The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Boinging Into Spring, With A Dance And A Sing!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I'm one of the regular travellers on this Bus!

This is a Bus for drinkers, the completely sober, those fighting to stay sober and everyone in between! No matter what, you're welcome here if you feel you don't like the way you drink anymore, or you're worried for someone else.

Take a seat.

You'll be listened to, looked after and maybe (if you're lucky), slapped with our resident Squid, Barry whom I'm sure you'll meet in time!

So, what have you got to lose by posting? What have you got to lose by coming to say hello and telling us why you don't like the way you drink anymore?

And, if you'd like to see where we've been so far HERE IS THE LAST THREAD

And the reason we're ALL here in the first place, the first ever thread is ALL HERE

See you soon xx

Oh, god, ma. I'm so sorry to hear this.

Sending all best wishes to you and to him - I hope he's ok this morning.

Aw MA how shit for everyone. Thinking of you & hope that maybe this will push some change for your db or get him the help he so needs. Hugs honey (((((( xxxx ))))))

Thanks for your post Venus, this is exactly what my dh says about grounding that then she misses something important & it actually makes her think about her actions. We've agreed to disagree at the moment & discussed with dd what she will lose as a consequence in the future. The lateness has been an ongoing issue and she had 32 on her report even tho we lie fairly near the school. Had to remind dh that some of those lates were due to her avoiding a girl who continually threatened her so there was a reason.
I'm thinking I may be a little blinded by dd but her behaviour really doesn't bother me. I think cause I've worked in an adolescent inpatient unit & seem some really unhappy teens I'm of the opinion that "well, she's happy, she's normal!" dh see's...she's rude, late, doesn't seem to give a shit!
This parenting is not easy & it would be so much easier to pour that glass in the evening to help deal with all this.
Day 11, not drinking today
Wishing all brave babes huge good luck, strength, positive vibes for today. x

ma ((( ))) I am so sorry, for all of you.

Day 1 again here. Went out with friends last night, feeling shit today. And tired. I'm really tired of this. I've been on this bus on and off for 2.5 years and I am still not learning. I'm such a mess.

New Plan
No wine in the house
Driving when going out tmrw night
Cancelling all other social plans for the next few weeks
Changing gym membership to evening one and going there if I struggle
Going to bed early
Working
Reading in bed
Playing with DD all evening ( not like she sleeps!)

I really need to sort myself out.

Hi All,

I posted last month and managed to cut down a bit then it started to creep up again and last night I drank 14 units. Why? I was sitting at home watching TV and the booze was there so I finished it off .

I am going to the GP today to check I am ok to stop cold turkey as I have been having palpitations and a tight chest recently and don't want to risk my health. Have to take my kids with me. How shameful :(

Morning All!

Day 4. WW was calling and calling me last night and it was hard, but I didn't give in. I poured a Cherries & Berries with "busy" water. Hard, but worth it. Went to the osteopath who has freed up some very tense muscles in the top of my back, and kneaded (very hard) the part of the back where the nerve gets caught. So I went home, had dinner, snuggled with DD on the sofa watching Doc Martin (DD 5 loves Doc Martin), put her to bed then did a big pile of ironing.

This morning, I feel like I've been pulled through a hedge backwards. By my feet. Bouncing on my back as we went.

mouse hope you slept well; ma oh no, your poor family; jack welcome; hope well done! clutter glad you got it sorted without too much fallout - shame about the intimidation of your DD though (by the girl, not you or your DH); msgee onwards and upwards {hug} purple are you ok? LRD tiger I'll be joining you in the sidecar tomorrow night - I shall be having a glass; venus you're right about alcohol "getting under your skin". People are very, very judgemental; alabaster you kick some butt and get people to help you, you NEED to rest.

Morning

Thank you for the warm welcome. ma I am very sorry to hear about your brother.

I am guessing from some of the reactions I slightly overshared compared to most newbies... I needed to get it out and somewhere that I could look at it for when I get tempted daily

Wishing you all the very best of luck.

jack I'm struggling to keep up with posts but there really is no over-sharing on here, its a safe place to be honest with yourself and to et support.

I'll read back over posts and be back x

Jack No, no you didn't. You really didn't. I think that "getting it out there" is such a big deal to us personally, that it feels like a bit of a slap in the face when it's not acknowledged on this thread.

Please don't leave the thread - you've taken the really, really big step by putting it out there and saying that you have a problem.

We're all here with you. Have a HUGE {HUG} and keep posting x

jack your post was lovely and honest and v much resonated with me. You're doing so well. Honestly, 5 weeks is incredible.

What lemony said is v true (( ))

Keep posting, often I just post for myself. So: today I will not be drinking. Today my hangover will not affect DD.

No Jack, not oversharing at all.
Welcome! well done for not drinking for so long.

Hi determinedma... don't know what to say, sorry there was no one to talk to to last night. I am sending huge hugs to you and your mum. Don't forget to take care of yourself.

