Dating thread no 49

[JulietteMontague]

All daters welcome here.

And Scrazy it appears that I've missed out on loads of background stuff so in that case, what Lubes and 48 say.

You will have to think very serious, grave thoughts as the moment approaches, Nora - Greyfriars Bobby can be good - and have a drink on the go so you have something to put up to your face to hide any smirking that may inadvertently occur. If the worst happens, run to the loo - you can always say you were overcome. I have years of practice at this from the dcs and can now do stealth laughing in total silence. My shoulders still shake a bit but I'm working on that.

Thanks all, I am taking it in.

Bant, sounds like you are thinking the same as me about your ex, would you have to end up in bed or could it be nice showing an old friend around the city.

Still mulling it over. But definitely don't think anything is better than nothing as I'm happy with nothing iyswim. It would be a nice treat to get taken out and spoilt. I'm curious to see if I still have feelings, I suppose. I won't allow anything physical to take place. No way!

bant thanks for the suggestions. I will change accordingly!!

I wanted to make changes because I was attracting the wrong type of men. I like men that are nice, got bit about them, reasonably good looking (not gorgeous but a twinkle in their eye) and who likes to wear nice clothes and up to date with current fashions. My level of pull has been somewhat different. Get a lot of overweight (massive) chavs and complete squares. Not the type of men I want but maybe the men I want are looking for little young blond, glamour pusses!!

Scrazy I think it would be very easy to get carried away and end up back exactly where you were. Stay NC. See, one message has almost led to a meeting already, which will lead to something else, and there you will be, back in the middle of the whole situation again. Don't go stirring up your feelings when you are nearly out the other side!

I am better than I used to be OWW, work has helped in that I have to attempt to look professional rather than a giggling fool. It's good news about Cakey re-arranging.

Scrazy - it would be lovely showing her round the city. We'd have a great time, I've found some interesting places she'd like to see, it would be fun.

The problem is, she's beautiful and fantastic in bed. Probably the best sex I ever had (although to be honest Buffy might well edge her out if I ever see her again) And she's funny and smart and I'm really kind of still in love with her.

Hmm..

Pom - I don't think the words you write in your profile will stop you from attracting the massive chavs and squares. They will like your picture and send you an email no matter what you say. There's no way to stop someone from liking the look of your profile, all you can do is block them.

You could put something in there about what you're looking for in a bloke other than theme parks :) You know, been to college, can quote shakespeare, plays footie every week, whatever. That might weed some of them out, but just writing about yourself isn't going to put anyone off, I don't think

I have a great of sympathy with you Scrazy , not least because I have a fairly strong suspicion that I would find it almost impossible to turn down a meeting with Spud, but I think you'd be taking a step, or several, back (as I would be if I did it ) make sure that whatever you do is the best for you, it doesn't matter what he wants.

Is that French Girl, Bant ? Is there a good reason you're not able to be together ?

I realised she was French :)

Scrazy take it from me it's a bad idea... your brain is doing that trick thing it likes to do in no contact circumstances. It's making up excuses and justifications to see him, but really they are BS.

Remember what i said about asking yourself what the point is and what outcome you want... Looking at it from the outside there really is no positive point here at all. You will most likely still have feelings and what then? Back to square one, either accepting him seeing other women or... healing all over again. It wasn't easy... do you really want to have to go through all that again?

The chances of you looking at him and thinking meh after being spoiled as you put it are pretty much zero - it's a road to more heartbreak, virtually guaranteed.

Bant -. Mind you, you have just reminded me of some of the very rude French phrases I know.

Scazy no, just no. This man did your head when you were seeing him and for some time after. Why would you want to do that to yourself? No contact.

I think French girl wants to be F with the occasional B, I'm trying to find someone who is better than her so I can put her permanently in the past. That's tough though.

Buffy just told me she's still sick, we could watch a movie or something tonight but she's suffering. I dunno. I don't want to get sick and she's snotty and miserable but otherwise I won't get to see her for ages

Yes it is tough, especially when you still have feelings for her. With Buffy, depends how good your immune system is - I'd risk it for a cold, not for c diff. Shudder.

Bant, good to know that men are not always up for the B, when it's offered.

It's not just one message, we've been back in touch for a while but I've been busy.

I still have tomorrows guy to meet so hey he might clinch it, pigs might fly .

pom I'd ask for a date looking at that profile

I might be "nice" but I'm no doormat. I'm confident, know what I want and a bit laid back. And yes, it's worked at the moment (kind of...) but that doesn't mean that in the past I've just had the feeling that (some) women just don't like "nice".

I'm the sort that all your friends approve of, your mum likes and your grandma thinks is lovely .

scrazy I think I agree with most saying its a bad idea. We all have someone who we struggle to let go of (mine being moon girl at work who goes silent for ages, then wants to meet). We know that meeting is bad because nothing will have changed, it's just the start of the cycle again. Unless you can be sure that either he's changed or you're totally immune to it, then don't do it.

I think some men don't like "nice" either. So many of them seem to go for the high-maintenance bitch queen from hell type - probably the nice men end up with the HMBQFH and the nice women end up with the screwed-up bad boys.

But I might be a bit ditzy!! Just taken rubbish out to the bin and to get something from the car. Managed to throw my car key into the bin so spent 5 mins crawling into a wheely bin to fish them out! Classy

Good point oww. I don't like "bad" girls, however not actually managing to delete moon girls number despite her being a shit to me means perhaps I'm as guilty of it I suppose.

I've just deleted it now! Strike while the iron is hot.

Bad seems exciting because of the highs and lows, it's so easy to mistake that adrenaline rush or feelings of relief for feelings for the man himself.

I find some of the men on the sites quite boring, I'm sure they are perfectly nice. They are boring to me because they don't have much interest in what is going on in the world, or don't read, or have no curiosity about life and nothing to say.

It is possible to mistake nice for boring, in fact I once mistook boring for nice* , but nice, kind, loving, available, stable and for me personally, a little bit slutty in bed from time to time is where it's at. Give me butterflies because I'm looking forward to seeing him rather than the angst of wondering why he's late/I've not heard from him.

*I also thought he was easy going when he just had no interest or passion in him. Classic case of seeing what I wanted to see.

Good one Bill - nearly said "Nice one" but thought better of it!

Bill ditzy doesn't cover it! Everyone knows keys belong in the fridge