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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This doesn't look good does it?

999 replies

Loserville · 02/04/2013 19:37

My dh left for work at 5pm, 10 mins later I get a text from him 'Hi sexy, get your boobs out'. I just replied with a ? And had no reply.

He never sends text like that to me thank god so I'm thinking it was meant for someone else. Why send me a text like that after just leaving the house 10 minutes before.

It looks suspicious doesn't it? Or else it's a pathetic attempt at spicing things up Confused

OP posts:
TroublesomeEx · 05/04/2013 20:24

"Hit the self destruct button " means "can't face dealing with the consequences of his actions".

Absolutely. Mine did the same. And I have to say, watching his life crumble and his friends abandon him made getting on with things much easier for me.

His most recent gripe is that people have rallied around me to tell me how amazingly I'm doing, how strong I am and to offer support where as his friends have pretty much abandoned him and he spends most evenings in his parents' house, on his own.

I did try to tell him that that was because people generally feel more 'sympathy' for the person who was cheated on than the person who did the cheating. At which point he told me it was my fault he'd had the affair anyway so he didn't want to hear it because I'd ruined his life.... blah... blah... blah....

Jux · 05/04/2013 20:36

Oh the poor, poor man. If it wasn't so sad, you would laugh. Oh, wait.....

Really sorry on your behalf, LoseaPrick, and on behalf of your children, though.

Hope you're all enjoying the film by now. xx

Finola1step · 05/04/2013 20:43

Hi LV. Just wanting to send supportive vibes for tonight. Just a thought, it may be wise to start keeping a diary of events, conversations etc. You might find it very useful in the next few weeks and months. I have a strong feeling that he is going to try to wriggle out of all responsibilities (including financial) and the more info you have got the better.

I know that's probably the last thing you want to think about right now but, to bale out in your girls tonight does not bode well. Keep posting.

Leavenheath · 05/04/2013 20:50

Seeing as you phoned her, I think it's more likely that he's with OW and sis is covering for him. In the warped way that some families think, she probably wants to persuade you to give him another chance so that he'll dump the OW. She's prob furious that he put her her in this position, but doesn't feel she can totally fuck it up for him by telling you the truth about him not being at home with her tonight.

MadamFolly · 05/04/2013 20:51

He obviously gives not one shit

Or is a massive coward

Whichever, you are well shot OP, :(

Original poster
Loserville · 05/04/2013 21:08

The girls took it ok, I'm really proud of them. Dd1 was a bit, she asked if he had a new girlfriend before I even had a chance. I told her he had met someone else but that's all I know for now. She said she never wants to see her. Dd2 said it was fine, lots of her friends parents are separated and they are ok. Dd3 asked if it means she can sleep in my bed every night now, bless her. They did go a bit quiet for 30 minutes or so but the movie cheered them up. They are now all out for the count in my bed! Dd1 followed me into the kitchen and just hugged me before brushing her teeth. She said I've not to be sad because we still have each other. God, I could have broke down there and then.

They did ask when they can see him which I couldn't answer. Ideally he would come round tomorrow , shower them with hugs and just show them a sense of security and that he is going to be there for them. I won't hold my breathe but I will try and contact him and tell him that would be a good idea.

OP posts:
MummyOfSunbeam · 05/04/2013 21:08

OP you are fantastic and we are all cheering you on!! And brave is a great film - basically all re a relationship between daughter and mother! So Fantastic stuff from that perspective too! NONE of you need him.

getthegirladrink · 05/04/2013 21:13

You're fabulous LV, sleep tight with the DCs EnvyEnvy

Fairenuff · 05/04/2013 21:18

Well, he said he wanted to see his children.

Which is what forced you to tell them sooner than you really wanted to op.

But then, he changed his mind.

Because what he really wanted was an opportunity to see you and talk to you and persuade you to take him back. Once he knew you weren't interested he suddenly lost interest in seeing his children.

Well done for telling them anyway. It's done now and it sounds like it went as well as it could have.

