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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This doesn't look good does it?

999 replies

Loserville · 02/04/2013 19:37

My dh left for work at 5pm, 10 mins later I get a text from him 'Hi sexy, get your boobs out'. I just replied with a ? And had no reply.

He never sends text like that to me thank god so I'm thinking it was meant for someone else. Why send me a text like that after just leaving the house 10 minutes before.

It looks suspicious doesn't it? Or else it's a pathetic attempt at spicing things up Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
Loserville · 06/04/2013 18:02

Yeah I said to him, are you off out somewhere nice? He said, just meeting the guys for a few pints.

His first words to me at the door were, you look terrible! I said yeah, finding out you're married to a lying cheating bastard will do that to you.

I could scream.

OP posts:
Original poster
Loserville · 06/04/2013 18:05

Girlwiththelionheart, that is rather fitting.

OP posts:
Xales · 06/04/2013 18:06

Seriously is he the bad guy?!?!!?

How many brain cells does this twat have?

Must have drowned them in aftershave.

Xales · 06/04/2013 18:08

Don't do this, I love you but I am off now tarted up to the eyeballs not staying here to try and persuade you I am really sorry.

Fuck wit.

Am angry on your behalf.

Guy is fucking deluded.

Bet his told SIL he was tarted up for you. And now he will tell her you booted his arse out, no mention of his plans with the 'guys' Hmm

BriansBrain · 06/04/2013 18:08

Ha ha ha ha ha ha he is a complete dick, you are again in the right.

so that's it, over?

TurnipCake · 06/04/2013 18:10

Jeez, OP, I've read what has been happening to you and your children over the last few days, really feel for you, but you've ridded yourself of a Class A Knob.

Loulybelle · 06/04/2013 18:14

This is for loserville:

I see ya whoring town with your limped dick,
and Im like, fuck you.
I guess my devotion and love just wasnt enough
Im like, fuck you and fuck her too.
I said, if you were nicer, i'd still like ya
Now take your shit (lots of shit)
and although it hurts right now,
I'll make it somehow,
Now fuck you.

Loulybelle · 06/04/2013 18:15

Another song

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 06/04/2013 18:27

He isn't even trying, is he?

perfectstorm · 06/04/2013 18:42

He basically doesn't think he's done anything much wrong. I'm afraid I suspect his co-workers all do much the same, as someone suspected earlier in the thread, because that level of casual entitlement has to be reinforced from somewhere. It's the entitlement to do it that is breathtaking, really. At some, not-very-deeply-submerged level he seems to think this is normal behaviour.

I have to say, I think you're so much better off. And I'm so sorry to raise this, but have you considered getting yourself checked out for STIs at the local clinic?

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected · 06/04/2013 18:42

I am so sorry for you op.

How dare he go to the pub for a drink with his mates. It's almost as if his world has't been rocked at all. I would be fuming.

He doesn't seem to have any fight in him at all.

I think this is almost as insulting as having the affair in the first place.

Original poster
Loserville · 06/04/2013 18:46

No he's not trying at all :(

He's still here, eating dinner with dd's. they asked if he could stay and eat. I can't handle this right now, it's too soon. Seeing him all dressed up for a night out just days after and just being so casual. It's not fair.

OP posts:
lazarusb · 06/04/2013 18:47

I think you dealt with him turning up really well LV. He is so far in denial I can't believe it! Don't worry what he says about the way you look - you are one beautiful woman, a stunning mother and just on the verge of finding your inner strength!

CajaDeLaMemoria · 06/04/2013 18:50

LV - get him out ASAP, and do not allow him to come round on his whims. He needs to make plans, and preferably be away from you.

He's a tosser. Keep your inner strength...sing something angry in your head, that tends to work for me.

Loulybelle · 06/04/2013 18:51

Not long after my ex left me for another woman, in response to his obvious changing style, i went out with friends, made him babysit DD, got dressed up, and went out, it felt so good, to show him, "you had me and lost me, dont it suck to be you", he tried getting me to take him back, werent gonna happen.

imtheonlyone · 06/04/2013 18:54

Wow. He never fails to amaze me!! I cannot actually believe the conversation you had with him!!! 'I hope you're pleased with yourself'. Excuse me - I hope HE'S pleased with himself given he's the one who has done this!!! The cheek!

I know you know him better than any of us, but please be careful letting him into your home. It's really weird once you're not together anymore - it doesn't feel right for them to be in your home. And you're right - no doubt it is too soon to see him eating and laughing with the girls in your home.

Crying is part of the process. No one will think anything less of you for it. It's important to mourn the loss of your marriage. Take care x

PoppadomPreach · 06/04/2013 18:54

Perhaps you could have this playing next time he comes round....

Divine - you think you're a man, you're only a boy

(Apologies for poor quality, couldn't get anything better!)

Have also been lurking and I am frankly stunned at this man' s stupidity/audacity. The "so I'm the bad guy" comment is priceless. I do think you are handling this extremely well, and doing absolutely the right thing.

I suspect he is in denial about the whole thing now, hence the flippant attitude, but when it hits him, it's going to hit him very, very hard.

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected · 06/04/2013 18:56

Really do feel for you. He really is rubbing salt in to the wound.
You are doing incredibly well. I would have exploded by now.

imtheonlyone · 06/04/2013 18:56

Yes, you need to make it clear that he cannot turn up announced to your home anymore. Things need to be Pre arranged and preferably he spends time with the girls away from the house. I know that may be difficult now as he's nowhere to live. But don't let him think he can turn up whenever he chooses!!

You're doing brilliantly. Stay strong x

CabbageLeaves · 06/04/2013 19:02

Visitation needs to proceed as it will be. He calls, collects and fills his time with them and you have time to yourself.

Never again should he come in, insult you, eat your food and fuck off out for the night.

I hate him on your behalf

swallowedAfly · 06/04/2013 19:07

ok so before he leaves you need to set a time that he is going to have the children - not at your house or with you though. say you can pick the girls up at 10am next saturday, or would you rather i dropped them to you at your sister's?

you need to make clear this is a one off and he is not welcome to drop in and play families in your home when he feels like it.

he can take them out for the day or have them at your sil's. make clear today is not going to be repeated. i'd point out he needs to sort himself out somewhere to live where he can have the girls to stay over asap.

Milly22 · 06/04/2013 19:11

He's tarted up smelling of roses and can't understand why you've told told your dd and told you that you look terribleConfused.
OK the reason for this is obvious, he is in total denial and you have already 'moved on' with your life. You're grieving already and dealing with reality, it's obvious that he's not come to that yet and when it does it's going to feel like being hit by a lorry. Karma, and the saying, what goes around comes around. This will be a slow and painful one for him, believe you me.

cjel · 06/04/2013 19:32

I wouldn't bet on the 'night out with the lads' being an excuse he dressed up so you'd go weak at the knees and do the wine and takeaway once you saw how irresistible he is. Hold on in there OP he won't stay long and you can shake and cry and miss him on your own.x

perfectstorm · 06/04/2013 19:40

Agree so much that you need to set up a regular schedule of contact for the kids - and he needs to collect and remove them. Totally, utterly unfair to happen under your roof (though you had no choice this one time, for the sake of the girls, I do see that).

Get him out as soon as you reasonably can though. Just say you've had enough and will be in touch with a suggested contact schedule.

Do you have mediation in Scotland? Cheaper than a solicitor and generally simpler, I would have thought? I don't know how your system works though.

woopsidaisy · 06/04/2013 19:41

You have done brilliantly LV, couldnt have said better.

But thus must be very hard seeing him there..

Here, squeeze my hand....