Ohhhh movingforward123, I can't tell you how much that book was written for you, and pretty much every women who has a history of going for men, with substance abuse problems, is emotional unavailable, angry and has commitment issues.
It all stems from the fact that we ourselves get our excitement from 'helping', which is why Robin strongly suggests going for the 'boring' man. The 'boring' man is usually without drama, chaos, or any such issues, he is usually very kind and dependable, whereas the bad boy who brings 'uncertainty, usually brings 'excitement' but is normally carefree and irresponsible. She explains that the excitement comes from there constantly being chaos, or a problem with something and for women who love too much, this just sends us on heat! (subconsciously). Women like this always want to 'help'.
Oh, I cant thank this woman enough, really I cant. It's a bestseller, and it really resonated with me. She does talk a lot about women who have come from homes that have been toxic in all senses of the word, and that our relationships with our parents has led to the reason why women act out their relationships in this way. Our childhoods doesn't necessarily need to of had physical, or verbal abuse but it could be the dynamic that occured during your childhood. For example, you may of had a dad that would have preferred a son over a daughter, so you tried your hardest to get his attention etc etc. Or you may of had a mum/dad that was an alchoholic. She explains it all really well.