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Relationships

Why are so many men so selfish and entitled in bed?

193 replies

Frizzbonce · 28/02/2013 12:28

I don't mean rape or assault or any kind of sex where abuse is involved.

What I mean is the kind of really rubbish sex where you lie there afterwards feeling twitchy and resentful I've been thinking back over all the bad sex I've had. Sadly a lot of it was because I didn't think I was entitled to expect good sex and even when I did start understanding what I wanted and tried to gently encourage, I still encountered men who would

Go straight from a brief tongue jab to nipple twiddle followed by a quick check down there to see if I was 'ready'.
Twiddle my nips in bored fashion as though trying to locate Latvian Radio
Fiddle with my ladyparts in manner of Doing Me a Favour or trying to remove a stain from blazer

The absolute worst sex ever was when I was briefly dating a doctor. I should have guessed at his manners when he wandered out of the restaurant and peed up against the side of the wall while howling like a wolf. I was only twenty - that's my excuse. He also possessed an extensive collection of 'video nasties' and in his bedroom was a very well thumbed copy of the Marquis de Sade's Forth Days of Sodom. There was no foreplay and he kept his socks on. It really hurt me because I wasn't ready at all and I asked him to stop. He said: 'Are you a virgin - is that why you're so dry?' Something snapped and I got out of bed got dressed and went home.

Now I've been with DP for several years and I could tell he was going to be fabulous from the moment we kissed and he was and he still is. It's because my pleasure is his pleasure too. It's really not that difficult. Like women and take some time to turn them on. Why, with all the information out there are some men still so entitled and selfish in bed?

OP posts:
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TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 03/03/2013 10:04

Sorry, goodnight, didn't mean to be flip wrt your situation.

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goodnightlove · 03/03/2013 10:11

it's ok doc, i don't even really know what my situation is! Grin

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mercury7 · 03/03/2013 10:46

a mans honest point of view would be handy but we can never really know what it feels like for the other sex.
Maybe if i was a men i'd end up racing towards my own orgasm, forgetting, in the heat of the moment, about her pleasure?

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TheUndesireable · 03/03/2013 11:14

It definitely feels much better for them mercury, sex was designed for men if you look at it in a physical way. Women's genitals are terribly designed for most in the piv does as much as tickling a guys balls.

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mercury7 · 03/03/2013 11:21

hmm, I think it's easier for men to get what they want from piv sex..I suppose for women the clitoris really out to be inside the vagina?

But women have a greater capacity for sexual pleasure, surely?

as for what sex was designed for..well that presupposes the intervention of a 'designer' and thats a whole other debate.

more like sex has been hijacked by men for their own ends and women ought to stop putting up with less than fulfilling sex..easier said than done given the weight of cultural conditioning etc etc

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mirai · 03/03/2013 11:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

badinage · 03/03/2013 12:00

I'm finding it hard to fathom why the women who've posted on this thread about their unsatisfying sex lives, ended up committing to these blokes in the first place? Why did you place good sex so low down in the pecking order, if it was that important to you?

Agree with whoever said that it's as though the sexual revolution never happened for some women, but I'm genuinely interested in how come this has happened.

When I first had sex 35+ years ago it would have been unthinkable for women of my generation to settle for bad sex because we'd been socialised that great sex was our birthright. Admittedly there was still a hang-up from the fifties that women didn't have to orgasm to make sex good but most intelligent women of my acquaintance realised that was a crock of shit Wink. Also in those days men didn't learn about sex from internet porn and I think that must be partly responsible for some men being shit lovers nowadays.

But I still can't help thinking 'just why?' when I read threads on here from women who think that it's worth being in a relationship with such crap sex, or why they committed to these blokes when they knew the deal. I just don't understand it. Confused

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Wishihadabs · 03/03/2013 12:00

Mirai I think there is a range TBH. I know what your friend means Grin

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mercury7 · 03/03/2013 12:06

Badinage, I think you are oversimplifying, and also implying that women in relationships where the sex isnt satisfying for them are lacking in intelligence.

Relationships are very complex, people are not machines who can just follow the course of action computed to have the highest probability of furthering their long term best interests

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Fallenangle · 03/03/2013 12:06

Reading this thread I am surprised how many posters seem to be having sex done to them - He just thrusts away on top of me til he comes, sort of thing.
What about woman on top?
There is more control over speed, depth etc
The wham bam expectations in his psychology are short circuited
You can use your own fingers or a bullet on your clit more easily
He can see you and judge your reactions
He can get at the Radio Latvia buttons
You can even tie him down and tease him
In my, not recent,experience most men last much longer on their back. In my recent experience my DP can lie there indefinitely he loves to watch me work.
Often he will go on top when it is time for him to finish.

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badinage · 03/03/2013 12:17

I don't think I am over-simplifying at all.

I'm genuinely interested in why some women compromise on something that's so important to them and what sort of thinking allows that trade-off.

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Wishihadabs · 03/03/2013 12:30

People are different, I quite like having sex done to me. :)

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TheUndesireable · 03/03/2013 12:50

I can't even be bothered to use my hands anymore, partly due to resentment and due to time restraints

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Wishihadabs · 03/03/2013 12:52

Hands on yourself or him ? Weird visions of hand free sex now

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ChestyLeRoux · 03/03/2013 13:46

Who are these men who rac through without the woman orgasming first? Maybe in a one night stand but in a marriage? Shock

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Fallenangle · 03/03/2013 14:28

wishi you aren't the one concerned about not having orgasms though. If the OP wants just to lie there and have the most marvellous sex delivered to her, then I have misunderstood her post.

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TheUndesireable · 03/03/2013 14:54

Grin wish

On myself. If I wanted to bring myself to orgasm, I would masturbate. I don't mind doing it from time to time, but not everytime. It would be nice for my p to do it

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TheUndesireable · 03/03/2013 14:55

I reckons dp thinks we should both just look after ourselves, but isn't sex about giving, receiving, sharing, sensuality etc

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Wishihadabs · 03/03/2013 14:56

True which is why I said we are all different. I do quite like going on top occasionally , but the best sex for me happens when DH is on top.We do enjoy simsimultaneous orgasm 9/10 times tho.

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Wishihadabs · 03/03/2013 14:59

That does seem selfish undesirable. I think a ban on PIV for a bit might be a good idea.

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Wishihadabs · 03/03/2013 15:00

Force him to use his hands ! (or mouth or whatever)

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ChestyLeRoux · 03/03/2013 15:02

Undesirable -that is not normal and I would be seriously questioning your relationship. Have you got children together?

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TheUndesireable · 03/03/2013 15:03

Yes, I definitely will. I have a 9 week old ds so we haven't been having been up to much recently as both knackered. This means its even lazier on the occasions we have!
Was really upset when the first time after ds was born that nothing had changed and my pleasure wasn't considered but what did I expect?
P is a guy who doesn't need much sex, maybe once a week tops so when it happens, it's like he's mad for it and gets straight down to penetration.

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TheUndesireable · 03/03/2013 15:03

Sorry x post

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TheUndesireable · 03/03/2013 15:04

I have been wish as I said I can't see myself having this sex life forever but need to weigh up everything else I guess

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