I am furious with my husband.

[AuntLucyInPeru]

We work together in our worn company. There was a networking 'do' on tonight 6-8.30 (10 mins walk fromhome) so I suggested he go as it was more his line of work than mine. He went to the pub afterwards and ignored my calls/ texts for an hour asking him where he was and if he was coming home. At 9pm he called, said he'd gone for ONE drink with an interesting new contact an would be back soon. An hour ago. Still in the fucking pub, pretending he can't hear his phone. EVERY FUCKING TIME he goes for a 'networking drink' it's the same. Home 3am throwing up everywhere and being a bolshy drunk. We're not talking every month. We're talking a couple of times a year. I NEVER do this. I am fucking furious. We have a 3yr old and 5 yr old so i can't even leave the house to drag the cunt home. What do I fucking do now.

Yep. Call the police, if your husband comes home drunk from the pub, AND WANTS TO GET INTO HIS OWN HOUSE.

I'm sure they'll be impressed.

I also get this, well not the vomitting, but the occasional drunken binges. Once DH has gone past a couple of pintsthe beer monster takes hold. I used to react like you. Resentful as I knew I'd be disturbed ,that we would argue.

Then I realised it would just continue to happen the same way. What ever I did made no difference in the long run.

I could not change it but I could change how I reacted and try to cntrol how I feel. So now if DH goes for a drink after work I kind of write hime off for the night. I settle in for an indulgent evening on my own. Crap TV, my book, a curry ,bubblebath...whatever....and just accept he has the beer monster and is a grown man. He can deal with getting home/clearing up his fridge raids.

Since have stopped hounding him her has come home far quicker and less pissed on his nights out. No more teenagery staying out later becaus it is so unfair he is being nagged.

Sorry, you are B a bit U. I feel for you. But stop trying to control it.

It is veryg occassionally. And can you imagine how you would feel if he didit to you on a night out?
Sorry about typing. On phone.I

Wow Fishfingers, it sounds like we are married to the same man!

What's not to be impressed about, he comes home from the pub screaming at his wife. Yep that's completely normal behaviour for a family man after an evening socialising.

Agree with Maryz if you feel threatened at all, don't hesitate to leave with the children. It won't scar them for life but may keep them and you safe.

Now he's crying on me. I'm his world and I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND HIM. Every fucking time.

And we're back to shouting..

Catlady had it with the first reply - mine would do this given the chance

Key left in the lock so he couldn't get in, phone off hook & ignore his banging - cold night too' so he ended up having to ring friends of ours & sleep on there floor, so not only was he locked out but it was gossip fodder too - he didn't do it again

Go to bed. Next time, you go to the networking do.

sorry sweetheart

firstly op take a step back.

Drunk and throwing up and shouting is never nice to have to witness. but...

You say he gets in this state a couple of times a year. Does he come home looking for an argument or is it the case that when he comes home you look for the argument out of frustration over the state he is in? Because while it shouldn't be the case that you getting into an argument would provoke him into becoming agressive, alcohol can make people unpredictable. If you simply didn't react to the fact he is out late, as a poster said above just accepted that an hour in the pub means coming home shit-faced at midnight (and midnight isn't actually that late in the scheme of things) would he still come home agressive or would he just come home and be ill (which I wouldn't clean up for him either fwiw) and then go to bed?

Getting angry with him when he does come home drunk and throwing up is perfectly understandable and acceptable, however constantly calling and texting him while he's out and getting angry because he's not answering his phone is not. He's an adult. If he wants to go to the pub until midnight a few times a year he should be entitled to do that without you being on his back from 9:00 onwards.

You perhaps need to have a conversation about the way he reacts when he is drunk but there is IMO fault on both sides here.

All the talk of calling the police and locking the kids somewhere out of his way etc are totally hysterical.

So it finished at 8.30, yet for an hour up to 9pm you were calling/texting him? almost half an hour before the networking stopped? Why? What purpose does that serve? Badgering him a full 30 minutes before his event finished? (When dh goes out, I always know to add an hr onto the time he says he will be home, just because. If he doesn't turn up, then he is having a good time & as long as I know where he is (he will text, on way home, still out etc) I really couldn't give a rats arse. Because he will be home eventually & he rarely goes out)

So no wonder he didn't come home, he knew he was in for an ear bashing & stayed out to avoid it. Then when he does come in, he is shouting. Is it any wonder? You started badgering him well before the networking even finished & you wonder why he is in a bad mood? You can't network while you are on the phone being yelled at!

If you were a man calling a woman like this, instead of getting support here you would be getting called a stalker, a manipulator, an abuser who wants his wife/gf with him at all times, getting accused of harassment etc.

My friend had girlfriends like you & it plays exactly how it reads here. They go out for one drink, she starts calling before his pint is even pulled, one becomes 2 so he can make a point that she isn't his keeper, she keeps calling, 2 becomes 3, she keeps calling, 3 becomes 4 because is he preparing himself for the fallout & may as well get hung for 4, as for 3 etc. She keeps calling, 4 becomes 5 because he doesn't even want to go home/see her now.

Meanwhile we are all thinking that she is some kind of stalker who can't let him have time with his mates.

As for "can't leave the house to drag him home", really? You would do this? If you could, you would go out, find him & drag him home? Just wow, really! Sorry op, but no wonder he didn't want to come home. You sound a bit unhinged & very controlling to be fair.

If he does it every time he goes out you need to plan for it, (even if it is only twice a year). Even if that mean you won't badger him, no matter what time it is & he doesn't come rolling home drunk out of his mind, vomiting etc, or after 12am. Because all you are doing here is pissing him off & in turn pissing yourself off.

what vacuuming said at 23:44, only with more words :D

He is behaving like a particularly awful teenager But so is the op! Calling him to check if he is on his way home 30 minutes BEFORE the END of his event? While he is networking for new business to keep him company running? That isn't exactly grown up stuff either.

It's childish & controlling!

The event ended at 8. I texted him at 8.30 to ask if he was coming home as I wanted to eat. Then increasingly frequently from 9pm onwards. I appreciate your input but no, I don't think that trying to intervene and break the drinking cycle so as not to have a shouting (alternating sobbing) vomiting man keeping the house awake for several hours post midnight is restricting his cool 'let the chap have a drinky' right to party.

but op, if you weren't constantly texting him, would he come home shouting?

FFS it's not the OP's fault, she gets no blame for his actions.

Yes OP you should be sitting sweetly doing your knitting waiting for him to drag his backside through the door and when required hold the sick bowl for him and smile as he screams at you.

There was a networking 'do' on tonight 6-8.30

8 or 8.30 op

6.30 til 8. My mistake in the original post.

First text 20.24. Does that help you at all with your judgmental hoikypants?

Schnarkle

No one has said that! I have a deal with dh, if he comes in & throws up, he clears it up. So he doesn't come homes drunk enough to allow that. Because he is able to drink freely with out fear of me calling him constantly for an hour, he doesn't go mad with the booze to make a point.

OP sounds v controlling, perhaps her dh is fed up of being controlled to the point where she would drag him home if she could. I recognise that throwing up/aggression is not acceptable by any stretch, but really, neither is badgering your spouse when they are trying to drum up new business to keep their company running.

My pants aren't hoicked at all, thanks. Not judging you. Just pointing out inaccuracies in your posts, op.

First text 20.24

ignored my calls/ texts for an hour asking him where he was and if he was coming home. At 9pm he called

Surely YOU can see the difference here! There isn't an hour between 8.24 & 9pm