The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Boinging Into Spring, With A Dance And A Sing!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I'm one of the regular travellers on this Bus!

This is a Bus for drinkers, the completely sober, those fighting to stay sober and everyone in between! No matter what, you're welcome here if you feel you don't like the way you drink anymore, or you're worried for someone else.

Take a seat.

You'll be listened to, looked after and maybe (if you're lucky), slapped with our resident Squid, Barry whom I'm sure you'll meet in time!

So, what have you got to lose by posting? What have you got to lose by coming to say hello and telling us why you don't like the way you drink anymore?

And, if you'd like to see where we've been so far HERE IS THE LAST THREAD

And the reason we're ALL here in the first place, the first ever thread is ALL HERE

See you soon xx

Lemony - Either way, the prognosis is that there is no miracle to take the pain away. - go to your GP and get a referral for an MRI scan. I've had three now and they all show in much more detail exactly what's going on. I can soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo empathise with the back pain, it is the absolute bloody pits.

Bloods came back as 'normal' for my hormone levels but as my GP pointed out, they don't actually change until you've gone through the change YSWIM?

He said that all my other symptoms could be morphine related, I said that was all well and good but given how long I've been on morphine, it was highly unlikely and that everything pointed to me being peri-mausual (sp?) so yes, I'm at the start of the menopause aren't I?

He said that I was 'good at this' and was right so we're going to re-test my hormone levels every 6 months to see where we're up to.

Well done for getting back on the Bus! xx

Purps - so, whatcha gonna do later then? What will your treat be for not murdering, I mean for putting up with your MIL for the day? You know that the WW will be dying to get her claws into you for keeping your mouth shut don't you? I hope you'll come here and post if you need to lovely, don't pick up that bottle until you've been here first and had a chat? xx

Jango - you seem really up and down bless you. I hope that you find some comfort from the Bus. Keep going!! xx

Well, GP took me off the tablets that were making DH want to divorce me so we're back to square one pain wise for now. He's given me strong, slow release Brufen for through the night so I'm hoping that they'll help.

JWN - how are you? How was your weekend? Get out much? It's gorgeous here so we're off to the park next.

Thurso - thinking of you lovely, hoping you're okay? xx

Silver - you too, no 'Boo' from you on a new thread always feels wrong xx

IsinDe - how's stuff? xx

Right, park, ducks and shop for all of the food items we forgot this morning.

Be back later Babes xx

Hello Babes, glad to hear you're feeling better purple

greyhound! How are you? We missed you!

I got my bottle of wine for tonight, doing well on the controlled drinking. Until... had a Fuck-It moment at work (actually it was a Fuck-You to a colleague - not out loud though!) and decided a bottle wouldn't be enough. Especially if I have to share it with DH. So I went and bought loads of chocolate plus a mini-bottle and hidden it.

I don't know why I'm writing this. I can't figure out why if somebody makes me feel angry or upset, the reaction is to do something to feel even worse. It almost feels like it's my fault, and I'm punishing myself. Or saying 'you're so crap anyway, might as well give in to your addictions'.

evening - had a lovely weekend thanks mouse got some gardening done - i find i just love getting some fresh air, it lifts my spirits no end, which is just as well, i have been given a huge bill for work on my car its a fantastic car but bloody hell, it comes at a price.

joey - you know the HALT thing? i would say right now that you are angry? seriously, you so want to not drink, why let some bastard arsehole at work get you to point where you cave? in the scheme of things that person means absolutely nothing to you, they are just some random you have to share some time and space with - dont let them get to you!!, push all thoughts of that person aside, they are nothing to you!!

Hi babes, just typed a big giant message and my 2 yr old dd grabbed it and I lost it all Aaaaaarrrgh. The gist of it is that I'm going to see a hypnotherapist tomorrow. I have thought long and hard about why I drink so much and I have a very strong connection between wine and reward. When I don't have it I feel like someone has taken something very close away from me. All around us and in every tv show, wine solves every problem, eases our stresses and rewards us for making it through the minefield that is motherhood. So I'm hoping this nice lady can help me reprogramme by brain, learn to associate other things as that "REWARD" maybe even hypnotise me into thinking wine tastes like red hot chillies!!!! Mind you would even that be enough to stop me?? The ridiculous amount of time I spend thinking about wine, the good and the bad elements is too consuming, I really need to make some changes to embrace new "rewards" lately I've been in the sidecar's sidecar IYSWIM but to tonight I will not drink!!!!! X x