Clutter, sounds like you are sorting things out at home. I think maybe one day you will have grounding in reserve like Venus, if you use it sparingly. though if you never have to, even better.
When we were little we always used to dig our parents in the ribs when the bit of Paul Ephesians was read at mass that starts off with a long conservative lecture about wives and children obeying but ends with: "Fathers, do not drive your children to resentment" - and it was only partly a joke. If Paul was specifying fathers nearly 2000 years ago, I think it must be a dad thing.

Also:
nice to see you again MsGee
Lemony, well done on the busy water
good luck with the dr, angryfeet
good luck babyjane
nice to see you lrd, you were up very early for one in the sidecar. Hope all is well with you
hello hello one and all

Waves at curry thank you, hope your day is going well

isinde I do love a spreadsheet... Font? Colour of font?

I should be doing a spreadsheet but DD wants a lazy day at home (busy half term!) so she is watching film whilst I read and potter about the house. I've also eaten rather a lot of cake.

Good line from the film we are watching: "the real world hurts doesn't it". (Watching Bolt! The super dog!)

Must remember that - whenever I succeed at getting sober I find this a bit of a shocker. I will succeed at getting sober this time. Alcohol has no place in my life. I don't want it anymore. It takes too much and really gives nothing.

Ahem. Actually, jack and me have been sober for nearly 8 weeks not five and therefore deserve a new clean pair of SMUG pants . Each, obviously.

ma Please, please let your brother get finally get it that he has to stop. Hoping that something gets through to him and he starts to sort himself out. How are you today, lovely?

Lots of best wishes and waving at everyone else x

Right, today is a great day to be day one (or 2 or 3 etc), to say FUCK YOU, godfather stylee to the WW rather than start the weekend with a raging hangover and a massive guilt trip.That glass of sour white sooooo isn't worth it.

On way to shop I passed local stationery shop and it immediately made me think of MsGee and Isinde, didn't get the chance, but just had quick read through of thread and see that they have been discussing similar:):)

Guggs you are so right, it isn't worth it. Was so so tempted today to buy a bottle of wine, went into Tesco Metro after my alcohol counselling session and the wine in there was in the fridge and looked so lovely and cold! Was going in for bottle of coke and managed to look away and get the coke. It is so the thought of tomorrow morning and feeling guilty that stopped me
Waves to all babes, good luck tonight x

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Ma - sweetheart, I'm so, so, sorry to read about your brother and your poor mum. And of course know that this is hitting you bad also, but that you can't step away because you care too much about your mum and don't want to see your brother die.

You are stuck between a rock and a hard place really. Could you have him sectioned? I think (I'm not saying I know any of this as fact) that he can sign his care over to you, you'd be his legal guardian if you like, or similar, and then you could have him section under the mental health act HAVE A LOOK HERE IF YOU GET CHANCE esp sections 2 & 3. You can't keep doing this sweetheart, your mum can't either.

He needs real help, professional help and if he won't seek it himself or stay within a programme, maybe it's time to think of another way to help him? To help you all? I'm so sorry xxxxxx

Clutter - I hadn't realised that the lateness with DD was not the first time! 32 is a lot and if it's not the fault of a third party, school bus, you getting stuck in traffic etc, and just down to her then by Jeff she needs to buck her ideas up.

That said, if she's avoiding someone, then the school need to know, in confidence! But they need to know all the same.

YOU WILL have legal/action taken against you if it continues. We had a terrible, stomach wrenching time with DD's Bus being late therefore making her late. We were threatened with court, the police and parenting classes FFS! I went 75 different shades of bat shit on the school and said that if the Bus company THEY USED operated more efficiently, then she'd be there on time, every single day.

They soon STFU! However, if this is all down to DD dawdling, plodding to school, taking her time to not get there, on other occasions when this girl is not around, then you need to know why. Sorry xxxx

Well done on buying the wine!! xxxx

MsGee - well done on the plan!! The gym at night sounds like a great idea. As does getting rid of booze in the house, it's just too easy when you're stocked up isn't it?

Hey Angry - well done on coming back :) x

Jack - not at all, getting it all out in the open is the hardest part, reading it back again once you've hit post is the next. Stay with us, we can help you and you can talk as much or as little as you like :) xx

Gugg - here, have some new, shiny, twinkly SMUG pants. You can't wear them, you have to frame them. You get a new pair for each week that you do! Go you for 8 weeks sober, that's great news xx

Nemo's glue ear is horrid and so bad again, he's in so much pain. He's also refusing to go to school next week, already, and says he's not going and wants to stay at home with me. He knows I am going to leave him again. He may be Autistic but he's not stupid! It's so fucking hard! I am so upset by it all. DH is no help, just tells me he has to learn.......

It's true, he does but at what cost? I know I need to get a grip but he's not like 'other children', he's Nemo

On a happy note, I did manage to get to the gym and got a great deal, they worked out what equipment I could and couldn't use, bearing in mind that I am working my way towards living in a wheelchair at some point, we're going to work on my upper body and core as much as possible.

