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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please help I think I may be going to have an affair ...

131 replies

Sunnysideup123 · 02/03/2013 18:56

I am quite prepared to get slated here and actually think I deserve to . I really need some advice . I have been having an on off flirtation with a dad at school run . I do find him attractive . However I am also friends with his fiancée sho they have three kids with .... I am mostly happily married with three kids , we have our ups and downs snd sometimes life is a bit boring , mundane , he works away a lot . This relationship with the dad has been getting more flirtatious , we texted last night and the texts got very flirty .... He suggested we meet basically to get up to no good next week
Please help I know I am bring wrong but I really do find him attractive and don't know what to do .....

OP posts:
BIWI · 02/03/2013 19:25

Hmm. First post on MN, drama, attention-seeking ...

CardinalRichelieu · 02/03/2013 19:25

You can EASILY just text back now. It involves no extraordinary feat of manual dexterity and he's clearly a bell end anyway and you don't owe him anything.

CardinalRichelieu · 02/03/2013 19:25

Text back no I mean

PureQuintessence · 02/03/2013 19:25

Join a gym, and go to the hairdresser then, or have a spa day with a friend. Get a baby sitter and take your husband out, if you need a boost, dont go shag another school dad! This is seriously shitting on not just your door step, but on your childrens school gate!

Original poster
Sunnysideup123 · 02/03/2013 19:25

Ok well ill text him and say it went too far and pls can he delete the texts and that's it

OP posts:
izzyizin · 02/03/2013 19:26

Cabbage has been harsh? Shock For bursting the bubble you've dreamed about your 'true soul mate' who's no doubt already had his leg over with numerous other bored and gullible housewives?

O those secret longings, those meaningful looks at 8.30 am in the morning, those lingering regrets as you depart separately with your respective dc in tow at the end of the shool day... and all of the other shite you fantasise about.

Fgs, woman. Get a life - and get one that doesn't rely on om to provide the excitement you lack because you are essentially a dull and boring individual who can't be arsed to think of anyone except yourself outside of the box.

lottieandmia · 02/03/2013 19:27

You need to cut contact with him, but this is going to be difficult with you having children at the same school. If you start an affair with him the fall out will be MASSIVE.

I think some men are opportunists in places like this. A (married) man started moving in on me at my dd's ballet school - it started off friendly chats while we were waiting for the children to come out and after a while I realised he was trying to escalate it. Luckily my dd then decided to quit ballet.

But what I'm trying to say is that some people are predatory - and it's often the ones you'd least expect ime.

HecateWhoopass · 02/03/2013 19:27

Yeah, hopefully he won't threaten to show your husband the texts unless you meet him.

Perhaps not let him know that you are concerned about the texts being seen?

nipersvest · 02/03/2013 19:27

"Cabbage leaves I'm just tired snd feeling unattractive and he makes me feel better"

sunny, where is your dh? why don't you talk to your dh, let him know you are feeling low and let him be the one to make you feel better.

member · 02/03/2013 19:28

If you want your ego stroked by being fancied/shagged by different men, then I suggest you end your marriage first.

PureQuintessence · 02/03/2013 19:29

Just say "sorry you got the wrong impression, your interest in me is not reciprocated"

Not sure it is wise to ask him to delete texts, this may prompt him to save them. Be careful so he does not forward them to your dh.

BIWI · 02/03/2013 19:29

"Please help I know I am bring wrong but I really do find him attractive and don't know what to do ....."

Of course you know what to do.

And your thread title is a dead giveaway - "I think I'm going to have an affair" - you have already made your mind up

CardinalRichelieu · 02/03/2013 19:29

He will have deleted the texts already for sure in case his oh sees.

Original poster
Sunnysideup123 · 02/03/2013 19:30

Should I ask him to delete the texts ? He doesn't meet my dh very often snd he has a lot to lose if his fiancée finds out .

OP posts:
CabbageLeaves · 02/03/2013 19:30

OP If you do this I'd have no qualms in tearing you apart verbally. Since its motivated by lack of self worth I'll back Quints advice to get your self worth boosted in another way.

You need to see this for what it is. A quick shag for him and cheaper than a prostitute.

It's not because he loves you or can't resist you. Blunt but the truth.

Do something for you. I do sympathise with how you feel but honestly my blunt words are to help you avoid a worse situation

Pancakeflipper · 02/03/2013 19:31

He will have already deleted the texts so his partner doesn't see them. He's a pro at this.

HecateWhoopass · 02/03/2013 19:32

He's not going to show her. I didn't mean that he would actually do it. Just that he may choose to pretend to you that he will, in an attempt to manipulate you, particularly if you say anything that indicates concern.

Or he may shrug his shoulders and go after the next one on his list and never think of you again.

CabbageLeaves · 02/03/2013 19:33

If you think this thread is making you feel shit it's nothing to how you will feel when he dumps you or it all comes out

akaemmafrost · 02/03/2013 19:35

You just want to talk about him, that why you're here. You're being ridiculous. You know what you're going to do but are enjoying the drama here, The Big Dilemma! " oooooh ladies help me, what shall i dooooooooooo?!"

Whatevs.

HecateWhoopass · 02/03/2013 19:36

Yes. Cabbage is right. close your eyes and picture the school gate. Everyone staring at you. Whispering. your kids being bullied. Other mums glaring at you. His fiancee? - broken? angry? yelling or crying? your kids asking you why people are calling you whatever or why X won't let their kids play...

Is it really worth it for a quick shag? Really?

Teahouse · 02/03/2013 19:36

Why even contemplate ruining the lives of 6 kids and 2 innocent parties.

CardinalRichelieu · 02/03/2013 19:36

I can guarantee he will not make a fuss or blackmail you. Why would he show your h? He's not looking for a punch in the face, is he?

Original poster
Sunnysideup123 · 02/03/2013 19:36

Thank you to everyone even people who have been harsh I feel stronger now and can see I'm bring a total idiot . Feel like in a bit of a mess now I'm going to ignore him rather than text him

OP posts:
PureQuintessence · 02/03/2013 19:38

Tough love. You wanted some sense shaken into you, did you not?

Glad to be of service. Wink

CardinalRichelieu · 02/03/2013 19:39

No, I think you need to text him. Say it's best that the two of you don't have any more contact. Then he can be in no doubt. Otherwise he will keep flirting and you may give in.