Hi again - the nickname full is very good! I hadnt thought of that but its apt! If I ever get to 1 month with no alco can I rename to hope?? I had 1 bot wine a day plus 1.5 fri and sat (fall asleep on couch after that) for last xxx num years. I started young and cant really remember pre drinking. Both kids at uni now and on my own so noone to bother anymore. Something strange made me think differently last monday and for some reason I dont feel like drinking anymore. Still had bottles of wine on tues and sat but think I can do something about this now. Best and very sincere wishes to all of you!

Hi babes, hope everyones managed ok. My work was actually ok considering it's Monday and think that's cause I'm on day 7 of dry lent, the way I felt this morning makes me want to give up alcohol forever but we shall see. I've got a 40th Birthday at the weekend and that's going to be hard!

Sorry not to nc but reading and wishing everyone strength for tonight. Wellcome Full
xx

Joey - I can't figure out why if somebody makes me feel angry or upset, the reaction is to do something to feel even worse. It almost feels like it's my fault, and I'm punishing myself. Or saying 'you're so crap anyway, might as well give in to your addictions'.

If memory serves, you are on meds for anxiety aren't you? I can certainly relate to the punishing yourself part of your post. I used to feel like I'd failed. I still do to a lot of extent. With Nemo and DH, trying to be all things to all people.....

The fact that you have bought a 75cl bottle of wine and a small bottle as well, plus the chocolate and the fact that you've hidden the latter two so that you can have them all to yourself tells me that you feel loathed to not have your fill IYSWIM? Not in a nasty way, just that you know you need at least 3/4 glasses to get the feeling you want from drinking and it's a night that you're allowing that for yourself, and you don't want that to be taken from you.

Does any of that make sense? Am I way off and offending you? I'm so sorry if I am, that's not my intention, I'm just trying to understand why you feel the need to have your own top up stash IYSWIM?

hello everybody. am having a very pitiful moment - it is so ridiculous that you will all laugh or despise me, but basically, despite our best efforts, and, to be fair, the school's, we're not able to send dd to the lovely prep school she passed the entrance test for. they offered us a bursary but it wasn't enough and I asked if they could perhaps offer more, they did their best, kept in touch, the head teacher even phoned this morning to say they were really trying to find the extra but they can't. it's a stupid thing to be upset about and totally trivial, but she did so well to get such good results and she has her hearing problems and I'm just really hacked off. I won't drink.

JWN - glad to hear you got out, OUCH!! about the car bill though.

Full - you sound very positive which is another step in the right direction, seriously, you are ready to stop drinking like you used to (see what I did there) and make the changes needed to stop using the drink to feather your nest/occupy you/dull a pain you may have? What ever it is that makes you pick up is becoming much more hazy isn't it? x

Baby - GREAT IDEA! How fab. I know of a couple of friends who used hypnotherapy to give up smoking and an addiction is an addiction at the end of the day. They both still don't smoke after doing so for 15+ years! You sound very ready for this too, very positive.

The reward thing has always played a huge part in your drinking hasn't it? Maybe, just maybe, it's time for you to be shown, for you to see that you don't need a 'reward' for facing the daily battles that you do, you just need to accept that you do it right, you do a great job, and that should be enough IYSWIM? The reward thing has come in from somewhere, I have no ideas where, I'm hoping this lady will help you on that score xx

Nope no party for me but can see how that reads that way it's an old friend & I know the temptation will be very high but going to try to work out plan to keep me going.
Feeling sick about day not to be named yet & woke at 4 this morning & wanted to pull out completely....but that would be stupid...wouldn't it?
How's you lovely? Is your pain levels any better? How's Nemo? Hope everyone in your house ok? x

Emin that sucks. Is there anyway your dd can start on what bursary they can offer & keep trying to raise more funds as her schooling goes on...kinda pay as you go? I don't really understand the situation as in Scotland think our school systems are different but seems such a shame for her not to get in if this would be a great school for her.
Well done on not drinking as sounds like the situation could be a trigger x

Thank you clutter. Sadly not - we couldn't do it :( In a way it's ok, as there would have been lots of extras as well, but it does seem a sod when she strolled in, passed the test without coaching or anything and was up against some highly tutored little kids as well. However, it has proved she is clever and it has proved that I can not turn to the bottle the minute something goes wrong - my first reaction was fuck it, DRINK! But i didn't and i haven't and I won't.

clutter well done on day 7!

emin you must be so frustrated about the school especially when your daughter has tried so hard. Sorry, I have no advice but [hugs]

jwn mouse you're right, I was angry - just don't know how to deal with it? And I had forgotten to take Prozac for a couple of days, maybe that didn't help?

