Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This doesn't look good does it?

999 replies

Loserville · 02/04/2013 19:37

My dh left for work at 5pm, 10 mins later I get a text from him 'Hi sexy, get your boobs out'. I just replied with a ? And had no reply.

He never sends text like that to me thank god so I'm thinking it was meant for someone else. Why send me a text like that after just leaving the house 10 minutes before.

It looks suspicious doesn't it? Or else it's a pathetic attempt at spicing things up Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
Loserville · 04/04/2013 16:46

I can't see it as minor exploration at all. If he wants to go exploring he should have ended our relationship first. I do understand where you're coming from undercover and many people would be able to forgive this but I can't.

I'll call my sil tonight once dd's are in bed.

OP posts:
loopylou6 · 04/04/2013 16:47

I'm sorry you're having to go through this, I'm absolutely in awe of how you're handing things, you are one strong lady Flowers

MarinaIvy · 04/04/2013 16:50

I second everybody else - don't want to pressure you, esp since you've been doing so well!, but you've mentioned your SIL as being a good friend, and I think she deserves to know the truth, which she sure as frick ain't gonna get from her brother.

Indeed, although I mentioned phoning the workmate's wife, it was as a general concept, and nothing like as important as looking after you and your own. Telling your SIL is different, though - she's more part of your life, has been supportive, etc. Don't let his lies take this support from you. I'm not asking you to put any pressure on her to chuck him out, but she deserves to know why he's really there.

I guess everybody else was right about him not going to live with OW...

Fairenuff · 04/04/2013 17:01

It's not 'minor' anything, op. It's a pretty fucking major impact on you and your girls.

Short of a bereavement, I can't think of anything more major that could happen in your life. And it is like a bereavement. It's a big adjustment and lots of emotional upheaval.

Hang in there, it's nearly teatime. That will be another day under your belt x

AllThatGlistens · 04/04/2013 17:16

You are being so incredibly strong and dignified OP!

I know you won't feel that way but its true, please make sure you talk to your SIL if you feel able, or another friend.

It's completely fine to rant and rail, sob or sit quietly and feel numb! All of which is normal behaviour under the circs.

You will be devastated, and you will be incredibly angry, but most of all you will get through this Flowers

PlasticLentilWeaver · 04/04/2013 17:17

Wow! I normally steer clear of this type of thread, but have to de-lurk just to express my awe at your resilience. You sound like the most incredible, brave and strong woman. The sort of woman I would probably be proud to know and call a friend in real life.

VitoCorleone · 04/04/2013 17:19

Glad to hear you're keeping yourself busy with baking but sorry to hear your DD has chicken pox.

I totally agree that this short term pain is far far better than the alternative, a life with somebody you dont trust, ive been there, every time he left the house my heart would be pounding wondering if he was really going where he said he was, constantly checking his phone, wondering if he was lying constantly - its an absolute waste of a life.

You know, i completely isolated myself, i wouldnt leave the house because i was terrified that that the second i was out he would be out cheating on me. Thats how bad things got for me.

I really hope you dont take him back and end up like i did. You are a strong woman and can get through this and come out the other side even stronger.

bluestar2 · 04/04/2013 17:20

OP you are doing so well. You have handled yourself with great dignity and strength. I hope there is someone in RL you can confide in and seek some comfort from. Your right this isnt a minor thing and I couldnt play it down either.

StuffezLaBouche · 04/04/2013 17:29

Minor exploration, dear God.
You continue to sound amazingly strong, OP. selfish, selfish man. Oddly enough, IME, the people who claim everyone deserves one chance are the ones who would go ballistic if anyone did the dirty on them.
Your kids are lucky to have a mum who is so strong for them.

Inertia · 04/04/2013 17:31

It isn't a minor exploration, it's a major, marriage-wrecking, life - changing betrayal .

Good idea to call SIL - your H is no doubt trotting out his lies to everyone else.

