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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This doesn't look good does it?

999 replies

Loserville · 02/04/2013 19:37

My dh left for work at 5pm, 10 mins later I get a text from him 'Hi sexy, get your boobs out'. I just replied with a ? And had no reply.

He never sends text like that to me thank god so I'm thinking it was meant for someone else. Why send me a text like that after just leaving the house 10 minutes before.

It looks suspicious doesn't it? Or else it's a pathetic attempt at spicing things up Confused

OP posts:
whatkungfuthat · 03/04/2013 15:07

So sorry this has happened. He will know by now about that text, whoever answered is bound to have mentioned it. At least he can cut the bullshit and start telling the truth. I don't know how you had the restraint to not kick him in his stupid head when he was sleeping.

TheOrchardKeeper · 03/04/2013 15:08

And what he's done isn't really redeemable, as he had no intention of coming clean & would've happily lie to you until whenever. WHo knows how long. Get hi out asap & concentrate on yourself until the worst of it blows over & you can start re-building things for yourself.

So sorry again Thanks

TheOrchardKeeper · 03/04/2013 15:08

*him

Original poster
Loserville · 03/04/2013 15:09

Got off work early. I called him and left a voicemail to pack his stuff. I think I am in shock, I haven't shed one tear. When I think what he has done to the children I feel so angry though. They adore him and now their whole world is about to change. I will never ever understand people who cheat. Why stay in a relationship if you want to be with someone else. I guess having your cake and eating is the thing here.

We had so much planned this year too, I don't know how he was expecting to get away with this set up. Although for all I know, it could have been going on for months!

I should be ok sti wise. I always insist on a condom even though im on the pill.That's something at least..

OP posts:
MTBMummy · 03/04/2013 15:09

So sorry that he's confirmed your worst fears - if it helps at all, some of us have been there and it does get better, I promise.

Hugs and hand holding

ShabbyChit · 03/04/2013 15:09

I'm so sorry OP, but that text you got back from the number kind of spells it out I think

CostaTen · 03/04/2013 15:09

So sorry OP Sad What a tosser!!

We are all here to hold your hand.

StealthPolarBear · 03/04/2013 15:10

He is avoiding you isn't he? Will you see him tonight?

chubbymomie2012 · 03/04/2013 15:18

oh no i am so sorry. i know that sickening feeling finding messages on the OH phone. i must say u are very calm. i hope u have someone who can help u through this awful time xx

TheOrchardKeeper · 03/04/2013 15:18

Well done, you're doing the right thing!!

And when they keep both things going it seems to be an excitement thing. They like the thrill of the OW but want to keep the security/love of the DW. And I'd be fuming on behalf of my kids too...especially my DS! I would be mad that he'd set such a bad example but don't worry about all that. His bed is made & he will lie in it, thankfully not with you!!

(As my DP just said when I read this to him "What a bloody bastard. Fuck him...but not like that, aha).

Hope you're ok Thanks

LynetteScavo · 03/04/2013 15:30
Sad Flowers

Do you have a plan? We are here for you. x

hellsbellsmelons · 03/04/2013 15:31

So sorry - been following this thread and the update was gutting.
So many of us have been there and at the beginning it is shock.
You will go through so many other emotions though so be prepared for them.
You are doing the right thing and you are strong.
Once you get through these next few months life will look a whole lot better.
Good luck OP.

HootShoot · 03/04/2013 15:32

Im so sorry loserville, you sound so strong, and your kids will get through this because they have such a great mum.

Cherriesarelovely · 03/04/2013 15:34

Sorry to hear that OP. What a horrible shock and what an idiot he is throwing it all away like that. You were restrained in not texting something unpleasant to OW! Good on you for being strong and resolved to act. He will not know what has hit him.

Fairydogmother · 03/04/2013 15:36

Holy fuck what a horrible excuse for a man. So so sorry this has happened to you.

Keep your wits about you as long as you can and get him out x

AllThatGlistens · 03/04/2013 15:37

So sorry to hear this OP, what a complete tool!

Take good care of yourself and your children, try to focus on keeping yourself as well as you can, MN is full of wonderful people who are here day and night to talk things over with you as and when you're ready, you're not alone Flowers

Original poster
Loserville · 03/04/2013 15:38

The only plan I have is to pack his things. He called to say we need to talk and it's not what I think Hmm There's nothing he can say to make me think he's innocent so what's the point?!

The sooner he's gone the sooner I can get on with my life and make things stable and happy for the children. My own dad done the exact same thing and my mum did not cope at all. I need to be strong and focus all my energy on them. They are all that matter.

OP posts:
NotMostPeople · 03/04/2013 15:40

So sorry do you have a friend who can be with you today?

Ahhhcrap · 03/04/2013 15:41

What a complete shit!! So sorry OP.

StuffezLaBouche · 03/04/2013 15:41

What lie is he intending to feed you, I wonder?? God, what a horrible thing to happen. How disgusting that him getting a seedy shag means more to him than his wife and kids.
You sound really strong and focused on protecting your little ones. Sending you best wishes.

ladyjadie · 03/04/2013 15:43

That's right, stay strong. So sorry you've had this done to you. You are better than this. And you and your kids deserve more than a life of being driven mad by suspicion, which is all that staying with this shit can offer you now, through no fault of your own.

Hugs,

StealthPolarBear · 03/04/2013 15:44

No Loser, they're not the only things that matter. You do too, especially if you're going to support them. Please don't forget to consider yourself in all of this.

Original poster
Loserville · 03/04/2013 15:46

It's amazing how you can go from loving someone to hating them in the space of hours. I never imagined he could do this. All I have running through my head is all the times he was working late and couldn't come to parents night or school plays, was he with her? Makes me sick to think about it. Choosing another woman over his children is unreal to me.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 03/04/2013 15:48

You need answers, otherwise this is going to eat you up. ANd he owes you answers.

Cherriesarelovely · 03/04/2013 15:49

Well done OP, you are so right. You need to think of yourself and your Dcs. Intriguing to imagine how he can explain that away though! It would drive me mad too wondering.

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