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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This doesn't look good does it?

999 replies

Loserville · 02/04/2013 19:37

My dh left for work at 5pm, 10 mins later I get a text from him 'Hi sexy, get your boobs out'. I just replied with a ? And had no reply.

He never sends text like that to me thank god so I'm thinking it was meant for someone else. Why send me a text like that after just leaving the house 10 minutes before.

It looks suspicious doesn't it? Or else it's a pathetic attempt at spicing things up Confused

OP posts:
Jux · 05/04/2013 16:47

Wow. Twunt personified.

It seems he has recently acquired Stupidity (probably caught it from OW)?

QOD · 05/04/2013 16:48

It's all a nightmare. I remember clear as day my mum and dad sitting in the lounge when we came home from school. Mum told us they were getting a divorce as mum had met someone else. I felt so sorry for my dad. My dad cried.
It was awful.
However, my dad wasn't quite as innocent as all that!! He'd been having affairs and ignoring mum for years, "working late" etc. she was the one honest enough to meet someone and not be able to have 2 men in her life.
But I didn't know that then.
Ah it's so hard, what you say will stay with them.

what you think you're going to say?

NettleTea · 05/04/2013 16:53

what are you going to do if once he comes in he refuses to leave....

swallowedAfly · 05/04/2013 16:56

tenancy is in her name so no legal right to be there - if it came to it the police could very easily remove him as it's not his home.

forgetmenots · 05/04/2013 16:58

Love the loseaprick suggestion.

I'd be inclined to pour the wine all over him frankly not the most adult response but bloody satisfying

swallowedAfly · 05/04/2013 17:00

or let him walk in the door with the takeaway and wine - take them from him and say kids are in the lounge - disappear upstairs to enjoy the gifts whilst he does parenting Grin

sorry - not helpful.

DragonMamma · 05/04/2013 17:12

Wow. I cannot get over how obtuse he is being. He's slept with somebody around half a dozen times, including since you've found out. He didn't race home when you'd found out and beg for forgiveness and instead made it seem like nothing was worth apologising for.

And he thinks a Chinese, a bottle of plonk and a chat will see him right.

He's absolutely stark raving bonkers.

Xales · 05/04/2013 17:15

text him back.

Stupid of you to delete her number you will need it when you wake up to the fact that I am serious.

I do not want to sit, eat and drink whilst staring at your cheating face. You are coming to see the children, they do not drink wine.

Xales · 05/04/2013 17:16

Can I suggest a note book and pen so you can write down his lies and compare them next time.

Machli · 05/04/2013 17:23

I'm sorry this has happened, my ex used to think a take away and a bottle of wine would solve everything too Hmm.

One thing I would say is don't do the big sit down. Everyone I know, myself included has said the big sit down and telling the kids was horrific and what stayed with them for years after. I didn't tell my children, they were 2 and 5 at the time. When they asked I told them Daddy and I kept arguing so we had decided that Daddy should live somewhere else. Their Dad worked away a lot anyway so practically speaking it wasn't massive to them. He saw them A LOT almost every day, tried to be very flexible on that for their sake and they just grew to accept that this is how it was. There was no big show down. Children already know what's going on and are a lot more resilient then we realise. If you don't make a massive, emotional deal of it then they won't. That's my experience anyway.

You sound like an amazing woman and he sounds like an utter twat.

Jux · 05/04/2013 17:23

Or record him on your phone; tell him you will probably need a record as he's already changed his story at least once.

Do you think you might have the opportunity to put laxative in his takeaway? It would be quite fun as long as it wasn't eaten at your place....

wiseoldowl · 05/04/2013 17:29

have read your posts in awe Loserville, you are being amazingly strong.

hope all goes well for later, do not crack & fall for any sweet talk....what a complete knob (he is) Angry

Jacaqueen · 05/04/2013 17:37

I would text back that the only thing you require him to bring is some black bags to remove his belongings from your house.

Is there no one you can get to pop round about 8 pm with a bottle of wine. That way he will have to leave. If I wasn't away on holiday I would offer to come over if that would help.

cjel · 05/04/2013 17:39

Machli I don't think this would work with a ten year old?

cjel · 05/04/2013 17:40

watching the clock with you OP.x

woopsidaisy · 05/04/2013 17:43

Thinking about you OP. Stay stRong and focused.

JaxTellerIsAllMine · 05/04/2013 17:51

Thinking of you LV what a prick he is. Like thats all it would take. arse.

Stay focused and strong.

Machli · 05/04/2013 17:51

I don't know but I just don't think the big sit down is necessary. I've heard over and over that it was by far the most upsetting thing about the whole process for children involved

swallowedAfly · 05/04/2013 17:51

remember the bathroom is a safe place. any time you worry you are going to lose it or just need space or whatever the bathroom is the legitimate room in the house you can go to and lock the door for five minutes without questions.

TiaMariaandSpringCleaning · 05/04/2013 17:59

Have just read your thread LV, you are amazing. Hope all you goes well tonight, its clear you'll stick to your guns and not fall for any of his crap. Thinking about you x.

prettywhiteguitar · 05/04/2013 18:18

Delurking to say what a tosser !

Take his wine and takeaway and then put them in the kitchen, have the conversation you need to have and tell him to f**k off

Sit down and enjoy

Seriously does he think that will make you feel better after how he's behaved ???? You have behaved impeccably btw I'm impressed, I was not so dignified unfortunately

VioletStar · 05/04/2013 18:23

Another one delurking to say you are being amazingly strong. Stay focused. Wishing you luck and strength.

Casserole · 05/04/2013 18:30

Thinking of you x

TroublesomeEx · 05/04/2013 18:32

Stay strong.

When I discovered my H's infidelity he offered to get a takeaway in the evening, just like we did most Thursdays.

He had no idea he'd be caught out. He thought he had every base covered. He thought I'd keep him around because I wouldn't want to be a single parent.

It's nearly 5 months since he left and I just want to say that I wouldn't go back to the way I thought things were for anything. My eyes have been opened, I've got more friends, a better social life and a better relationship with my children than I did when we were together.

He's living with his parents in his old bedroom and (by his own admission) has nothing and has lost everything. Only got himself to blame.

I only wish I could show you how much better off you will be in a few weeks/months time.

Do not fall for the lies and the sweet talk. I really wanted to believe my husband when he came out with all the crap that everyone on MN said he would. I couldn't believe that it was my husband they were all describing so cruelly. But they were right. He read from the script like he had it in front of him.

Be strong. x

willyoulistentome · 05/04/2013 18:33

Give him a virtual kick in the balls from me.