bertie what a shame for your little one. Count down the days! You won't miss him, more the idea of what your relationship should have been, iyswim.
I'm just going to have a little self-indulgent rant, if you don't mind, just to get it out my system, so that I can get on with the rest of the weekend. Just want to update on my rather panicked post earlier, probably just over-reacting, in fact, I feel like I am compared to what others go through on here, but I find it very difficult to think in any way clearly when FW is here.
And I kind of hope if I write things down, it will not be in my head, and I can enjoy the rest of the week with DCs. If someone could post something, anything after this post, so it doesn?t stay the last one, that would be great ? I want to hide it in here. Because it would be very obvious to him who I am should he find it.
Basically, I offered some weeks ago to take DCs down to his over Easter and stay in a hotel, so that the children (DCs and his DD (my SD)) could see each other. My DD and SD are very close, and one reason I hesitated over ending the relationship. But he said he was away the fortnight (he is taking his DD to his parents. I also figure that he is going to his exes (SD?s mums) wedding as it falls in the time he is away? we were all invited, but I basically said I did not want to go and one of the things which precipitated the end of our relationship was the fact that he then tried to rather aggressively persuade me.
Anyway, what he said this morning when he was here to see DC2 was that his ex and her DH to be are coming over in a couple of months and he will be having DD while they are here and he wants the children to see each other (this all sounds very reasonable, but he lives several hours away, so it is not like he can just pop round and his ex and her DH to be are coming to where I live, not where he lives). He said this in front of DD, when we had not discussed it. I was going out with DD, and he brought it up again before we left, and then again at the end of his time with DC2. I followed silver?s advice and asked him to email me the dates and what he proposed and did not depart from this stance.
At the end of the day, he also asked me about the Easter weekend and I said I had changed my plans. He then started shouting at me for not telling him, and I said I was telling him now. (I have had a stressful week at work, big car bills and am very tired, at this point, I also had a headache. I have changed plans at the last minute based on what my sister is doing, and my level of fatigue and just wanting to be at home, but did not really want to go into the whys and wherefores (again in front of DCs) so when he pressed me on why I had changed my plans, I just said several reasons). He asked me if I was not going to tell him what those reasons were. I said no, I?m not, cue more shouting about me not talking to him, I said, well, I am talking to you, he said, no you are not, I said, well, I?m sorry that you feel that, he said, no, you don?t need to be sorry, except this was said still in a quite aggressive manner, so clearly I should be sorry.
The thing with SD?s visit is that by the third iteration of this conversation (before he left) he said he was not going to stay here in a hotel with SD (I had not said anything). I feel like if he really wanted DCs to see each other, he would not be going away over Easter, he would have discussed it with me, but he didn?t, I just found out he wouldn?t be here when I asked him about Easter. When SD is here, it is in DDs term time. No-one has asked me about dates. I don?t know what I am supposed to do.
Then there are other things like there was no food in the house because I had not been shopping yet, so I went out to get things so that he could make DC2 lunch, when he said he was not going to take DC2 out in the morning, but then I didn?t have the right stuff so he was complaining about that; him snapping at DD when she answered a question intended for me, snapping at DD for not tidying away her things from the table, when they (he and DC2) had also been doing stuff at the table, these kind of things, small things, but I?m just tired and the level of anxiety I have when he is here makes me feel ill, and that doesn't help.
So, yes, on one hand, I think I am overreacting, he is just reacting badly to the fact that I have ended the relationship and I don?t deserve any better treatment, on the other hand, I think well, it was like this before I ended it, this is why I ended it ? though it is not obviously abusive, it is not nice either. And I somehow need to find the strength to draw more boundaries, without damaging his relationship with DC2. I?m feeling bad because I didn?t call him out on snapping at DD when she was trying to be helpful. I do just want to tell her at some point that he is a bully and it?s not her, and she need s to recognise that, but I can?t because he is DC2?s dad.
That apart, I hope that silver is not snowed in anywhere in Ireland, weather looks dreadful, though maybe being snowed in would be a good thing for her! tis, I haven't been following GB's thread, but I wish her well, by the sounds of it. I wish everyone well.