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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

To get annoyed at having to prompt dh for some money?

537 replies

WomanCalledAlice · 01/03/2013 15:57

I work FT and get paid monthly, dh gets paid weekly. My wage pays the bills/clothes the kids need etc. On a Friday when dh is paid he transfers money straight into my account for groceries. Today he transferred £100 so I went to Tesco and spent £70 on food for the week and put the other £30 in the meter for electric.

Now it's my friends birthday today and I'd like to buy her something nice and also my other friend had a baby on Monday so would have liked to buy her a little gift.

Every week it's more or less the same, he transfers money over but I just never have enough. When I ask him for more money he usually says "did you spent the whole £100"? But he always transfers more over its just the fact he questions me and I don't think I should have to ask.

I'm not out buying luxuries for myself (I wish) I'd just like a little bit of cash in my purse. AIBU?

I almost feel guilty for asking him Confused

OP posts:
FelicityWasCold · 03/03/2013 21:01

Oh shit Alice I'm so sorry. But you are going to your parents and there is a real live witness to what a bastard he is- keep clinging on to those things, this is going to have a happy ending for you.

Imaginethat · 03/03/2013 21:22

Alice this is beyond awful. I, too, am shocked by how rapidly things have descended in such a short period of time.

I know you speak the truth about him being maniupulative etc but I suspect that any contact, certainly any confrontation, is going to end badly and possibly with you being hurt. I am so glad you are going to take leave from work and have a few days with your parents, you really need to be able to rest knowing he isn't going to barge in.

When you've had some rest and, hopefully, tlc, you can start talking to solicitors etc. I am unclear about processes but as you can see upthread there are relationship section posters who know absolutely everything.

Stay safe Alice, that is the most important thing right now. I think that in time the police and lawyer involvement will drive home to him that he has to back off but right now he is a very real danger to you & your dc. So sorry Alice. xx

gordyslovesheep · 03/03/2013 21:26

Alice I am just catching up - stay strong , you deserve so much more than him x

Darkesteyes · 03/03/2013 21:41

Just catching up too. Im so sorry Alice. What a complete and total bastard. You have a witness and a proper response from the police so now it will be easier to get him out of your life. Stay strong. You are so brave. And he WILL have to pay for his children as he will find out.

CheddarGorgeous · 03/03/2013 21:46

Fucking hell Alice what an arsehole.

Look after yourself, keep yourself safe. You owe him nothing.

Original poster
WomanCalledAlice · 03/03/2013 22:00

So glad to be out of the house. Feel much safer here, I should have came here yesterday but I didn't want him staying at the house. Need to figure out what to tell the children too.

I feel relieved, I've been unhappy with him for so long. His parting shot was to tell me he's been cheating for the past 7 months and then grabbed my laptop off the kitchen worktop and dropped it. He's a bit unhinged, hope he is worried sick about what he's done.

Thanks for all the support x

OP posts:
RoomForASmallOne · 03/03/2013 22:03

Ahh fuck Alice Sad

This is horrible for you.

I'm glad you are at your parents and back with your DCs.

I hope your parents are minding you Smile

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/03/2013 22:23

Bloody hell, he really is trying to cover all the 'I am a bastard' bases, isn't he? Interesting that he says he's been cheating for months. Does that mean when he 'pulled' last night he was cheating on the person he is cheating with? What a twunt of the highest order.

You really have done so much in so little time...

FelicityWasCold · 03/03/2013 22:26

Glad you're safe. Sleep well. X

IneedAsockamnesty · 03/03/2013 22:33

Did you tell the police everything and about the laptop because that's a criminal damage as well

DIddled · 03/03/2013 22:49

Stay strong Alice- it's only going to get better from here xxxxx Not even going to refer to that other person as they don't matter- only you and your kids x

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 03/03/2013 23:02

What sock said - please reprot criminal damage to your laptop.

Original poster
WomanCalledAlice · 03/03/2013 23:14

I told them about the laptop, well the saw it lying on the floor anyway.

OP posts:
5madthings · 03/03/2013 23:17

God he has really shown his true colours hasn't he!

Do good your neigh our witnessed his actions. Obviously horrid it happened but a witness is good.

You ate doing brilliantly op and are going to be so much better off without him xxxkeep strong xx

Filofax · 03/03/2013 23:28

Delurking to wish you well Alice. Heartbreaking to read, but the fact you say you feel relief in all of this speak volumes.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 03/03/2013 23:29

Good, glad the police know everything.

ZebraOwl · 03/03/2013 23:39

Very glad to hear you are safely at your parents' house with your children & hope that you're able to relax fully now you're there.

Obviously it is awful he assaulted you again, but if it had to happen it's good it happened in front of a witness & that he didn't manage to do anything worse than what he did - which was obviously awful, don't get me wrong, am just thinking he could have absolutely battered you & am glad you were spared that.

He really is showing himself up to be all sorts of awful, isn't he? Including astonishingly cretinously stupid!

Take care Thanks

Yfronts · 03/03/2013 23:59

Stay strong for you and your kids. You are doing everything right. Take time to rest at your parents.

Dubjackeen · 04/03/2013 00:28

So glad you are now somewhere that you feel safe. Please rest and take any tlc that comes your way. I have no advice to add,except take one day at a time. You are a really strong person,and you deserve a good life. Take good care of yourself and your children. Brew

IneedAsockamnesty · 04/03/2013 00:40

Have the police said what they are going to do? And if they are going to deal with the assaults from yesterday as well?

Any protection orders mentioned?

If they are looking for him to arrest and what bail conditions they will give?

You can ask to include on them that he cannot even contact you directly regarding anything to do with contact and he has to do it via a solicitor. If bailed he will automatically have included not to bother you but often they try and get away with saying "I didnt breach my bail I was trying to arrange contact with dc's" asking them to include that he not do this other than via a solicitor preempt s that risk.

Are they going to get someone from the nearest DV unit to contact you? And did they give you the list of help line and support phone numbers?

Emus · 04/03/2013 08:15

Can you get the locks changed in the mean time Alice? X

Neeko · 04/03/2013 08:23

I have been lurking and wanted to add my support. what he has done is serious enough, but glad you've gotten out before it became sinister. Be proud for how strong you are being and take care.

mistlethrush · 04/03/2013 10:28

Gosh things have moved on since I posted on Friday - you're doing really well, keep going and don't be afraid to ask for or accept help where its available.

CremeEggThief · 04/03/2013 10:58

Hope you can rest up a bit at your parents over the next few days. Xxx

GingerBlondecat · 04/03/2013 11:02

(((((((((((((((((Huge Warm Soft HUGS))))))))))))))))))) Sweetie

(((((((((((((Holds You)))))))))))))))))).

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