13

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AussieSim · 10/02/2004 12:22

Spook, I'm so sorry that things have been thrown up in the air for you again. I have been only lurking on this thread as I have no direct experience, but he just doesn't sound to me like he really really knows that there were no excuses for his behaviour and it is just plain wrong and that he has to cut all contact.

As a woman who met her man in the workplace I would say that continuing to work with her will present problems. It would be better if one of them changed jobs - is that possible?

Good Luck!

Bugsy2 · 10/02/2004 12:52

Oh Spook, I feel for you so much. You are so close to where I was a year ago and I wish I could offer you some really good advice. The only thing I can say is look out for yourself in this, as no one else is going to.
I think I may have posted this earlier but you cannot make your H want to make a go of things, only he can do that. Perhaps you should set some kind of time-limit in your own head for sure and possibly with him too, whereby you say that you'll try really hard over the next x weeks, x months, but if he isn't giving it his all, then you'll know it is not what he really wants.
It would give you a bit of time to get your head around things and maybe him to.
Huge cyber hugs to you.

spook · 11/02/2004 07:11

Hi everyone.Well,things couldn't really be much bleaker.I guess you could say my husband has reached the angry stage.Last night we had such a humdinger that I nearly hit him.He said some very very cruel things to me last night.I went out with a couple of friends and I think we had both had too much to drink.I can't even remember all that was said but the crux of it was...if I'm dissappointed in him then he's been disappointed every morning for the past 2 years.I'm a crap mother.Said he loves those boys unconditionally but I only love if I get something back off them.I said I clothe and feed them and he yelled NO he clothes and feeds them-all I do is put the order in at Sainsburys and wait for it to be delivered.
Says he's tried really really hard to feel terrible and a shit for what he's done but he just can't.Basically it's all my fault. He even said (in the heat of the moment I might add) that if I didn't want him to have an affair then I should have made love to him more.I know I'm no angel and I know our sex life had taken a serious dive and I know I'm hard to live with sometimes but surely no human being deserves this.He is equating the way I was in our marraige with what he has done.That can't be right can it???
God,there's so much more.I'm sure it will all come flooding back to me as the day progresses.And to top it all I've just started my period and have got terrible tummy ache.Oh Spook. Sort yourself out for f**ks sake!

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WideWebWitch · 11/02/2004 07:48

Spook, he's a cheeky f and there's no way that HIS affair is YOUR fault! Definitely not. He has free will and you didn't make* him do this - he did it all on his own. Sorry you had such a terrible end to your evening and that your H has stooped so low.

Epigirl · 11/02/2004 08:59

Spook, sorry I've been lurking and not posting as I have had no experience of this and there are others who can offer such good advice but I wanted to say I am thinking of you and think that you are so strong to keep on going through all of this. xx

Sonnet · 11/02/2004 09:07

It's his fault - he had the affair and not you....he is acting like a child and trying to dodge the responsibility of his own actions...
I still think that his business problems have a lot to do with this situation and in particular are behind some of the things he said last night...
I so so hope that you feel more positive soon - I do so admire the strength you've shown so far...
You will be in my thoughts today....

Janstar · 11/02/2004 09:17

Hi Spook. What a mess. There may be things your dh has not been happy with, and it might be quite valid to mention these - but his reaction to it is his responisibility and no one else's.

If someone has grievances with their partner, they should deal with it inside the relationship. If my dh was unhappy with something in our marriage I would expect to be given the chance to make my own mind up whether or not I was prepared to do something to change things. It is not fair of him to resort to an affair and then tell you it is your fault.

If only he could be made to understand how devastatingly hurtful it is to be betrayed and lied to. He is still covering up his guilt by looking elsewhere for an explanation all the time. If I felt so upset with my dh that I wanted to start another relationship I would break up with him first and then start with someone else - no matter what he might have done to cause my unhappiness. I am responsible for my own behaviour.

Your dh is trying to distract you and himself from that very basic principle. I wonder if it has occurred to him that a man who is conducting an extra-marital affair is bound not to be giving the attention and care to the marriage that he should. I would be impossible not to steal from the wife to give to the mistress in terms of attention, time, effort, energy, patience, affection, etc. If, therefore, he has not been putting 100% into your marriage, he can hardly complain that you haven't.

