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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I am furious with my husband.

166 replies

AuntLucyInPeru · 12/03/2013 22:37

We work together in our worn company. There was a networking 'do' on tonight 6-8.30 (10 mins walk fromhome) so I suggested he go as it was more his line of work than mine. He went to the pub afterwards and ignored my calls/ texts for an hour asking him where he was and if he was coming home. At 9pm he called, said he'd gone for ONE drink with an interesting new contact an would be back soon. An hour ago. Still in the fucking pub, pretending he can't hear his phone. EVERY FUCKING TIME he goes for a 'networking drink' it's the same. Home 3am throwing up everywhere and being a bolshy drunk. We're not talking every month. We're talking a couple of times a year. I NEVER do this. I am fucking furious. We have a 3yr old and 5 yr old so i can't even leave the house to drag the cunt home. What do I fucking do now.

OP posts:
ScarletWomanoftheVillage · 13/03/2013 14:19

Hope you are ok after such a traumatic night op.

theonewiththenoisychild · 13/03/2013 14:55

the findmyphone thing and constant texting and calling sounds to me like you don't trust him I suffered bad from paranoia and did this sort of thing myself altho never went as far as tracking him with findmyphone. my dp went out one night said he would be home by 10 recently expecting me to be the same so he left it til later and came home at almost 1am I can read him like a book so left him to it and when he got home I went to bed he slept on the sofa and left it at that the next time he.went out he was back by 9 Wink

cronullansw · 13/03/2013 19:51

Wow......

After being told by my dp, and work partner, to attend an event, then get an hours worth of texts / calls in 30 minutes, I wouldn't have come home to this screamy, shouty, naggy, texty aggressive overload who was ''fucking furious''.

Op, not being personal here, but girl, you need to slow things down a little. if you project heaps of nagging and aggression on someone, you can't expect to get anything different coming back to you.

Seabean · 13/03/2013 19:54

i agree with the last message. you sound scary ALIP. no wonder he's staying out. you seriously need to calm down. iv'e got hives just reading your threads. :(

Maryz · 13/03/2013 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Seabean · 13/03/2013 19:56

i agree with the last message. you sound scary ALIP. no wonder he's staying out. you seriously need to calm down. iv'e got hives just reading your threads. :(

rhondajean · 13/03/2013 20:05

Me too Maryz.

Aunt Lucy, if you are still reading, I hope you are okay. Some of us completely get what your issue is.

flippinada · 13/03/2013 20:15

I'm open mouthed at some of these posts

Actually, that's a lie, I'm not. Seeing MN's bravest keyboard warriors piling in to kick someone when they're down is a distinctly unedifying but not unusual sight.

How are you today OP?

SpecialAgentKat · 13/03/2013 20:39

Then go tend to them and fuck off with the passive aggressive sad face Seabean.

Agree flippinada, how do people not see anxiety from previous frightening drunk husband results in anxiety with results in her 'evi; nagging.'

Tell me, do any of the women on this thread defiantly drink extra when their concerned DH is 'nagging' them to come home? Or if he genuinely is just over reacting do you text him, tell him not to worry, you'll home around XZY, turn your phone on silent and continue the night?

... Or do you read his text, get angry he has the nerve to nag you like that, and with each text get another pint and bring strange people home?

If you do, get help. Because if the OP was a man talking about his wife these posts would be a hell of a lot different.

SugarPasteGreyhound · 13/03/2013 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 13/03/2013 20:53

The thing is, for me, do I want to live like this?

Are the posters telling OP she is over-reacting happy to live like this ?

do they think she should STFU and let this bloke treat her how he does ?

really ?

unfortunately, I think op is simply having a rant, and intends to stay right in the same situation

what I think would be most helpful on this thread, rather than list all the things she is supposedly doing wrong, is to point out she has a choice

stay, and STFU

or make the decision no more and take the appropriate steps

is this bloke an alcoholic ? I dunno

I do believe he is an idiot, who brooks no respect

so, on that basis, make your decision

Piemother · 13/03/2013 20:54

Exh used to do this except it was bed wetting not vomiting. I was promised all sorts including staying at mates except of course they didn't want him - because he wets the bed plus his nasty little friend seemed to enjoy encouraging him up drink because he knew how much his behaviour upset me.
His drinking episodes were also quite infrequent but nothing detracted from his god given entitlement to drink until he wet himself if he felt like it.
God I am so happily divorced. Good luck op Hmm

Original poster
AuntLucyInPeru · 13/03/2013 20:54

Thank you all so much for your support last night. I really appreciated it, and it did calm me down (a bit!) for when he came home. We went out for breakfast this morning and talked about it. I think we both listened. The Peru household is back on an even keel (for today, at least Smile)

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/03/2013 20:56

ah, as I thought

just a rant

aaaaand reset

flippinada · 13/03/2013 20:57

Well said SpecialAgent and Sugar

I'd also as that it's not unreasonable to expect a responsible adult not to behave like that.

Folk can make all the excuses they want but someone who carries on like that has a serious drinking problem, and that is horrible to live with.

flippinada · 13/03/2013 20:59

Lots of X posts, I see. Oh well.

BelaLugosisShed · 13/03/2013 21:01

At last , a few voices of reason on a thread full of minimisers, do some people really think this is normal or acceptable behaviour from an adult ?

SpecialAgentKat · 13/03/2013 21:02

Of course Bela, one poster even said she was a fishwife.

Original poster
AuntLucyInPeru · 13/03/2013 21:05

Sorry AF, didn't see your post until after mine. I always appreciate your i put - I know you to be a kind and supportive poster on all difficult relationship threads (albeit a more 'robust' poster than many othersSmile).

Last night hasn't been swept under the carpet. There was a lot said this morning which i haven't reported line by line. My marriage is complicated (as are many) and my husband is often difficult - but he is also amazing and the man i love and the man I married for lots of (still) valid and good reasons.

The mumsnet support and advice I received last night was hugely appreciated (from those who agreed with me, and some of those who didn't) and has been reflected on and put to use .I didn't want to leave it in-acknowledged.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/03/2013 21:10

bela, I held off, because I get sick of people making excuses for arsehole behaviour (not you, OP....although it does appear you have been appeased, again Sad )

would the OP attackers really agree to live like this ?

I certainly would not, and would not pressurise anyone else into doing so

it seems OP has decided it's not so bad after all

I truly hope that none of the responses on this thread have helped to convince her so

sherbetpips · 13/03/2013 21:11

A couple of times a year? I guess I would say that he just needs to be straight up with you and if a few drinks is clearly turning into a session then he needs to give you a call and let you know. That way maybe you wouldn't get wound up? Is it the fakery that annoys you or just the fact that he goes out and gets pissed?

AnyFucker · 13/03/2013 21:13

cross posted (again) OP

I wish you well

I don't think this thread has been much help to you though Sad

StuffezLaBouche · 13/03/2013 21:13

Thing is though OP, how will you react when it happens next time? I'm glad you feel things are much calmer and sorted now, but how many times do you want to be going through this cycle?

SpecialAgentKat · 13/03/2013 21:15

If DH ever got this pissed and brought strangers home and frightened my children while screaming abuse at me for hours? Even if by some miracle I forgave him I don't know if our relationship would ever be the same TBH.

SpecialAgentKat · 13/03/2013 21:16

Agree AF. This is just the 'Honeymoon phase' :(