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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating thread no 49

999 replies

JulietteMontague · 01/04/2013 15:17

All daters welcome here.

OP posts:
Scrazy · 03/04/2013 15:37

Agree with number 3, as has been proved today with my non confirmer. Honestly how rude, why they cannot just make up and excuse like they were ill I really don't know.

It would have been an hours drive for him for a quick coffee at a place near where I work! I don't blame him but just have some manners.

lubeybooby · 03/04/2013 15:42

It is really rude scrazy, what an arse.

KinNora · 03/04/2013 15:58

ChooChoo I once wrote a document for my colleagues, a kind of guide to cancers and researching it meant I read a fair bit around the subject, the list of substances and behaviours that can be carcinogenic was so enormously long that I made a conscious decision to ignore any ' eating tomatoes causes/cures cancer' type scares in the future.

That's a shame about the date Scrazy

Lubey I'm rubbish on the Rules as I'm an appalling soft touch, I'm working on it though.

mercury7 · 03/04/2013 16:07

I guess really it's just the fact of having replicating cells that makes us prone to cancer (not that I'm suggesting there isnt a good case for reducing the risk )

it sounds as if your friend is very susceptible to chlamydia Lubey!

lubeybooby · 03/04/2013 16:15

She's a one woman epidemic mercury... keeps giving it out and getting it back... bleugh.

OhWesternWind · 03/04/2013 16:17

I'm ashamed to say that I'm a bit of a soft touch too, too inclined to believe what people say and to look for the good in them. I am training myself to be more cynical and less trusting but I'm not sure if it's working.

I am usually quite good at having a thick skin, but today I do feel a bit low and maudlin and am wondering what's wrong with me that I can't find a decent bloke. Even the one I thought was okay was actually an arse - so clear with hindsight but not at the time. Seriously doubting my own judgement. In fact, I don't think I should be let out on my own.

lubeybooby · 03/04/2013 16:26

But OWW you DID know really deep down something or many things weren't right. So don't run yourself down on that one. That's a very promising twat radar you have there that will be even more finely honed next time.

And I am Shock at you wondering what's wrong with you that you can't find a decent bloke!! Don't be daft it's only been five minutes... relax... and you've had lots of interest and a couple of dates lined up. You're gonna be fine.

KinNora · 03/04/2013 16:31

OWW your judgement is excellent, don't doubt yourself - look at the amazing people on here who are still looking for someone who deserves to be with them. It's just a low day, it'll get better.

Mercury yes, there are some risk factors that I deliberately avoid, I pick and choose - I won't be ditching smoked salmon etc any time soon, for example. I seem to remember reading that risk as a subject isn't generally understood very well by the non-specialist population, I've had experience of trying to explain the risks from radiation exposure to people - it's very tricky.

Original poster
JulietteMontague · 03/04/2013 16:32

I have tried condoms with oral sex and yuk. Not as yuk as HIV though so I know I shouldn't. Regarding HPV I am working up to telling DS he is going to should have the Gardasil vaccine which protects against all the types (the one they provide in the UK to girls, only deals with 2 strains). Should have done it a couple of years ago when I could have insisted.

Condom slackness, fnarr, is an age thing, HIV infection is rising fastest amongst the 45 plus group apparently. Lots of people out of ltr who don't even think about it.

Bant that algorithm isn't perfect but it is something I pay attention to as a guide and the only man that I matched 98% with I would have happily gone off into the sunset with had he wanted a second date. If Cootgirl is one of those, it will be hats all round Grin.

Scazy how rude of him.

OP posts:
WarmFuzzyFun · 03/04/2013 16:37

'They're not rules as such, more way of guidelines' - Pirates of the Caribbean paraphrase.

OhWesternWind · 03/04/2013 16:43

Well, my ex was a twat and LM was a twat and that basically takes care of the last twenty years! No, to be fair the ex only got really bad after we had the children, so that's around eleven years. It feels like forever and I feel very impatient and fed up with waiting. But there's nothing else to do, just keep on keeping on.

All will be well. It will.

That woman with the chlamydia isn't learning the lesson, is she?

Original poster
JulietteMontague · 03/04/2013 16:45

OWW ahem. There are lots of us here who haven't found a decent man. Lots of us here who have met several decent men but there is no spark. Then there are the loved up ones who had to wait a while to find a decent man but it was worth it, several who irritatingly found one on the first date and those who trip over a decent man and have to be dragged kicking and screaming to admit it Grin

OD is not easy, every time I start to get down about it I remember Bants stats about x number messages, results in y replies, turning into small number of actual dates, only a fraction of which are 'right' on both sides. Nothing wrong with you at all.

OP posts:
Scrazy · 03/04/2013 16:49

Received and apology and a 'can we rearrange'. Think I will ignore.

lubeybooby · 03/04/2013 16:51

No OWW she isn't. She think it isn't much of a problem as antibiotics cure it. Only a matter of time before she gets something more serious. I do worry about her.

OhWesternWind · 03/04/2013 16:52

You're right, Juliette thank you.

I need to get a bit more active messaging people but that will wait until I see what happens tomorrow with Cakey. Who knows, it could be him ...

lubeybooby · 03/04/2013 16:52

I would ignore it scrazy

OhWesternWind · 03/04/2013 17:06

Scrazy did he offer an explanation? If he had a good reason I might meet him, but it would have to be exceptionally good and explain why he didn't let you know in advance ... Bit crap.

incomprehensible · 03/04/2013 17:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KirstyWirsty · 03/04/2013 17:15

OWW you had doubts and because you liked him you made allowances but when it didn't work out you ended it .. Sounds like good judgement to me {hug}

lubeybooby · 03/04/2013 17:25

incomprehensible... are you sure it was an accident and that he didn't take it off?

presuming his innocence and also that you both now won't be having sex with other people I suppose you may as well just carry on without BUT both get tested in case there are any lurking nasties just to make sure.

MirandaWest · 03/04/2013 17:26

incomprehensible are you using any other birth control?

MirandaWest · 03/04/2013 17:27

Also I don't know about how exactly STDs are transmitted but not sure that they definitely are iyswim so still could be on another occasion?

OhWesternWind · 03/04/2013 17:28

Oh thank you Kirsty! Everyone on here could see it coming long before I could, though. I will listen properly next time!

I'm no use in answering that question Incomprehensible but I'd think it's still as well to get tested before you go unprotected. It is possible to have sex with an infected person and not get infected, but each time you have sex of course it'll increase that risk. I think.

VelvetSpoon · 03/04/2013 17:28

Western, as Kirsty says - I don't think there's anything wrong with your judgment :) and some of us me in particular have been OD for a long time without much, if any, success! (That wasn't intended as some sort of competitive misery btw, hope that's not how it came across)

ike1 · 03/04/2013 17:33

Continuing to have lovely lively chats with Mr H ...really need to meet now...but he is still feeling unwell and I am mega busy ... I just dont want a Mountain Man scenario that's all. POF pen pals are normally dangerous territory...