Jacaqueen · 05/04/2013 21:20

Aw aren't children just amazing!

You are amazing too LV.

I don't think that could have gone any better.

Right that is one of the hardest things out of the way and you are in control.

SucksToBeMe · 05/04/2013 21:21

What a great mum you are LV. Thanks

BriansBrain · 05/04/2013 21:22

Goodness you really are amazing and your DC sound so lovely.

Keep strong x

Ruprekt · 05/04/2013 21:23

Wow! Kids are amazing!GrinGrin

MTBMummy · 05/04/2013 21:23

LV you are amazing, the strength you have shown when dealing with your man child of a husband speaks volumes, and it sounds like your DD's have inherited your strength.

Hope you manage to get some bed space amongst the DD's tonight x

Finola1step · 05/04/2013 21:28

I would like to give you my first ever Flowers

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 05/04/2013 21:29

You dc sound amazing, as do you LV.

Funny how he thinks what he's done can be rectified by some cheap plonk and a takeaway (and even cheaper promises of never seeing her again).

I wonder, if you had fucked another man if he would've forgiven you? Bet not!

Inertia · 05/04/2013 21:32

Bless them all cwtched up in your bed, they sound like absolute stars- and you are fantastic LV.

Jux · 05/04/2013 21:38

Oh your children are so lovely. Bless you all.

perfectstorm · 05/04/2013 21:41

No, please nobody call him a cunt. As the saying goes, he lacks the depth and the warmth.

He's not coming. I called to see where the hell he is. His sister answered and said he has 'hit the self destruct button' and can't face me or dd's. then she started with the can't you give him another chance speech. I told her I wasn't going to discuss it with her and if he thought anything of me and dd's then he'd get his arse round here pronto.

He's screwed over the people he is supposed to love most, as badly as he possibly could, and he is thinking solely about HIS feelings? Christ on toast what a snivelling, inadequate piece of crap.

OP you sound incredible. Your strength and dignity frankly floor me. Sounds like the little dick got lucky with you, and fortunately if his whiny tantrums now are any indication, he knows it. Good luck with your little ones, and I hope you all enjoy Brave (fab choice of movie for this situation, too - let me know if it's any good as I want my DS to see it too).

Screw Mumsnet etiquette, here's a whopping great hug. {{{{{{{{LV}}}}}}}}

perfectstorm · 05/04/2013 21:42

Just refreshed - your kids sound amazing. Clearly take after their Mum.

Doha · 05/04/2013 21:46

You have handled all this crap with such dignity Loserville, your DD's are so lucky to have you.
Please remember l am near Glasgow (think of the bridge over the Clyde that used to be a toll bridge). If you need a hand to hold or to rant and rave please give me a shout.

M0naLisa · 05/04/2013 21:46

He sounds like a prize dickhead. Hope you and your girls are ok x

kinkyfuckery · 05/04/2013 21:47

Sounds like it went as well as it could have done - with telling the girls I mean.
You are amazing. Your girls sound amazing too

Fairenuff · 05/04/2013 21:48

Op if your sil keeps asking you about giving him another chance, try this.

Say to her, "Look, I know you're keen for me to give him another so chance so shall I tell your husband that if he wants to cheat on you, it's ok, he can go ahead and do it, because you'll happily give him another chance?"

Maybe then she'll get the message.

iamjustlurking · 05/04/2013 21:48

Completely different situation to yours, but I have 3 DC who have spent their whole life being let down by their Dad he did love them and them him but other issues got in the way.

Sadly for them he died suddenly 6 weeks ago BUT throughout the last 9 years or so I have somehow managed to raise the most beautiful, compassionate DC, what your DD1 said hit home.

People always say what a great Mum I am despite everything we have had to fight to survive, but you do what you do BECAUSE you are a mum and love your DC.

As I write this my DS9 just said "Mum I so love you". Every battle you survive will be so worth it, well done for staying strong and believing in yourself.