I think it is worth listening to his grievances and discussing them, but no way would I accept the blame for the affair on that basis. The responsibility for that rests with him and him alone, and until he is prepared to accept that and act accordingly, you are going to get nowhere with trying to rebuild things.

sobernow · 11/02/2004 09:19

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Sonnet · 11/02/2004 09:21

Janstar - how true and how well said...

sobernow · 11/02/2004 09:21

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Twinkie · 11/02/2004 09:25

Well Honey a big roll of Black Sacks would be on my next order from Sainsbury's I can tell you.

Do you think it was the drink talking and just a big lapse and he does really feel remorse and guilt or do you think he was putting it on and trying to act like he had those emotions??

And as for you being a crap parent, you just know that is a load of bollocks - him shagging around is hardly the actions of a great father is it - he bloody can't even just end his relationship and do it he has to do it behind your back and make you unhappy - which has an effect on your beautiful children.

And the not having sex - did he actually make yuo feel like you wanted to make love to him - when will these men get it into their heads that they are not allowed to act like bastards and we fall at their feet - they have to be nice and charming and at least make us want them - ggggrrrr!!!!

I am sooo cross for you!!!

marthamoo · 11/02/2004 09:28

Spook, I have followed this thread from the start but haven't posted as everyone was giving you such great support and advice. You have a lot of re-building do to together, if you want to make it work - I think you have been so dignified and strong through all of this. But don't ever let him try and pass the blame on to you - he had the affair, not you. None of it was your fault. I really do feel for you. Take care xx

jmg · 11/02/2004 09:55

spook
I did try to warn you that your emotions (and his) will be like a pendulum for a while. As I said - one day you'll be the one he wants to be with so he'll be nice - the next day she'll be the one and so he'll be horrid! And so on and so on ad nauseum!

It is awful and it is not very dignified for either of you - but it is just part of the process, I think. He's been a complete s to you and he needs to justify this somehow. He just can't face the fact that he's a horrible B*!

I think you really do need to be apart at this time - even although you may want to work it out later. Then both of you have a chance to go through the mood swings and have murderous thoughts without being in a continual slanging match. Also the more that is said during this phase, by both of you in the heat of the argument, hte more difficult it is to try and build the relationship later on, as too much hurtful things have been said.

Please, please tell him to go - that you are not holding him in a relationship against his wishes. You can even go so far as to say, 'I love you, but I am not going to fight for you, I want to be in a relationship with you because you have chosen to be with me and to love and cherish me, not because I have clung on to you by my fingertips'.

It is hard to do, but you need to be strong right now - don't be a needy person to him - use your friends and us for that

spook · 11/02/2004 10:10

Hi everyone.I have just found out that after all the things he said to me last night he then texted her.He got a text back from her this morning saying "Me too!XX" He won't tell me what he texted but it doesn't take a genius to work out it was I love you or miss you. So he has gone.That's it.He obviously loves her-I don't think he loves me to do what he's done.I've told him I don't want to see him or hear from him in a very long time.The ony thing that upset him was the fact that I'd have to tell the boys.Not the fact that our marraige was over. So that's it. I'm 36 and a single parent. Great.I'm OK right this second but I know tonight after I pick the boys up it will hit me.

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beetroot · 11/02/2004 10:14

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easy · 11/02/2004 10:19

Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry, but I think you've done the right thing.

Don't be surprised if he tries the "I'm sorry, I was wrong" speech in a couple of weeks tho' I understand they nearly all get the remorse feelings after they've actually left.

Thinking of you. Keep posting if you need us.

Blu · 11/02/2004 11:03

Hold tight, Spook. You have done the right thing to preserve your dignity, and I hope that will give you some strength over the next few months. He had no right to make you live in the humiliation of not knowing the whole story.
So that's it. You're 36 and a fantastic Mother to two lovely boys, a strong, intelligent woman whose capacity to love has been wasted (to his own detriment) by a man who has not recently deserved it. Onwards and upwards, Spook, and keep posting.

Twinkie · 11/02/2004 11:07

Here Here - never attach any of your self worth to a man - not having one does not make youless of a woman - it makes you more of a person IMO - you have to be stronger and more resiliant for a start.

I hope things start to change for you but make sure if youhave him back at any time that he is doing it because he wants to be with you - and it si nothing to do with the children and most of all make sure she is no longer part of his life.

sobernow · 11/02/2004 11:18

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