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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Please help I think I may be going to have an affair ...

131 replies

Sunnysideup123 · 02/03/2013 18:56

I am quite prepared to get slated here and actually think I deserve to . I really need some advice . I have been having an on off flirtation with a dad at school run . I do find him attractive . However I am also friends with his fiancée sho they have three kids with .... I am mostly happily married with three kids , we have our ups and downs snd sometimes life is a bit boring , mundane , he works away a lot . This relationship with the dad has been getting more flirtatious , we texted last night and the texts got very flirty .... He suggested we meet basically to get up to no good next week
Please help I know I am bring wrong but I really do find him attractive and don't know what to do .....

OP posts:

Pancakeflipper · 02/03/2013 19:08

Sunny - honestly the shag will not do anything except rip your world apart.

How old are your children? Is it time to start building things into your life that doesn't revolve around the children? It's hard but start thinking and looking. You'll start to feel like a individual person - a funny, smart, worth listening to person. And build up confidence in yourself.

Keep away from this man. Perhaps he senses that you feel lonely and you are an opportunity for him?

TheUndesireable · 02/03/2013 19:08

Please think of your children. I know it's hard

CabbageLeaves · 02/03/2013 19:09

Harsh?

Have the affair then readjust your perception of harsh

allaflutter · 02/03/2013 19:09

he finds me attractive
if he has form, then it's you and many others! he finds it attractive that you respond, that's his main criteria! he also sounds much more practiced than you are, knows how to charm women, be careful and avoid him.

PureQuintessence · 02/03/2013 19:09

He must have thought he had it made when he realized he had caught the eye of a bored housewife with ego the size of a tank.

Badvoc · 02/03/2013 19:11

Do it.
Then prepare to tell your children why mum and dad Rent together anymore and why they are getting picked on at school by the children of the woman who has been betrayed.
Have fun.

Original poster

Sunnysideup123 · 02/03/2013 19:12

Ok now I texted him how do I tell him no thanks ... Just ignore him it text him back no or tell him to his face on Monday ?

OP posts:

BeerTricksPotter · 02/03/2013 19:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Badvoc · 02/03/2013 19:14

Delete his number.
Don't speak to him again.
And hope he deletes yours!

Original poster

Sunnysideup123 · 02/03/2013 19:14

Actually pure quintessence I don't have a big ego I'm actually the opposite

OP posts:

allaflutter · 02/03/2013 19:14

I'd just text 'no, seriously bad idea' - don't have a face to face as he may influence you.

HecateWhoopass · 02/03/2013 19:15

Just blank him. Continuing to text him is just continuing this flirtation, isn't it? You text him no, he replies, you get the boost that he's gagging for it...

If you don't want to shag your friend's partner behind your husband's back - then delete this man's number and refuse to continue flirting with him.

You have a choice here. Make it a wise one.

allaflutter · 02/03/2013 19:16

I think if she doesn' spell it out, he will pester and pester, best to say no very firmly by text so it sounds black and white, no eye contact and doubt showing.

Timetoask · 02/03/2013 19:18

So do you chat after the school run? Is he a stay at home dad?
You need to engage your brain, don't make a huge mistake. Stop all contact with this person.

sunshine401 · 02/03/2013 19:18

You have already betrayed your husband trust you do realize that don't you? What do you think your DH would say/do if he saw the messages between you both? What would you do if the situation was reversed and you found these kind of messages on your DH's phone?
Not nice is it really...

CabbageLeaves · 02/03/2013 19:20

Sunny Either you do as Quint says have a huge ego and thus think its your stunning looks he can't resist and 'you deserve this'....or you are (I suspect) a bit tired and feeling unappreciated and this feels like a huge boost

My original post was to make you see the reality of this. He doesn't care about you. He's just a master at flattering women into bed. You will get hurt. What's more it will devastate your life.

Original poster

Sunnysideup123 · 02/03/2013 19:21

Ok I've already kind of agreed to meet him snd now having second thoughts , I can't just text back no , I don't want to continue this text thing though . I know I've betrayed my dh snd I do feel bad we've been married fifteen years and this is the first time I have done anything like this .

OP posts:

AlanMoore · 02/03/2013 19:22

You sound like you've already decided to do it. And that poor you, you couldn't help it waah waah waah.

I understand the temptation and often think ops of threads like this get a hard time, but people are saying think of your kids, his kids, your partners, and you're all "omg but I have like texted him now I have to shag him now!"

Think about how you're going to feel when you get found out, your h & kids are crying and he goes 'she's a slag it meant nothing!'

Just don't!

HecateWhoopass · 02/03/2013 19:22

Agreed, sunshine. And what if this man's partner finds them? Imagine the hell at the school gate!

You are right, all. He will probably continue. Perhaps something like "You appear to have misunderstood the situation here. i am not interested in an affair. Do not contact me again."

Is that any good?

God, can you imagine if his fiancee gets hold of his phone? Poor woman.

Original poster

Sunnysideup123 · 02/03/2013 19:22

Cabbage leaves I'm just tired snd feeling unattractive and he makes me feel better . Now I just feel shit

OP posts:

PureQuintessence · 02/03/2013 19:22

You must have a big ego if you seriously think that he wants to shag you because you are so stunning and attractive, that you look so good that he wants to jeopardize his engagement and family life to get between your legs.
Either this, or he has spotted a desperate and bored woman who would shag anything just to boost her own self confidence. So which one is it?

AlanMoore · 02/03/2013 19:23

Who cares what you've kind of agreed, you presumably kind of agreed to be faithful when you got wed!???

HecateWhoopass · 02/03/2013 19:23

Why can't you? Is your phone keypad broken?

Of course you can.

There is no physical barrier preventing you sending a text message.

Don't pretend that you can't when what you mean is you won't

allaflutter · 02/03/2013 19:24

so what if you agreed to meet - you don't owe him and are entitled to change your mind (for everyone's good) - sounds like you wantto meet. Just text 'thought of it seriously, and I don't want to continue and cause havoc - bye'.

BettySuarez · 02/03/2013 19:24

You are asking the wrong question OP

I think instead you should rephrase it to 'please help, I think I am about to ruin the lives of 6 children'

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