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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating Thread 43

999 replies

WarmFuzzyFun · 23/02/2013 17:27

Here it is...

OP posts:
ike1 · 27/02/2013 10:22

Have to say Lubes you have made me smile....those cats are hilarious!!!

lubeybooby · 27/02/2013 10:24

ike :o

OhWesternWind · 27/02/2013 10:24

Oh it's all to do with having cried on him, I never ever cry in front of anyone any more. Think it will make him run away from out of control hysterical woman. All to do with my ex who used to do exactly that, say that sort of thing to me. I know where these thoughts come from but they still come!

ike1 · 27/02/2013 10:27

Its true there do seem to be plenty of blokes that find it hard to deal with a crying female....my exH and TR for example...

lubeybooby · 27/02/2013 10:28

OWW he isn't your ex though, he's actually proper lovely. You've known him and been together quite a long time now and he's still lovely. He isn't going to do a runner :)

lubeybooby · 27/02/2013 10:30

Even my bestest most lovely ex didn't know what to do if I was upset... so I told him for gods sake just hug me... don't talk just hug, that sorted it. He was fine once he knew what I needed

ike1 · 27/02/2013 10:36

Someone has messaged me who has as their profession 'property'...what does that mean?

lubeybooby · 27/02/2013 10:46

I would have thought he means property developer but could be estate agent.. ha

Or it could just be withful thinking. Chatted to a few like that...

lubeybooby · 27/02/2013 10:46

wishful*

ike1 · 27/02/2013 10:49

Yeah....estate agent Ill bet!

OhWesternWind · 27/02/2013 10:49

Caretaker.

ike1 · 27/02/2013 11:13

Anyway he has annoyed me already by being jovial.....

OhWesternWind · 27/02/2013 11:21

I think it's the whole thing about admitting to being vulnerable and needing help. I have had to do everything for me and the dcs for so long without any help, including for years when we were with my ex because he was just useless, no interest in doing anything with the children, very reluctant to do any chores round the house, wouldn't do decorating, gardening except for mowing the lawn, so I have just had to be the person that copes and does everything.

I find it very hard to ask for help, with emotions or doing jobs, feels like I've failed.

I have also spent so long hiding my emotions - ex was foul when I was upset, my mum is no good at dealing with people who are upset either, she tends to get cross, the children hate to see me upset or crying as it worries them, I have to be the strong one for them all the time. So I am really used to hiding things away and it feels really scary that I have let all this stuff out to LM. I kept apologising and he kept saying no need to, but I worry about this scaring him off.

I know I whittle a lot on here, but honestly no-one in real life would think I am like that. I am very calm and competent, don't get stressed at work or anything, always have a laugh and don't take things too seriously, strict but fair with the children, never daunted by anything. But inside it's a different story.

Anyway, I've texted him to say I'm feeling down and would like to see him, so just waiting now to see what he says. Can't phone as I'm at work.

I'm thinking of taking the next couple of days off as I really don't feel up to being at work and can't really concentrate properly.

mercury7 · 27/02/2013 11:26

nothing worse than jovial when you're not in the mood for it

pretty sure I read a scientific study about how some, umm chemicals/hormones in womens tears have some effect or other on men which makes them want to...oh what was it...well I guess it was some sort of 'get the hell out of dodge' trigger :o

mercury7 · 27/02/2013 11:30

I find it quite hard dealing with people who are upset, especially if they are people Im close to, I find it alot with my daughter, if she's upset I'll talk to her and she'll go away feeling much better where as I feel exhausted and in need of 48 hours of no talking to anyone Confused

perhaps I am overly empathic, I feel her pain and it reminds me of all the times in my life that I've felt similar pain

Original poster
WarmFuzzyFun · 27/02/2013 11:34

OWW that is why MrR&R is a great guy, he isn't saying you are a pain in the arse when you cry. He doesn't know you in this aspect so you need to tell him, gently, he is not your ex. He loves you (you lucky, lucky woman!) let him do what he can, but he needs to learn what loving you means with regard to when you are feeling vulnerable. Don't let me have to go green it isn't a good look for me O Envy Smile

And Lubey, my god woman those cats are fantastic, I was crying with laughter. Thanks

Voice, I'd heard that was the case regarding the island (Richard Branson knows stuff). But I thought by now Shergar would be gluestick, probably

OP posts:
Original poster
WarmFuzzyFun · 27/02/2013 11:38

'If OD dating were a horse it would be a cow', Voice you have nailed it right there mate.

Am I allowed to go on the POF forum whilst on my OD self enforced 48 hours absence? I don't want to hoover and tidy up (I don't do dusting - it can fuck right off!)

OP posts:
EducationalAppStore · 27/02/2013 11:39

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EducationalAppStore · 27/02/2013 11:39

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Original poster
WarmFuzzyFun · 27/02/2013 11:44

What? Get Lost there's a dear.

WFF is nothing if not polite Smile

OP posts:
OhWesternWind · 27/02/2013 11:51

I'm not good with upset people either - talking about stuff when people are upset is fine but I feel at a total loss with crying people - I think it's because I like to be able to do something, to make things right, and often what people are crying about is something I can't change or fix for them. But I try and offer comfort, hugs, cup of tea, whatever. It is knackering though, you're right Merc.

Thank you WFF. I really hope all that is true Smile. He's not let me down before so he's not going to start now (I hope). The forum's just the thin end of the wedge - you're just addicted to PoF, admit it now . . .

mercury7 · 27/02/2013 12:01

I used to cry ALL THE TIME but once I got past 40 or so it was as if I'd used up all the tears, I might weep for 30 seconds if I'm very upset or in pain but I seem to snap out of it quite quickly

there may be further phases of lachrymosity to come, I may turn into a blubbing old lady Blush

Original poster
WarmFuzzyFun · 27/02/2013 12:02

'My name is WFF, and I am a POF addict...I like looking at dodgy men and reading badly written profile, I love looking at men on motorbikes, and men holding big fish.'

Smile
OP posts:
Original poster
WarmFuzzyFun · 27/02/2013 12:03

I am never more than two heartbeats away from tears....I well up very easily, but like OWW don't cry in front of people, another advantage of being on my own alot

OP posts:
JulietteMontague · 27/02/2013 12:05

Shergar is in the cupboard under my stairs. Along with Lord Lucan.

Lubey I think that's the first time I've ever laughed at a cat video It's great to see you back to being you Grin

VM who I had a date with last week messaged me, I assumed he wasn't interested but I think he lacks confidence. He is going on holiday for a couple of weeks, we'll see. Still in meh central here, it is so draining having to deal with moody DS sometimes, I'm going to the gym just to get away.