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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

This doesn't look good does it?

999 replies

Loserville · 02/04/2013 19:37

My dh left for work at 5pm, 10 mins later I get a text from him 'Hi sexy, get your boobs out'. I just replied with a ? And had no reply.

He never sends text like that to me thank god so I'm thinking it was meant for someone else. Why send me a text like that after just leaving the house 10 minutes before.

It looks suspicious doesn't it? Or else it's a pathetic attempt at spicing things up Confused

OP posts:
Doha · 03/04/2013 22:23

Loserville l live just outside Glasgow too (the west) if l can be of any help just give me a shout

newbiefrugalgal · 03/04/2013 22:25

I'm not up north but I'm thinking if you tonight.
Xx

NotSoNervous · 03/04/2013 22:26

I'm so sorry things have worked out to this OP.

He's got a damn cheek trying to turn it around on you. If it w you who cheated and risked your marriage and family life then he certainly wouldn't be saying his marriage ending is his fault and nit yours!

There's nothing wrong with having a good cry and just let it all out. I wouldn't have anymore contact with him at the mi ute, let him swear while you out you and your children first.

cjel · 03/04/2013 22:28

Well yes it is technically you that ended it by being brave enough to face the truth, Does the idiot really think that you should just say naughty boy it must be hard for you never mind? OP well done for turning the phone off don't believe any of his rubbish.x

roughtyping · 03/04/2013 22:37

(I'm also just outside Glasgow, just north, any help required just PM. :))

Loserville · 03/04/2013 22:45

Thanks. I've forced some food down, feel better already. Was getting dizzy spells through lack of food.

Now if Life of Brian can't put a smile on my face nothing will. I'm done thinking about him for today, he's taken up enough head space today.

OP posts:
roughtyping · 03/04/2013 22:47

Enjoy Life of Brian. Watched it the other day funnily enough, sadly OH's hard drive has given up and died now :(

Hope you're alright. Don't give him the head space. You're doing really well.

Jux · 03/04/2013 22:49

OP, don't dignify his texts or attempts at communication with replies. Ignore ignore igore. If necessary, switch off your phone - he had o compunction about doing that, did he?

He will spend a lot of time trying to weasel out of any responsibility, and tbh, I wouldn't put it past him to set conditions for his eventual return to the bosom of his family.

At the moment, you need some space to get your head round it and decide what you want to do. May I suggest that you text him in the morning telling him that you want a week to consider your position, and that if he had any respect for you he will not contact you in that time.

See if you can get a free half hour with a family law solicitor to discuss your options. Do you want divorce? Would you prefer to try to mend it? That would be dependent upon him taking responsibility for his actions and being truly remorseful, of course.

You probably can't decide that with certainty atm, which is entirely natural, and one reason why you need some space from him.

Talk to people. Tell them what has happened. You will get lots of support and will need to be able to discuss your feelings in rl. Tbh, it is entirely possible that he will tell people his own version - and heaven knows what that might be. Better to tell people the truth yourself first. They will find out, and rumours can be very stupid if there are no facts (I remember my cousin died a year after his mum died - the rumours were that he'd killed himself because he couldn't cope with life without her - he was nearly 40 and had left 'home' years before, was on the point of marriage and had just bought a house with his fiancee. Nothing further from his mind than suicide!).

So get the truth out there before people start thinking up stupid things.

Above all, be kind to yourself. You will feel up and down and let yourself do that.

Focus on your children, and try to do one nice thing with them every day, if it's eating pizza and ice cream on the sofa watching a film, or going to the park.

Let yourself be upset and wobbly.

Eat. Bananas contain pretty well everything you need in terms of nutrition, so even if you can't cope with a meal, eat a banana. My doctor recommended that my mum ate banana liquidised with ice cream every day when she became too ill to eat proper food.

Loserville · 03/04/2013 23:14

The only other thing I'm sad about is his family. They are my family, his sisters are like sisters to me. I thought about calling the one I'm closest to earlier but didn't. I'll do it tomorrow, I know she will be round in a shot and she may very well kill him.

OP posts:
SundaysGirl · 03/04/2013 23:17

Just wanted to add my voice to the support and say it sounds like you are doing brilliantly.

Really sorry he has been such a cowardly twunt Sad

SweetSeraphim · 03/04/2013 23:21

Have just read this thread from the beginning, OP, I'm so sorry this has happened. What an utter cunt he is.

He was always going to blame you, you know that. This is what they do.

The thing is, he hasn't even seen the error of his ways. He STILL stayed out and couldn't face the music until he was certain you knew the truth. Prick.

SweetSeraphim · 03/04/2013 23:22

You are doing brilliantly, by the way. You're very strong. Namechange though, please! You are so NOT a loser.

Jux · 03/04/2013 23:23

Yes, start by telling his sister.

You are brilliant. So strong.

Fairenuff · 03/04/2013 23:26

His family are still part of your family. They are your children's aunts and grandparents. They will still want to be in your lives.

saffronwblue · 03/04/2013 23:27

Thinking of you OP. ( I also do not want to address you by this name). What a huge shock you have had and how strong you are.

Fudgemallowdelight · 03/04/2013 23:38

I think it would be fine to tell his sister.

shesariver · 03/04/2013 23:39

You sound so much better than I would be in this situation, sadly I can believe him turning it round to try to blame you , its the only way he can justify his behaviour to himself. Very early days - his wider family will always be yours to.

EssexWelsh · 03/04/2013 23:44

So so sorry to read this, I caught the beginning last night and I have to say I was expecting to see a positive outcome when I checked back.

You have been AMAZING! Your children are incredibly lucky to have such a strong woman as a mother, regardless of what their father is like. Again as other posters have said, sorry to be patronising, but reading this has made me incredibly sad but this is obviously your life and the way you are taking it by the balls and sorting it out, I will always remember you in tough situations!

Good luck for the coming weeks!

AgathaF · 04/04/2013 07:54

Definitely get in touch with his sister. You need as much support as possible at the moment.

He is such a deluded shit for trying to put the responsibility for the marriage ending on you. And that's a pretty full on text he sent the OW (the one you got by mistake) if he really had only seen her three times.

Kione · 04/04/2013 07:57

I am really sorry that things took that turn. I am Shock at his initial silence, and I hope his sister supports you and more importantly that she keeps her friendship with you from now on Thanks

Branleuse · 04/04/2013 09:06

just say yep, im ending it, fuck off you fucking cheating lying piece of shit

Boosterseat · 04/04/2013 09:25

My exp brother is still a wonderful friend almost a decade after we spilt, he is very active in his DNs life (despite minimal contact from deadbeat Dad).

I really hope his sisters are supportive and provide you with a much needed shoulder to cry on.

Flowers
ladyjadie · 04/04/2013 09:28

He 'didn't know her' well he knew her well enough to ... ugh.

This is your ticket out of loserville, if you kwim.

Lots of hugs

WeAreSix · 04/04/2013 09:47

Hope you're ok this morning Flowers

getthegirladrink · 04/04/2013 09:51

Hey OP, thinking of you this morning Flowers

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