Please help I think I may be going to have an affair ...

[Sunnysideup123]

I am quite prepared to get slated here and actually think I deserve to . I really need some advice . I have been having an on off flirtation with a dad at school run . I do find him attractive . However I am also friends with his fiancée sho they have three kids with .... I am mostly happily married with three kids , we have our ups and downs snd sometimes life is a bit boring , mundane , he works away a lot . This relationship with the dad has been getting more flirtatious , we texted last night and the texts got very flirty .... He suggested we meet basically to get up to no good next week
Please help I know I am bring wrong but I really do find him attractive and don't know what to do .....

Yes OP I agree the comments on here are very harsh and yes also I think you dont deserve all the abuse.

It seems from what you have said that there is a gap in your life and maybe you are feeling a bit neglected and need to find out why you have felt vulnerable to this attention and responded to it. Then maybe you can work out what you need to do to put it right with your husband (without telling him a thing about this!!!!) and make your marriage better.

I would just completely cut contact with this man, he will probably lose interest very quickly when he finds its not reciprocated and move on to the next person.

Dont be too hard on yourself and just put it down to experience.

"You haven't actually done anything apart from exchange text and chat to this idiot."

Well, I disagree. She has tried to get into bed with a man who is engaged to marry somebody she calls "a friend". I think that is a pretty big thing.

But I think telling her dh will achieve nothing good. OP has stopped herself and come to her senses, and the best thing to do is work on your own self esteem, and ensure you have a happy and fulfilling life. Maybe take up a hobby? Find an interest?

Well stop it then.

'I think I may be going down with flu' makes sense.
'I think it may rain' makes sense.
'I think I may be going to make a conscious decision to do something that I know is wrong and will cause chaos in the lives of people I love' doesn't make sense.

Do it and take the consequences or step away and don't do it but don't try and make it out to be something that just happened.

Oh good, you've decided. Hope you stick to it.

And FWIW I would tell your h that you have been getting too close to someone and that you want to work on your marriage. Could be a useful wake-up call to both of you.

I wouldn't just ignore him. I'd finish it. Ignoring him is part of the game (that you're both playing) and just leaves it open for him to ^persuade you*, which you want him to because it's flattering.

There's absolutely no reason you can't text him and say "This is over. Don't contact me again" and you have to know that you mean it. Plus that creates a mantra that you repeat to him, and yourself.

He'll move straight in to the next one, you know. By June you'll be hearing whispers about his activities and you'll thank your lucky stars its not you.

Finish it

Been thinking about this and I think you should bring this up with your husband. He will be very hurt and angry, but he will know that you are not a liar, that you are not going out of your way to deceive him and that he can still trust you. It will also make it very hard for you to go back on your word wrt other man.

One of the hardest things for a betrayed spouse is wondering how far it would have gone if they hadn't been found out. Discovering infidelity for yourself, having been lied to and deceived, is far worse imo than having a spouse tell you they have been tempted, called a halt to it and respect you enough to be upfront and want to fix the marriage.