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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I am furious with my husband.

166 replies

AuntLucyInPeru · 12/03/2013 22:37

We work together in our worn company. There was a networking 'do' on tonight 6-8.30 (10 mins walk fromhome) so I suggested he go as it was more his line of work than mine. He went to the pub afterwards and ignored my calls/ texts for an hour asking him where he was and if he was coming home. At 9pm he called, said he'd gone for ONE drink with an interesting new contact an would be back soon. An hour ago. Still in the fucking pub, pretending he can't hear his phone. EVERY FUCKING TIME he goes for a 'networking drink' it's the same. Home 3am throwing up everywhere and being a bolshy drunk. We're not talking every month. We're talking a couple of times a year. I NEVER do this. I am fucking furious. We have a 3yr old and 5 yr old so i can't even leave the house to drag the cunt home. What do I fucking do now.

OP posts:

catlady1 · 12/03/2013 22:42

Put the chain on the door and pretend you can't hear him knocking

Original poster

AuntLucyInPeru · 12/03/2013 22:47

I'm not laughing catlady. I am between seething and gutted. I have been texting and calling for hours. I may seem obsessive but if he doesn't come home before he's shitfaced it's me has to spend 2 hours getting the aggressive cunt to bed when he dj at staggers home and clearing up the vomit. I will NOT DO THIS. How do I break the cycle!?

OP posts:

Zara1984 · 12/03/2013 22:48

Do what catlady says!

He'll soon fucking learn.

Tell him you'll keep locking him out every time he does it until he stops acting like a twunt and deals with his alcohol problem.

mowzer · 12/03/2013 22:49

I second that! Plus a serious 'relationship talk' in a couple of days. Actually, my dh has done this before, I go to bed, but never sleep well because listening out. Have you got a good book (I'm practical, me) and either a good solicitor or a very fierce mother?

Zara1984 · 12/03/2013 22:49

Ok it may be only a couple of times a year but it's a problem, IMO, for a parent to come home shitfaced and vomity when their children are in the house.

mowzer · 12/03/2013 22:51

Though as it's cold, obviously you can't actually lock him out because he could freeze!

rhondajean · 12/03/2013 22:52

It's the agressive bit that really worries me - care to elaborate op?

MumVsKids · 12/03/2013 22:55

You break the cycle by refusing to let him in and/or clearing up his vomit.

SanityClause · 12/03/2013 22:55

I do think catlady could be right. But considering the weather, I don't think you should lock him out tonight. (Seriously, it could be fatal.)

However, you should tell him, once the drama is over, that this was the last time. That you won't put up with it again, so that next time he goes out on the lash, he needs to organise somewhere to stay, before he gets too drunk.

And if it's only every 6 months, next time it'll be in the middle of September, and not too cold for him to sleep under the stars.

Original poster

AuntLucyInPeru · 12/03/2013 22:57

Randy and shouty, rather than hitty, but still completely fucking unacceptable in my eyes. He has just called - dribblingly slaughtered. Supposedly coming home, but said that two hours ago. He really is a complete cunt when he does this.

OP posts:

Original poster

AuntLucyInPeru · 12/03/2013 22:58

Every fucking time is the last time. His father was an alcoholic. Completely fucked up his whole childhood. You'd think he'd know fucking better.

OP posts:

olivertheoctopus · 12/03/2013 23:01

In what fucked up world is getting that drunk an acceptable form of networking?!? I would def barricade your bedroom door so he can't get in and go out for the day and leave him to deal with his own vomitty mess

rhondajean · 12/03/2013 23:01

It is unacceptable.

I wouldn't clean up after him. I'd also video him ranting on my phone. When he sobered up I would show him exactly how he behaved and ask if that is what he wants his own children growing up with.

Try not to work yourself up. Easier said than done I know but it won't help.

Original poster

AuntLucyInPeru · 12/03/2013 23:02

I am beyond worked up. We did 'worked up' last time he did this.

OP posts:

IAmNotAMindReader · 12/03/2013 23:02

Well he knows what it will do to his children to see him like this. The two of you need to have a serious talk where you impress upon him that if he gets like this he alone can deal with the aftermath and he doesn't bring it back to the house where it may disturb the kids.

In short if he gets that rat arsed he can stay elsewhere till it wears off and he's human again.

rhondajean · 12/03/2013 23:04

Oh dear.

I didn't mean to sound patronising btw, its just you can't do anything right now, and even if you could talk to him he can't hold a sensible conversation and if you can, the best thing you can do is go and try to sleep or at least rest a bit.

mowzer · 12/03/2013 23:06

Oh. In that case, counselling for him ASAP. Probably for a while. If he won't, and he won't stop getting wankered, you've really got to end it.

Doesn't sound like typical alcoholism like his dad, but binge drinking is still a major problem especially when it doesn't fit with your life.

I wouldn't try to discuss this tomorrow, I'd go for the day after. Maybe try saying you understand that he needs to let off steam, but that this isn't the way to do it.

So sorry this is happening to you tonight xx

mowzer · 12/03/2013 23:08

Do you feel like you need a trial separation?

Original poster

AuntLucyInPeru · 12/03/2013 23:10

20 mins from the 'I'm walking home now' call and 'findmyiphone' says he's still in the pub. And not answering calls again. God I hate him.

OP posts:

mowzer · 12/03/2013 23:12

Oh love. Xx

rhondajean · 12/03/2013 23:16

Could you rest? Maybe take a cup of tea and have a lie down?

Original poster

AuntLucyInPeru · 12/03/2013 23:18

Not really no. Because I know at some completely unknown point in the next 4 hours a vomiting dribbling shithead will come home and want a 2hr row. Followed by some vomitting. almost certainly not in a bathroom. Maybe alone. Maybe with one or more new 'friends'. Maybe in 5 mins. Maybe an hour. Maybe more. Cunt.

OP posts:

PureQuintessence · 12/03/2013 23:19

I remember your past threads. Surely it is more regularly than just a few times per year? Does he realize he is not making a good impression when getting shit faced on networking events? Has anything good business wise ever come out of him attending such events?

CatsCantFlyFast · 12/03/2013 23:19

Am I missing something?? I read tht a couple of times a year your husband goes out, gets drunk and doesn't respond to texts/calls and comes home a bit pissed. And that he's with a potential client and you a ringing and texting him over and over again (I assume he has put his phone on silent and in his pocket so as to not look weird to potential client). I may have misread or missed an important point but if not it sounds to me as though you are overreacting IMO

PureQuintessence · 12/03/2013 23:20

Can you not in future arrange that he books into a hotel?

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