KoPo · 04/04/2013 17:37

Minor exploration my arse! The shit that some people come out with is mindboggling at times. Bit like the poster on another thread im on saying that the cheated on partner is massively overreacting and is somehow unreasonable for kicking his cheating wife out.

Just goes to show that some people will condone anything.

Stay strong OP your doing just great.

forgetmenots · 04/04/2013 17:38

Very true plasticlentilweaver. So say all of us!

CabbageLeaves · 04/04/2013 17:50

How would your (D)H feel if you had a minor exploration of another mans cock OP ?

Just wondering seeing as it seems to be a tolerable thing to undercover. Might need to readjust my 'deal breaker' list Confused

KoPo · 04/04/2013 17:58

CabbageLeaves

Its sure on my deal breaker list ..... In fact infidelity is one of that lists top items along with any form of abuse.

Finola1step · 04/04/2013 18:00

Hi OP. Sorry to hear that your dd has chicken pox. When mine had it, I used Virasoothe which is pricey but really good. Found it particularly useful at night and on the scalp. Was the only thing that would help my dd get off to sleep and right now, you need as much rest as you can get. Take care.

TeaOneSugar · 04/04/2013 18:13

His sister needs to know the truth, she's probably not been in touch because she's heard some cock and bull story for your DH.

I'd get the truth out there asap.

Fluffycloudland77 · 04/04/2013 18:16

God I love how all the men on here who cheat say "I'll fight for you" after they've put their knob in another woman and been found out.

How about not cheating and not having to fight?.

Op, don't be too surprised if your exp's family cut you off, dh had loads of nieces and nephews with his exp, they spent 22 years together. He's godfather to a couple. They came round for a while after the split but only to spy because I was there. I wasn't the ow but she told him he'd never have anyone again so I was a surprise.

You've done so well so far.

cfc · 04/04/2013 18:36

i'm delurking to say i'm thinking of you and your babies, op.

Fairenuff · 04/04/2013 18:37

"I'll fight for you" means "I'll fight to have my life back how it was before you found out I cheated. I'll fight to have my comfy homelife, my wife available to me, my chilren respecting me".

It is all in vain. What is done cannot be undone.

toffeelolly · 04/04/2013 18:48

Op we are all thinking of you, hope your little dd is feeling better. x

StrawberrytallCAKE · 04/04/2013 19:06

Hi loserville have been reading your thread and haven't been able to post any practical advice up until now. You are so strong.

My dd has chicken pox and the best thing for her has been bicarbonate of soda baths, piriton, nurofen for her temp and that cream you dab on the spots (can't remember what it's called now) which I kept in the fridge. A friend also told me virasoothe is great as you can spread it all over their skin rather than dabbing. If you need to get out of the house - we put dd in pyjamas and took her to a safari park so stayed in the car as she got fed up of the house. Sorry if you knew all of this just wanted to help in some way Smile.

I'm also so sorry you're going through this, he's obviously an idiot. Thanks

pansyflimflam · 04/04/2013 19:14

Flowers. Stay strong luvvie, he's a fool x

Original poster
Loserville · 04/04/2013 19:27

Thanks for the advice re CP. I'll get some of that Virasoothe tomorrow.

His sister called and asked what had happened. She said he had just said we had a fall out which made me laugh. Told her the actual reason. She said as he's her brother she'll put him up for now but she plans on telling him exactly what she thinks of him. She is coming round tomorrow so that's good.

According to her he's been out all day. He's off work as we had planned to maybe go for a long weekend somewhere. Bet he's at her house :(

OP posts:
captainbarnacle · 04/04/2013 19:35

Deluded fool. A fall out indeed.

Fairenuff · 04/04/2013 19:37

If he is, he's wishing he was at yours.

That was predictable of him to tell his sister that. He is full of cliches. I think it really hasn't hit him yet. He is still in denial. He probably really does think it will all blow over.

He got a lot more shocks to come yet.