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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread no 49

999 replies

JulietteMontague · 01/04/2013 15:17

All daters welcome here.

OP posts:
BillMasen · 05/04/2013 15:13

I'm going through a phase of being massively decisive at the moment. Smile. Accepted a severance package at work that means I leave in 3 weeks (scary). No rush to find something else so need to decide on what to do with my time off...

JulietteMontague · 05/04/2013 15:17

Bill that's great news, how exciting. Any ideas what you'll do apart from Geeky Girl?

OP posts:
KinNora · 05/04/2013 15:23

I also thought he was easy going when he just had no interest or passion in him - that, Juliette is an excellent summary of my exh.

BillMasen · 05/04/2013 15:25

Not sure yet. I could choose to not work for a year or so, but that's a bit too long, even for me! Will probably have 3-6 months though. Can't really do the travelling thing because of kids but could have some extended holidays perhaps. Will definitely see more of kids during the week, and also considering volunteering if I can find the right charity. Oh and lots of rock and roll (going out on a school night, having the odd drink!)

AndLibbyMakesThree · 05/04/2013 15:34

I also thought he was easy going when he just had no interest or passion in him - that, Juliette is an excellent summary of my exh.

And a pretty good description of my ex, too!

KinNora · 05/04/2013 15:36

There must be a plague of them, Libby, running around the country, being all meh.

AndLibbyMakesThree · 05/04/2013 15:39

Running? That would be far too much effort for my ex... (though to be be fair, I'm not a runner either!)

What time are you meeting Software? I don't post much, but read obsessively every day, and can't wait to hear how it goes with him.

lubeybooby · 05/04/2013 15:41

That sounds brilliant Bill!

So, my date later. I'm undecided now whether I want to or not. Been tidying and generally getting ready just in case but I'm feeling the cold feet here I think.

There's no reason either really apart from 'not sure if I can be arsed'

I'm just fed up of dating really I think and would rather skip to the part where I have a lovely regular thang goin' on.

I suspect the madwoman libido may take over shortly though.

AndLibbyMakesThree · 05/04/2013 15:43

Could this become a regular thing, do you think, Lubey?

JulietteMontague · 05/04/2013 15:44

Kin it took we a while, severe depression, an additional 24kg of weight, quite a chunk of self confidence and feeling like I didn't exist before I realised what was really going on.

No sex, I could have stood in front of the tv dancing naked. No conversation, I mean none at all. Food was just fuel, when he finished the dinner I'd cooked he would actually get up from the table leaving me there to go and watch tv. He didn't like anything he considered different where I had insisted suggested we do something because he was out of his depth, a particularly romantic wild park on a summers evening had 'too many flies', he didn't like 'foreigh' and had to lie down for a good part of any weekend away (I saw Venice and Barcelona alone), even when we went camping in England he had to rest in the car whilst I put up the tent along with toddler DS. Paris on NYE had to be left at 11.40 because it was 'late' being one hour ahead.

Worst thing was that he was Mr Nice Accountant, everyone questioned why I wasn't happy. When he was out he made an effort. When I finally asked him to leave, people thought it was because I was depressed. I was, that is what being negated every day does to you.

OP posts:
Bant · 05/04/2013 15:46

I also thought (s)he was easy going when (s)he just had no interest or passion in her

Also my ExW.

JulietteMontague · 05/04/2013 15:47

Lubey you have to chat and share a drink with him so he'll put out Grin

OP posts:
KinNora · 05/04/2013 15:48

Libby Software is meeting me in the hotel reception at 6, thereby giving me enough time to lie about and tart myself up before he takes me out for dinner and cocktails. I'm cacking it ( worra lady ).

Lubey think how much it'll be worth the effort if he turns out to be a sex machine and entertaining out of the bedroom.

lubeybooby · 05/04/2013 15:49

Hahahaa :o

It's ok... I really can't see the libido let me get away with flaking out on him! :o

Libby yes, possibly... possibly..

AndLibbyMakesThree · 05/04/2013 15:50

Juliette, he sounds really difficult. Not to mention rude.

I found the lack of enthusiasm for doing things (particularly holidays) quite deflating. I'd get all excited about something, and it was as if I was forcing him along. It wasn't even as if he had his own passions to share with me - or at least, they were pretty much confined to watching sport on TV.

TigsytheTiger · 05/04/2013 15:52

Hey kin hope it goes well with Mr Software and the unveiling - you know we will all be waiting with bated breathe don't you?!! Smile.

With regard to the nice versus bad boy conversation. I want nice every time, but like OWW says that doesn't mean a wet lettuce, but the important things for me, are no game playing and someone who is not afraid to express their feelings. I like cheeky, funny and banter and no angst i do plenty of that for two. But I suppose at the end of the day, one person's bad boy could be another person's Mr Nice maybe it's just how two people interact with each and some people bring out the best and the worst in others?

JulietteMontague · 05/04/2013 15:52

These people who have nothing in them, they can just sit there whilst they suck the life out of you. It starts to shift your reality and expectations, can zap your confidence and all the while they are sitting pretty whilst they sort of overlay everything with a fresh layer of mediocre.

OP posts:
EternalRose · 05/04/2013 15:53

Juliette, is your ex mine??!!

Scrazy · 05/04/2013 15:53

Nora, good luck with your date.

Lubey, it might turn into something regular, you never know.

KinNora · 05/04/2013 15:54

A huge, great chunk of that ^ Juliette is exh. Very successful at work, high flyer, not the slightest interest in me, no sex for 3 years, I tried everything I could think of, nada. When we'd broken up, my sister told me that I hadn't been myself since I'd got married, he'd diminished me little by little with his ambivalence until there was nothing left.

EternalRose · 05/04/2013 15:55

How would you all define laidback-ness?

My ex said his mother always said to him (before she passed away) "You are so laidback you are about to fall over..."

But I am now wondering whether it's a cover up for no passion or interes as well...

KinNora · 05/04/2013 15:58

( the woman sitting in front of me on this train is breathing so loudly that I may have to beat her to death with the iPad so apologies in advance )

AndLibbyMakesThree · 05/04/2013 15:58

Kin, ooh I love cocktails. Is that when the unveiling's going to happen?

Re good/bad ... I've always gone for nice. 'Bad boys' have never appealed to me. The kinder and nicer a man is, the more I usually like him. (Though obviously there has to be a spark and attraction too - that's so important). But clearly it hasn't worked out, so maybe I should change tack and go for bad boys instead?

EternalRose · 05/04/2013 15:58

Kin Grin

EternalRose · 05/04/2013 15:59

Well I always thought the bad boys were those that would consider going joy-riding on a first date the epitome of a good time. I didn't realise there was a grown up version of 'bad boy' untill recently.

Grin
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