I am furious with my husband.

[AuntLucyInPeru]

We work together in our worn company. There was a networking 'do' on tonight 6-8.30 (10 mins walk fromhome) so I suggested he go as it was more his line of work than mine. He went to the pub afterwards and ignored my calls/ texts for an hour asking him where he was and if he was coming home. At 9pm he called, said he'd gone for ONE drink with an interesting new contact an would be back soon. An hour ago. Still in the fucking pub, pretending he can't hear his phone. EVERY FUCKING TIME he goes for a 'networking drink' it's the same. Home 3am throwing up everywhere and being a bolshy drunk. We're not talking every month. We're talking a couple of times a year. I NEVER do this. I am fucking furious. We have a 3yr old and 5 yr old so i can't even leave the house to drag the cunt home. What do I fucking do now.

Ok, if he always wants a two hour row that is PROPERLY not ok. Have you got anyone who can come round to help you deal with him? This will also help him to accept this isn't ok, if someone else sees it. Can you ring someone?

I have reread to check my facts. If you are in the same line if work you should understand 'networking' an client engagement does not end at a specific time. And right now he is probably putting off coming home to you screaming and going mad.
You may not like what I have written. However constructive advice, go to bed, sleep on it (even if you don't sleep), do not say or do anything tonight. Address tomorrow when you are calmer, he is sober and you have perspective. I am not saying you are wrong to be angry but an argument tonight will make things worse

You are being completely over the top. He's a grown man. Why are you ringing him and texting him all the time? Weird. If he wants to go out a couple of times a year and have a drink why shouldn't he? If he comes home very drunk, so what. If he is argumentative and pukes somewhere that isn't in the toilet then make this fuss.
Stop ringing and texts and stop getting in a fuss over something that hasn't happened.
It's not exactly 3 am now is it.

No. The pissed is fine (within moderation etc). The telling me he'll be home in an hour I.e in time to kiss the kids goodnight, the ignoring calls and texts til 9/10pm / then one call to say he's en-route home now and a bit pissed but sorry - then no FUCKING sign of him til 4am when he and assorted random strangers burst into my house and start on the spirits, til they leave, then it takes me another hour to get him to bed and clean up the sick, then boring hours of guilt in the morning is not fine.

You aren't making sense.

Every time he goes for a networking drink its the same
Why didn't you go instead if it bothers you this much?
Or why didn't you have a word before he left then leave him alone?
Ringing and texting for an hour, really? Before 9pm? Weird. You need to get a grip and calm down.

Point 1: STOP calling him. You'll remond him that you're hanging on his every second.

If he says he's goingout for an hour, leave him to it.

Point 2: if he does come home steaming drunk and cause trouble, call the police and ask him to be removed.

Point 3: any vomit, he clears it up.

Point 4 : repeat until he packs it in.

Point 5: If point 4 fails, bolt the door.

Don't call him. Stop the findmyphone nonsense. You are not his mother.

He is a grown man, he can chose to live with you as a responsible adult, or he can choose to live elsewhere ...

Remind, not remond! :D

actually I think you should take a different approach. The second you realised at 9pm he wasn't coming back I would have taken the children to parents or a hotel and returned the next evening.

Plenty of time for him to have cleaned up his own shit. And you would have got a good nights sleep.

You need to change the record, if you do what you've always done - you get what you always get.

Um, you are making sense. To come home puking drunk and aggressive with small kids in the house ain't ok. It's not a matter of you nagging a man who is networking, it's a case of him getting 'stuck in the pub' and becoming unacceptably drunk.

And when you returned calm the next evening you could have explained the impact on you and the children and that you didn't want them to see or hear him in that state.

If he brings home random strangers, call the police.

At some point you have to decide whether you want to live with this. Right now you are choosing to.

People have to really want to change - what makes you think he wants to be different?

Hope you get some sleep xx

He's home now and shouting

The single most important piece of advice I have taken from MN is that you can't control someone else's behaviour, just your reaction to it.

My DH does this on the rare occasion too. I stopped. Stopped calling, texting, took it for granted that a few drinks would be rolling in at stupid o'clock.

When I stopped, the shit that came with it stopped. I think by getting worked up about it and, expecting it enabled him to continue with that kind of behaviour.

Best of luck

and hide/chuck the spirits

Screaming at me now. Great. So dunk he can't even see me.

Apparently I made him do it. It's all my fault. He never even wanted to go!

I tried to video him but phone ran out of batteries. No rooms with locks.

I used to live with one of these "I don't get shit faced every day so I'm not an alcoholic" types. It all ended one night with him throwing me across the kitchen onto the cooker as I spoiled his fun.

Every time he went out for a drink, (it wasn't very often),there was an awful sinking feeling about what would walk in the door.

If I had my time back I would have broken my reaction cycle and left for a hotel and left him to stew in his mess for 24 hours.

No real advice AuntLucyInPeru but keep yourself and the children safe tonight.