To get annoyed at having to prompt dh for some money?

[WomanCalledAlice]

I work FT and get paid monthly, dh gets paid weekly. My wage pays the bills/clothes the kids need etc. On a Friday when dh is paid he transfers money straight into my account for groceries. Today he transferred £100 so I went to Tesco and spent £70 on food for the week and put the other £30 in the meter for electric.

Now it's my friends birthday today and I'd like to buy her something nice and also my other friend had a baby on Monday so would have liked to buy her a little gift.

Every week it's more or less the same, he transfers money over but I just never have enough. When I ask him for more money he usually says "did you spent the whole £100"? But he always transfers more over its just the fact he questions me and I don't think I should have to ask.

I'm not out buying luxuries for myself (I wish) I'd just like a little bit of cash in my purse. AIBU?

I almost feel guilty for asking him

Hi there
We have moved this thread to our relationships topic

Alice you need to deal with your shock and trauma before you start tackling paperwork/phonecalls stuff. Can you take today just to rest. Can you sleep? If you can't, it may be worth seeing your GP for a few sleeping pills. Sleep, quiet, food, water, kind rl support... this is what you need right now. The rest can be dealt with in time x

Alice, I'm so sorry this has happened. Take one day at a time, one minute at a time. Don't rush yourself; you've been assaulted by the person whom you could reasonably expect to love and cherish you, which is a major shock, and you need a bit of time to assimilate it. The betrayal you are experiencing is immense. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. Try not to beat yourself up, you've had enough of that from him.

For now, you are likely to be all over the place emotionally. Allow yourself to scream, cry, weep, laugh, enjoy moments with your children and with yourself. Go with the flow in other words.

You have done so well, and been so strong. You have set a fantastic example to your children, that abuse is never acceptable. They have a great role model in you. Hang onto that. What you have done is such a brilliant act and required a massive change in your thinking. Congratulations. Allow yourself to bask a bit in your own glory.

How are you feeling today, OP?
Have you managed to have something to eat?

Alice I have just read the entire thread
You are so brave!
You are bound to feel a bit crazy at the moment so just take each little thing as it comes. Let your parents look after you and try to eat little and often!

This is a horrible situation but he is out of your life now and you have done everything right!
Big (((Hugs))) to you and well done, you are so strong!

Truly well done Alice, you've been so brave and you've done the right thing.

Thank you.

I feel a bit numb but better than I felt yesterday. just been trying to relax at my parents and catch up on some sleep. Think I may go home tomorrow. I'm not sure, the kids want to go home and it'll be a bit of normality for them.

Glad things are stabilising for you Alice. You are incredible. Your kids are so lucky to have you. Take care.

He won't be there, will he?

Bask in that parental care while you can, Alice! Milk it!

God no, he's not there. The police left a message on my voicemail earlier telling me he's handed his keys into the station. Probably trying to look like the good guy. Then I have paranoid thoughts thinking he could have got another set cut.

If it makes you feel better, Alice just get some new barrels and change the locks anyway. Anything to make you feel safer.

Didn't you lose your keys? If so, you can get the locks changed with impunity. But you'll have to lose spare sets including the handed in set.

Or keep bolts drawn on front door, and change the lock on the back door if you have one, and use that all the time.

Keep your mobile on you at all times for the moment. I have a pouch thing which hangs round my neck for my specs and phone otherwise I lose them.

Keep strong, Alice. Try to spend as long as you can at your parents in order to regain normality. The children will manage for a few days more if you need a bit more time.

I told my parents I'm thinking of going home tomorrow and my dad is going to lend me the money to have the locks changed. I'll feel so much better doing that.

best of luck you over the next fews days x you are incredubky brave x

One of the areas I work in has a police referred service run by an actual police officer who changes locks and does security checks on houses where a crime has been committed against a vulnerable person

www.wiltshirebobbyvan.org.uk/

www.avonandsomerset.police.uk/community_safety/bobby_van.aspx

www.bedfordshire.police.uk/tackling_crime/protecting_you/safer_homes/the_bobby_van_scheme.aspx

www.dyfed-powys.police.uk/en/what-we-do/bobby-van-scheme

These are the areas I know have them because I use them all the time

But they do operate in shit loads of areas a bit more info here.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bobby_Van_Trust

They are fantastic and give high priority to people who have experienced DV

Hope all is going well Alice

Just popping in to say Hi.

Me too. How are you Alice?

Hi, thank you for asking. Thank you for the info sockreturningpixie unfortunately nothing in my area from them but what a great idea!

I'm back home, locks have been changed. Kids are much happier now too. There is actually a sense of calm in the house. I didn't quite realise how much tension he brought here. I'm just trying to get on with things now and keep positive. Being off work is stressing me out a bit as no one really covers for me. I hate to think how many emails I have! Dreading going back .

Calm sounds lovely Alice

Work will sort itself out.

You've had huge adjustments to make in only a few days....I think you're doing great tbh.

Brilliant news your kids are happier.

Mind yourself

Glad things are working out for you. :)

That sounds really positive Alice- I'm pleased things are coming together for you.

Thank you :)

I did see him in the street today. I was crossing at traffic lights and he was sitting in the car stopped at the lights. I'm pretty sure he revved the engine ( louder than usual) as I crossed. How pathetic. Not going to let him get to me though.

Hey Alice, that sounds really positive.

You are remarkable. So much has happened and yet you carry on carrying on. Your kids are lucky to have you Alice, you're fantastic.

I know that you still have a lot to deal with but you have done the hardest part which is confronting the awful reality of your relationship.

Keep us updated x

Excellent. As always, Alice takes action! Now you're safe and secure.

Revving his engine because he actually does need that penis extension the car represents.

You really are remarkable, and he is a twunt.

Wow, just read this thread from start to finish. You are amazing and your children are blessed to have such a strong mother. as their role model.

I am sure you are in for a rocky road ahead but at least you can do so knowing. that you've kicked this arse out.