Aw thanks Alias, so get when you want to just tell someone to do one at work. I sometimes think we have our whole work/life balance all wrong & one day we'll get to wherever we're going next & the big man in the sky will say what a waste. You had this beautiful world & you all stayed working in jobs you hated spending 75% of your time being fed up of work. Or maybe that's just me
You managed though & if you've been missing tablets then your mood & reactions probably will be affected.
Hope you feel better soon (( ))

Eminem so sorry your dd can't take up the well deserved place. You must be so disappointed but it might not be as bad as all that. Firstly, you will have some extra money, maybe start putting some by for her further education. Uni and all the extras involved don't come cheap.

Or you could put it back so that she could have a really great gap year.

Regarding her education. You can pay private tutors to 'top up' on anything you think she might be missing out on, be it academic, musical or sport.

It does feel to me for first time (ie ive never really quit before) that the urge has gone. A book was mentioned I think on this site. Allan carr easyway to stop drinking. It made me think differently but maybe I was ready to anyway. Also im still worried its false dawn!!! Still if anyone else has read it im interested on opinion? I read it all in 1 sitting and struck home.

Thanks everybody - feeling really pissed off tonight but nothing we can do - just carry on and make sure she doesn't 'lose' her brains, so to speak! I'm impressed with the hypontherapist idea baby do let us know how it goes. clutter 7 days is a great milesstone - a week! mouse I hope things aren;t too bad tonight. full I read the Allan carr book too - I get his thinking but find him a bit much to be honest! Just hold that feeling good not drinking feeling and remember how horrible hangovers are! Everyone else - I WILL catch up!!!

Em-I know what you mean -its a bit over top. I have to give up or (I think) or i will die!! It feels like its almost too late. So many things help-like this site and knowing loads of people are in same position. Im clutching at any straw I can. I keep thinking of 1 month ahead as a big landmark - since I had bottle on sat I need to count today as day 2. Otherwise it would have been day 6! Not sure if I can do saturdays ever though.

Clutter - do I have to get in my car and come over there? Seriously, you will whip yourself up into such a frenzy that you'll not get the bloody job at this rate!

Big. Deep. Breathes. You can do this, you can get through the shitty nights.

We're good, I'm off to bed now, not feeling great but then again withdrawal of the new drug is kicking in, sudden stops are not great. Thank you for asking. Nemo is at Manchester Children's Hospital tomorrow for a SALT appt. It's a long way for us to go but he needs all the support he can get

Night all xxxx

Joey - yes, missing your meds fucks you up, even a day's worth! xx

emin I'm so sorry. Don't know if you were on the thread when my dd had to give up her place at Gamta - Glasgow Academy of Musical Theatre and Arts. She had won one of only 30 places but we couldn't afford to keep her there until her funding came through. It was heartbreaking and I really feel for you. Just be proud of what she has achieved and hopefully she will get another chance in life. She sounds lovely so I,m sure all will be well

Ps im afraid im horrendously self obsessed at the minute. Bye and good luck.

full I have learned from the wise people on the Bus - dont think about next month - next week - just plan on IDAAT One Day At a Time.

Thanks joey. Day 3 coming up! I hope this feeling is real. I do see all the horrendous things people are dealing with and think I should get over myself!

Morning babes. Wishing everyone well with beating there demons today.
Mouse good luck for you all driving little nemo throught to Manchester, nope you definitely do not need to drive up to Scotland...I will get a grip (pronto)
Just off for a my elixer of life first thing and defintiely glad I don't have a foggy head, usedto always have a couple of glasses if I was off the next day but trying so hard to stop! xx

Hi everyone. Checking back in again. Sorry.

Best of luck to everyone today - hope nemo's appointment goes well, mouse.