This doesn't look good does it?

[Loserville]

My dh left for work at 5pm, 10 mins later I get a text from him 'Hi sexy, get your boobs out'. I just replied with a ? And had no reply.

He never sends text like that to me thank god so I'm thinking it was meant for someone else. Why send me a text like that after just leaving the house 10 minutes before.

It looks suspicious doesn't it? Or else it's a pathetic attempt at spicing things up

Hope you had a good night out swallowedafly. A night bout with a lie in the next day sounds like bliss!

Hammering nails helped a bit. As did bouncing on the trampoline with the girls! What didn't help was putting the iPod on shuffle and hearing songs that brought back memories of H and I. .Now the songs are just tainted :( I had to lock myself in the bathroom for 10 minutes.

I think you are doing brilliantly. Esp that you can bounce on a trampoline after kids, without weeing yourself!

dragonmamma that made me laugh! Who said I didn't?!

All power to you LV! X

I couldn't listen to music either that reminded me off us. MN told me to listen to Katy Perry part of me and circle the drain, Yes by Mcalmont and Butler.
You sound so strong I am in awe of you I wish I had been as brave as you. Your girls have an amazing role model you hold be very proud.

*should.

If you did and didn't care then even more respect to you. I almost wee'd myself skipping in the gym the other day, trampolines are a long way off does pelvic floors

The first time I went to Asda post break up, when the kids were having their first ever "access visit" if you like, they played our wedding song. I promptly cried all the way round like a looney

LV - what a fabulous woman you are!

I am in awe of your ability to disengage. He is a bigger fool than he understands.

I chugged along for 2 years after discovering a similar infidelity. Wasted years. Luckily I did shape up and ship him out in the end.

You deserve a knight in shining armour, but you sure as hell don't need rescuing!

His sister's responses reek of desperation. She is probably doing what she believes to be best, in the hope of patching up your relationship. She's probably giving him hell behind the scenes.

On the subject of memorable songs, my ex decided (for effect)to drink himself into a stupor whilst crying and listening to 'Evanescence - Bring me to life'. This was about a month after I told him we were separating.
This is man who literally said 'la la la, I'm not listening', when I tried to talk to him about his infidelity and twatty behaviour.

I cannot help but laugh whenever I hear that song now!

Anyway, I'll continue waving the pom poms for you. You totally rock!

YES by McAlmont and Butler - great recommendation

I was advised to avoid listening to music because they are all about falling in love, breaking up or have memories attached. The radio played 'our song' which is ancient and not terribly popular repeatedly it seemed. I can hear it now without flinching tbh
I have over written the memories with some lovely new ones

Ages ago there was a thread where the lady destroyed the marriage bed linens, bought all new, and redecorated/painted the entire bedroom to be all hers. She said it made her feel tons better. Especially when x happened to see it, she said he admitted he didn't realize it was "really" over until he saw that. I hope you can put that on your list of things to do and that it can help you too.

Imho, anything less than a total break up is condoning the behavior and gives it a green light for the future. Guys cheating are essentially asking the question- Will you participate in an open marriage?-without actually respecting you enough to come out and verbalize it. It must feel validating and self-empowering for knowing who you are and that you know yourself well enough to "just say no" to an open marriage. I understand that it is perfectly ok for many couples (probably more than I would be aware of), but if it's not ok, then it's not ok. Maybe that might be a question for sil, next time she tries to advise you.

Good for you for standing your ground.

I hope that there will be peace in your heart very soon.

I remember that andtheband maybe that is something to think about LV.

SIL probably wants her house back tbh.

How many of us want family members pitching up for free bed and board because they destroyed their marriages? not me that's for sure.

Well guess who appeared at the house? Yip, MrLoser. Looked liked he was heading out for the night, all his best gear on and reeking of aftershave. The girls were all in garden and we had the following conversation.

Me:- the girls know, I've told them
Loser:- What do you mean you've told them? So that's it, over?
Me:- Erm yes! What do you expect?
Loser:- Hope you're pleased with yourself .
Me:- Oh yes I'm totally ecstatic. I've been cartwheeling round the garden all day.
Loser:- I take it I'm the bad guy then?
Me:- laughs Dont speak to me, you're a dick.
Loser:- Please don't do this, I love you. It was I mistake.

Ok not exactly what I had planned to say and I'm kicking myself but it'll keep.

LV when you get to angry I have A LOT of angry break up music for you to listen to.

AVeritableCornucopiaOfAngerMusicTiggaxx

A clear out and new bed lining is a good idea. We haven't lived here long, it's a new house and a blank canvas. I can do everything exactly the way I want.

Have to say, I have followed this thread from the start but haven't felt like I had anything helpful to add. I would now like to say you sound incredible OP, and your lovely girls do too.

Great admiration from me as to how you are handling this. You sound ace.

Thanks tigga, my angry music consists of Pink !

Wtf is wrong with him?! Of course he's the bad guy. Fucking idiot, acting like you shagged someone else

Try Cee lo Green's Fuck you, when the kiddies arent around obviously.

But seriously, hes dressed up for a night out, does he think your fucking stupid, wow what a dick.

"So I'm the bad guy".

Oh. My. God.

"Well no, it was totally my fault you chose to have an affair and destroy our marriage. Absolutely, you smell of roses."

How horrible, I'm so bloody sorry. I am sad to say it, but it sounds in some ways like he's doing you a favour. You're young, have lovely kids, and a decent job. This sort of crap is absolutely not worth it - really glad you know your own worth. Sadly, as has been said, it's often not that clear to the women in question. Even though it is to bystanders.

For you, op:

And yes, redo the house exactly as YOU would like it. I've seen a couple of women on here do that after being advised to by Mumsnetters and they both said it was a huge help - reclaiming their territory! That sounds a fab idea, sure the kids would enjoy it as well. A positive investment in your future as a family.

i actually rather like, "don't speak to me you're a dick"

i recommend painting the hallway so when they come to the door to pick up the kids it looks like someone else's house.

yes, i did have a lovely night out thank you - talking with grown ups and even had a bit of a flirt. rare stuff ds is coming home shortly and it will be curl up on the sofa with boy and animals to watch doctor who time. hope you and the girls have a good evening.

LV, new bed linen is great. I did that - all the fancy expensive stuff I loved with cushions and throws exdh hated. And i moved the bedroom round - so not new, but bed in different place etc.

He's a twat. Doesn't make it hurt less, but well done you.