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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This doesn't look good does it?

999 replies

Loserville · 02/04/2013 19:37

My dh left for work at 5pm, 10 mins later I get a text from him 'Hi sexy, get your boobs out'. I just replied with a ? And had no reply.

He never sends text like that to me thank god so I'm thinking it was meant for someone else. Why send me a text like that after just leaving the house 10 minutes before.

It looks suspicious doesn't it? Or else it's a pathetic attempt at spicing things up Confused

OP posts:
NotSoNervous · 03/04/2013 19:54

So sorry OP

You sound so strong

Notsoblonde · 03/04/2013 19:55

sorry to read your update op Sad what an absolute shit!

woopsidaisy · 03/04/2013 19:56

This low life cheats on his wife and kids, destroys a family, walks out if a marriage after lying to your face.... and can't even be bothered to feign guilt. Or even attempt regret.
Unbelievable. What a knob!
You must be in such shock OP. I hope you get some answers.

Original poster
Loserville · 03/04/2013 19:57

He's just left. Came in with his head down, sat on the sofa and said sorry. That's it, sorry. I asked who she was, he said I dont know here. He met her on a night out end of February. He said he's only met her 3 times since. He doesn't love her, it was just sex blah blah blah. He said it can't be over and he'll fight to get me back. Think he underestimates how fucking angry, hurt, betrayed I actually am. He's taken his things, it is killing me knowing he can walk away probably to her and have someone to hug.

So that's it. It's hit me, I'm scared to cry, I'll never stop.

OP posts:
EyePad · 03/04/2013 20:00

oh I am so sorry. What a bastard. Angry

AllThatGlistens · 03/04/2013 20:01

Oh OP I'm so so sorry Sad

It's completely normal to feel blindsided by what's happened, you're in shock and will naturally be caught in a roller coaster of emotions.

Do you have family or a friend you can call to come to you? We're all here too x

Areyoumadorisitme · 03/04/2013 20:03

Thinking of you lots OP. Take care of yourself.

lambrinigirl · 03/04/2013 20:03

Did he say where he's been since 2pm.

MrsSpagBol · 03/04/2013 20:03

Oh honey. Have a cry. You need to. This is completely devastating. You really need to allow yourself to let it out and take it for what it is - he has brought your world crashing down around you.

I can only imagine how you wish you had never ever seen that stupid text.

I feel so so sorry that this has happened.

He is an absolute fool. And I agree he really doesn't seem to "get it". Does he think marriage is a game?

I am so so sorry.

Have a huge cry and have your takeaway then go to bed. Leave it at that for today. Just take one day at a time.

Sending you a masssive virtual hug.

He is not even nearly ready for the mess he has created. And if it's so casual he is going to be at a loose end very very soon as I am sure this girl was not planning on moving in with him after 3 visits. He is really up shit creek.

So sorry.

Bluelightsandsirens · 03/04/2013 20:03

Oh goodness Sad

Do you have a friend you can call, get out of the house?

I'm so sorry x

Sugarice · 03/04/2013 20:04

Cry and keep posting.

Lots of support here, thinking of you.

You're strong and will get through this.

Fairenuff · 03/04/2013 20:05

Even if he's telling the truth (doubtful) that's 3 times in 4 weeks. Times that he has lied to you. Knowing full well that he was risking his marriage. Knowing full well that this would affect his children. And not caring.

She won't be any comfort to him. Whenever he is with her all it will do is remind him of what he has lost. What he has thrown away.

He treated you terribly today because he was still trying to think of a way to spare himself. Not you. Him.

He really doesn't care. He's just sorry he got caught.

You need to build a wall of family and friends around you now. People who really do care about your feelings and want to help and support you.

Keep posting. Let it all out x

Isabeller · 03/04/2013 20:09

I don't have any wise words but my heart goes out to you xx

LittleRedDinosaur · 03/04/2013 20:10

HmmSo sorry. I've been thinking about you today & wanted to say that I think you sound brill. Such an awful thing to happen to you and you've been so strong (even if you don't feel it at the moment).

No advice- I think you're doing everything in such a dignified way. There are loads of us out here thinking about you and your DCs. You will look back on this at some point in the not too distant future and be very proud of how you dealt with this, I'm sure.

StuffezLaBouche · 03/04/2013 20:11

I feel sick on your behalf.
You know what's really disgusting? He's been avoiding coming home NOT out of guilt but because he's been desperately wracking his brains for a plausible excuse and then realised he couldnt think of one. He has NO respect for you.
Vile specimen. "Fight for you!!" how the fuck dare he? no fighting needed if he could just, lets see, not fuck other women.
Have you got a mate close by? Please do have a cry if you need to.

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 03/04/2013 20:11

oh love, I am so sorry. Sad What a shit he is.

Original poster
Loserville · 03/04/2013 20:15

Thank you everyone.

I just keep thinking this is the worst things can get then I'm reminded I need to tell the children :( it is going to break their heart and how much do I tell them. I actually hate him for putting me in this position :( Obviously need to sort out contact and things but I need space from him.

OP posts:
sleeton · 03/04/2013 20:15

I am so very very sorry OP. I have been following, and right to the last second ... right till you posted He's just left. Came in with his head down, I kept hoping for it to be okay for you. I can't even say what I was hoping for, him leaping in with some sort of surreal big 'April Fool' .... I don't know .... just something, anything, that wasn't so terrible as this. I am so sorry.

MrsSpagBol · 03/04/2013 20:15

Erm, I think HE needs to tell the kids. He made the mess, he should clean it up. It's not your job to explain this.

He needs to tell his kids he messed up. That is all.

carabossse · 03/04/2013 20:17

Surely the time to decide he'd "do whatever it takes for his marriage" was at 5pm yesterday after receiving the "?" text, or at 9pm when he was supposed to be on his way home, or late last night when he finally did return home, or this morning when he could have taken the day off work or could have been in contact, or at 2pm after work? Not waiting until his belongings were in a black bag.

Talk really is cheap. He doesn't seem to have shown any concern for his family or for the upset he'd caused till it affected his living arrangements.

OP, you seem very capable. Good luck.

CabbageLeaves · 03/04/2013 20:17

Keep him away. You matter. The kids matter. If he has any decency he will respect that and do it on your terms

I'm so sorry OP. this will get better and stop hurting

cjel · 03/04/2013 20:17

Have a good cry. you will stop. The pain will come and go, you will be happy again.xxx

NotMostPeople · 03/04/2013 20:19

There's nothing wrong with having a bloody good cry, I'm so sorry that he's put you through this. Keep posting MN comes into its own at times like this.

skaboy · 03/04/2013 20:20

Feel bad for you. It's crushing finding something like that out. My advice is to find some really good friends to have around you for the next few weeks if you can.

I'm a couple of months down the line from finding out about my wifes affair and I'm now at the point where I'm ok most of the time. We've separated and are just sorting the logistics with the kids etc. Unfortunately if my experience is anything to go by, you'll have to face up to the fact that he is a liar and you probably won't be able to trust him again whatever happens.

Depending on what kind of person he is it might be sometime before he realises the extent of what he has done, if at all.

FairPhyllis · 03/04/2013 20:22

God almighty. He couldn't even be bothered to come home when he finished work to talk to you. You deserve someone who respects you.

OP if it was a casual thing I doubt very much that she will welcome him turning up with all his stuff. He is going to run out of options pretty fast.

Oh, and HE needs to tell the children with you. Make him face up to the consequences his actions have had on them.