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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please help I think I may be going to have an affair ...

131 replies

Sunnysideup123 · 02/03/2013 18:56

I am quite prepared to get slated here and actually think I deserve to . I really need some advice . I have been having an on off flirtation with a dad at school run . I do find him attractive . However I am also friends with his fiancée sho they have three kids with .... I am mostly happily married with three kids , we have our ups and downs snd sometimes life is a bit boring , mundane , he works away a lot . This relationship with the dad has been getting more flirtatious , we texted last night and the texts got very flirty .... He suggested we meet basically to get up to no good next week
Please help I know I am bring wrong but I really do find him attractive and don't know what to do .....

OP posts:
PureQuintessence · 02/03/2013 18:58

This reply has been deleted

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Schlock · 02/03/2013 18:58

You make it sound like you might just fall over onto his penis.

You do have a choice you know.

ScillyCow · 02/03/2013 18:59

Walk. Away. Now.

Otherwise you are taking a whole lot of people into a world of pain.

sneezingwakesthebaby · 02/03/2013 19:00

Erm... Just don't do it??

sneezingwakesthebaby · 02/03/2013 19:00

And stop texting him!

allaflutter · 02/03/2013 19:01

aren't you sorry for his fiance? mind you, if he can cheat so easily, she should find out asap and get rid, unless they have an open r-ship.

Ledkr · 02/03/2013 19:01

Can you put your efforts more into your family?
You know it will end in tears mostly the children's tears too.
Be strong and avoid him for a bit it's just infatuation and will pass.

Pancakeflipper · 02/03/2013 19:01

Delete his number out of your phone and delete his texts.

Get some self-control.

Start flirting and putting into the relationship with your husband.

I do have some sympathy as my DP works away alot and I feel invisible at times but this shag with this bloke is not the answer and you'll feel hell of a lot worse afterwards.

BeerTricksPotter · 02/03/2013 19:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cats22 · 02/03/2013 19:03

Stop contact NOW! Make yourself stop before you hurt a lot of people. Three kids each side...
If your relationship is not enough for you, end it or fix it. Start now, talk to your h. I wouldn't tell him about the flirting, just about the mundanity, but that's up to you.

Schlock · 02/03/2013 19:03

And be under no illusion - a man that can cheat on his fiance is no prize. And neither are you, if you go ahead and do it.

Original poster
Sunnysideup123 · 02/03/2013 19:03

Pancake flipper thank u for some understanding I know ill feel worse after guess I just feel invisible a lot of the time :(

OP posts:
allaflutter · 02/03/2013 19:03

just tell him 'No' as you both should have some respect for his fiance and for your H.

TheAccidentalExhibitionist · 02/03/2013 19:04

Please remember that you have a choice here. This affair will not happen unless you make it happen.
The desire for excitement and drama will come back and bite you hard on the ass and you will probably lose your DH over it.
One shag and a life time of pain or guilt, is it really worth it?

Original poster
Sunnysideup123 · 02/03/2013 19:04

True I know he has cheated before I'm under no illusions but I do think he finds me attractive

OP posts:
fruitpastille · 02/03/2013 19:04

He is only after one thing. Do you want to risk your marriage and friendship over something so fleeting?!

HecateWhoopass · 02/03/2013 19:05

You will do whatever you choose to do.

don't pretend that you don't have control.

If it is your choice to do this, then at least have the courage to acknowledge it as such.

you are not being forced into anything, are you? No gun at your head?

He is an arse. Don't be one too.

CabbageLeaves · 02/03/2013 19:05

I think you should do it. It's possibly your life soul mate and you're meant to be together. No one will get hurt. You'll manage to keep it going without anyone finding out, being affected or hurt because the excitement, guilt and secrecy will be totally manageable for you.

Your kids will understand. Hers won't be devastated ..at all.
The sex will be phenomenal of course. I suspect he's targeted you because you're stunning and he can't resist you, not because he's a two timing shit who spotted a bored housewife

Go for it

What could you lose!

husband, kids, friends, family home, self respect

allaflutter · 02/03/2013 19:06

if you just enjoy the attention, then leave it at flirting if you must, but stop texting. Talk to your H about feeling invisible but in a constructive way (suggest new things). If your H is really cold, then get a divorce and then find a free man.

Mollydoggerson · 02/03/2013 19:06

He probably finds anyone with a pair of boobs attractive.

BeerTricksPotter · 02/03/2013 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ClaudiaWinklepants · 02/03/2013 19:07

Go to cupboard/pc - wherever you have all your family pictures & go through them - your memories with your husband & three children. Think about how you felt on your wedding day & the arrival of three children into your family. Relive the happy times, the funny times & the tough times you have made it through as a family - a team. Then ask yourself is it worth throwing that all away for a bit of fun? Life might get a little ploddy here & there but keep in sight what's kept you together so far.

Tempting, thrilling & flattering as it seems, it won't feel like that when the line has been crossed. Guilt will cloud your every move. Confused. A horrid way to exist.

C'mon, you are stronger than that anyway. I recommend a "thanks but no thanks". Good luck

PureQuintessence · 02/03/2013 19:07

By all means go ahead, if you want to embarrass your husband, and make enemies at school, and your ambition is to only have your kids 50% of the time, and with you and your husband living separate in two flats/houses each.

Can you afford running a household on your own? Or do you plan to get social housing and benefits to feed your kids after you have filled your fanny?

Original poster
Sunnysideup123 · 02/03/2013 19:07

Hmmmm bit harsh cabbage leaved

OP posts:
izzyizin · 02/03/2013 19:08

If you have any shred of decency, any sense of personal integrity, any moral values, you'll know what to do.

If not, you deserve everything that will come to you from using another woman's man to put a bit of zest into the boring, mundane, life you've chosen to create for yourself - albeit his dc and your unfortunate dc have done nothing to warrant the havoc you'll wreak on their lives.

If you're hell bent on getting your rocks off with an om for whatever reason, at least have the good grace not to shit on your own doorstep with a friend's dp.