I also get to use the pool and steam room, jacuzzi, and sauna so I am not complaining. I got a month free too!!

Might be back later, sorry for epic post. xxxx

Aw Mouse, poor Nemo with his ear hope things clear up & get better for him soon. Could It be with school that he is testing you as he knows you are always there for him 24/7 & he is finding it hard to accept that in school this is something he does have to do.
Could you make a picture book with his teacher, times & things to go through with him? I know in my work this is something we do with children on the spectrum and it helps their minds to work out what the routine is and who will be there etc.
My little boy started nursery middle o January & every day he says are you staying Mummy, I have to be firm that no I'm not & I'm not sure if I should but I tell him I will bring him a treat if he gives me a kiss goodbye, may be setting myself up for 18 months of providing a treat here!
Dh completely thinks dd is just dawdling & not caring but I think there is a bit of both. Have spoke to school about the situation & it seems to ok for the moment (til the next drama!)
XxX

Thanks all. I knew you would understand. Venus your sympathy for how he feels made me cry. I know you all get it and don't see him as a useless pisshead. I am so torn between being furious with him and heartbroken for him. I hate him for doing this to mum but last night I was crouched on the floor holding his head still why the paramedics were trying to restrain him and he kept saying " what's happening to me, I'm frightened, who are all these people?" and tears were running out of the side of his eyes and on to ,my hands and I was saying " its OK, we can beat this, we can bear this"
But I don't think we can...

Hi to all - a long term lurker here. Although you don't know me, I have read the threads since JWN's first post and have taken such support from you all. I have followed your ups and downs and feel that I know you well. After a few false starts, which wouldn't have happened without this bus, I have been alcohol free for 14 months and i swear it's checking in with this bus each night that has kept me going. Sorry for the me me post. I am in a panic and wondered if anyone had any experience of LFTs - I know there has been recent mention of this recently, so I am hoping so. I have elevated LFT and have to go for further tests and an ultrasound - after 14 months? I wasn't expecting this - Gamma GT and alkaline phospholase both around 200. I have been taking at least 8 paracetamol a day for last fortnight due to a bugger of a cold. Was thinking it could be to do with that - but a bit coincidental that someone who knocked back 90 units a week for the best part of 10 years could have a liver problem not related to alcohol abuse. Part of me is glad I know but i think i would rather bury my head. Anyway, am sorry about the self absorbed post and love to you all - ma my thoughts are with you and your family. It must be awful for you all, but your mum must really appreciate all that you are doing to support her and i hope you take some comfort from the fact that she must feel so supported and proud of you x

Oh Ma, my heart is breaking for the pain that is clearly racking through his soul, deep, deep within him. He must be so broken and so resigned to his fate.... I'm at a loss as to how you can say those words knowing in your heart that you can't help him heal himself, he has to do it, but you say them because you care so much.

You are his only hope, and that is soul destroying. You are his saviour. It's awful. It's so sad Ma, he must hate himself so deeply. He must really not no any other way of living anymore. I'm sorry Ma, I hope what I'm saying makes sense and why I'm saying it, it's just thoughts in my head, I can never, ever imagine the pain you all feel just now.

Much love to you all, hang in there Ma xxxxxxx

Clutter - Maybe so re the treat, sometimes you just have to do what you have to, to get through the day and trust me when I say that I know that more than anyone,

Maybe he is testing me, it's always me though you know? It's always me. School, admin, hospitals, nurses, GPs, SALT, Physio, OT, Hearing, working with him, teaching him his words, working, working all the time to help him achieve speech, help him learn everything he needs to know.

I love the idea of the book, I may do that on a chart, weekly for at home and a little book for at school or a smaller chart. I need to speak to his 1-1 and ask her why she's not been telling me about him crying as much as he has. I get that she doesn't want to upset me, me feel bad for leaving him etc.... but I need to know what I'm dealing with all of the time. He's not like any other child, and everyone within his life daily or otherwise needs to be honest with me when he's out of my care so I know what I'm getting when I take over again!

Thank you Clutter, thank you for caring because right now, I'm kinda feeling low about all of this........ xxxx

Hi,

clutter I had to walk round the shop this evening turning my face away from the wine- not easy is it?

mouse massive hugs and respect to you. Very pleased that you are going to get a little bit of you time at the gym. Take it easy though. I thought that the book sounds like a really good idea. Can you do a version of ODAAT with nemo, you know acknowledge his feelings but keep staying 'that isn't happening today,let's find something fun to do now..' I dunno. Wish the weather was better so that little ones could be out a bit longer. Hope you are ok. xx

1 step Glad to hear from you 14 months WOW! I don't know enough about LFT, though I had one years ago, to reply to your post BUT 14 months will have given your liver a break and a chance to heal. I don't know how much you were drinking but well done! This bus is my life saver too. Please do stick around and keep posting.

ma I think everyone just wants the best for your brother. It sounds awful for him.