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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating thread no 49

999 replies

JulietteMontague · 01/04/2013 15:17

All daters welcome here.

OP posts:
KirstyWirsty · 03/04/2013 08:57

lubey I got the same from TheAuditor re the vasectomy

lubeybooby · 03/04/2013 09:13

Mornin' all

ChooChooLaverne · 03/04/2013 09:24

Morning!

Sorry didn't reply to everyone last night as I fell asleep, but thanks for all the stories/advice. Will just carry on and see if things improve on their own or else will try lubey's plan.

Velvet hope you managed to get some sleep.

lubey sounds like your Friday plan is working out Grin

Scrazy · 03/04/2013 09:38

Lubey, glad you will have the opportunity to run if needs be. Trust you are meeting him in a neutral place first? Say yes mummy (you know me, always worry about safety. Grin

Not sure if my first coffee date is going ahead today, still waiting to hear.

MirandaWest · 03/04/2013 09:40

Hello :)

I have some children back here. Luckily they are mine Grin

OhWesternWind · 03/04/2013 10:10

Scrazy hope it all works out for your date.

Lubey and for yours too!

Feeling vaguely encouraged about meeting Cakey tomorrow.

Been thinking about LM and in a bad way - keep getting crappy things he did popping into my head. Can't believe I put up with some of this shit. Never again. I think he is deeply fucked up.

lubeybooby · 03/04/2013 10:12

Scrazy yes!

Miranda :o

Choochoo good luck, I'm sure it will be fine one way or another in the end

lubeybooby · 03/04/2013 10:16

Oh yes and scrazy good luck for your date

and you OWW with cakey tomorrow

Don't fret too much about LM... he served a purpose as experience of what you don't want at least, and you're well rid now :) not long til he's a distant and vague 'ugh' memory

Original poster
JulietteMontague · 03/04/2013 11:02

Velvet I reckon you're on to something there with your early condom theory That would explain why the genuine one's get past it once they relax a bit.

OWW maybe you need to go through the process of remembering his more fucked up moments so that you never go there again. He served his purpose, a crash course in 'Managing Difficult People: assertiveness with dummies'. You would wipe the floor with him now.

OP posts:
mercury7 · 03/04/2013 11:41

I can appreciate why men might genuinely have issues with condoms, and if that combines with 'first time performance anxiety' (which I think is also understandable) then it could make things especially difficult.

but they surely appreciate the need to practise safe sex and realise that it is not on to expect women to overlook this important thing!

As far as I know women are a bit more at risk from std's (?) so really it shows that he's putting his short term sexual pleasure above her long term health!

ohmyrainydays · 03/04/2013 11:56

My ex has a problem maintaining an erection with condoms. He now thinks because he's had the snip he doesn't need to use them. This means at the moment he's having unprotected sex with his unsuspecting new girlfriend, the woman in an open relationship who's also sleeping with several men unprotected and at least another one woman who's sexual habits i don't know about. It makes me feel really sick to think of what nasty diseases could be being passed around that lot!

So for me it's no glove no love too. They can profess to be only sleeping with you but in my ex's case i know it's easily lied about.

mercury7 · 03/04/2013 12:44

Rainy, he surely must be aware of the risk of std's, he's just choosing to delude himself?

ALittleStranger · 03/04/2013 12:51

I had an ex with persistent willy wilt with condoms. Took years to get over it and it was always an anxious moment for both of us if we needed to use one. He was an arse about it unfortunately so be supportive but do maintain safe boundaries.

WarmFuzzyFun · 03/04/2013 13:00

Hey.

Dates in the pipeline.

Have been following thread, but lurking due to exhaustion, someone will need to take the baton...[weak smile]

WFF x

KirstyWirsty · 03/04/2013 13:02

I think that for my age group (40s) I was only ever really concerned about preventing pregnancy rather than avoiding stds .. I find it quite hard to enforce the safe sex thing myself ( I hate condoms) and was always in long term relationships and did end up going on the pill but I just went for a STD check (all clear thankfully) and am going to try and take more care going forward (thus poor MrFixit having the wilt with the condom and not getting any further)

Bant · 03/04/2013 13:12

I'm not a big fan of the condom myself but just think it makes sense till you're exclusive and checked.

I've never used one myself (or should I say I've never been with anyone that has) but would a femidom be a solution to the wilting? Not that you should need to, the bloke should be responsible and able in my opinion, but it could help with the problem

lubeybooby · 03/04/2013 13:13

I'm 32 and had it endlessly drummed into me when I was growing up... sex ed at school, every teens and women's magazine (some I shouldn't have been reading at a young age) it was all condoms condoms condoms, carry then yourself, yes even if you are female, don't rely on him having one, HIV growing among heterosexual women, respect yourself etc etc

It seems to have worked!

MY DD says it hasn't been the same for her and there isn't this pressure and drumming in coming from everywhere (apart from from me!) I guess we're a bit further away from the major scares about HIV now and the drumming in about it has lessened.

I dislike them myself but accept that I'm stuck with them until what I want changes or I can be in a casual-ish but still monogamous relationship like with BC.

ChooChooLaverne · 03/04/2013 13:24

Do Femidoms even still exist?

lubeybooby · 03/04/2013 13:26

I think they do choochoo Confused

48howdidthathappen · 03/04/2013 13:32

Kirsty Same here, it was all about preventing babies, so just went on the pill. Job done Blush

Another who finds 'safe sex' hard to enforce.

48howdidthathappen · 03/04/2013 13:37

Moving How are things going with your ex, have you sorted it?

Original poster
JulietteMontague · 03/04/2013 13:38

I think I'm the last generation that was able to shag with abandon without worry about HIV. On the pill, you could have anyone, anywhere without even thinking about it. Seemed to alway turn into a relationship. Luckily for me there was a previous big scare about Herpes just before HIV which meant it was always wrap up from then on.

Thinking about it, that is when more sensual sex as the default seemed to go out of the window, the kind where you just cuddle up and drift into it when PIV could just be uber closeness.

Bant have you met up with Cootgirl yet? Spill Grin

OP posts:
48howdidthathappen · 03/04/2013 13:57

Juliette Agree 100%

I have never had safe sex with Mr R&R Blush Shock

48howdidthathappen · 03/04/2013 13:59

Rushes off back to work.

Bant · 03/04/2013 14:10

Haven't met with CootGirl yet, I've tentatively arranged one for this weekend, will possibly be seeing Buffy first and talking rather than jumping straight into bed. Possibly.

CootGirl has a busy life, I do too, we'll have to see if there's a spark and if things could work long distance some of the time. Partly I just want to see how well OKC scores match up to reality. I recognise someone who's been looking at me on there who, even though it's a very high score, we probably really wouldn't get on well in real life.