The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Boinging Into Spring, With A Dance And A Sing!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I'm one of the regular travellers on this Bus!

This is a Bus for drinkers, the completely sober, those fighting to stay sober and everyone in between! No matter what, you're welcome here if you feel you don't like the way you drink anymore, or you're worried for someone else.

Take a seat.

You'll be listened to, looked after and maybe (if you're lucky), slapped with our resident Squid, Barry whom I'm sure you'll meet in time!

So, what have you got to lose by posting? What have you got to lose by coming to say hello and telling us why you don't like the way you drink anymore?

And, if you'd like to see where we've been so far HERE IS THE LAST THREAD

And the reason we're ALL here in the first place, the first ever thread is ALL HERE

See you soon xx

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Of course you do. It's hard when you just want to be held, just to be soothed for a while and let the day melt away. It's hard to keep going too..... day after day when all you want to do sometimes is scream!

I think you still have a long way to go before you're ready for a 'relationship' but maybe a friendship could be as good for you just now? I'm not suggesting that you seek someone out as such but if someone came along, maybe let them into your life as a friend (benefits optional ) and see how you feel.

I missed that security of knowing I wasn't alone in bed at night, on my own if something happened at times..... I missed feeling safe too. But that was more to do with my past than the present at the time. xxxxx

purple I think the lack of a strong father figure in life contributes to the yearning for someone to put their arms around you and make it better. That's why I was so happy to see my friend last week. He's in his late 60s so a sort of father figure and just to be bear hugged by him made it all seem better. I hope you are feeling a wee bit less blue.
To update on my saga, I received the most lovely email from Nicks mum.it made me cry. She said that dd is beautiful and talented and always part of their family and that she understood how hard things can be and she is always grateful when people are there for her Dcs.she sounds just lovely! I hope dd and Nick realise later in life that they are made for each other - like when Harry met Sally. Lol

Ma - that is lovely! What a fab email to get from her, I knew that she'd be like that. I too hope that in time, Harry will indeed meet Sally :) xx

I also can relate to the lack of a father figure feeling, the power of emotional security and stability that a real father can bring, or father figure, my step father was my rock, still is but he shares the role with DH now.

Hugs to those in need xxxxxxx

Off to bed, will do new thread first thing. Lots of love Brave babes. xxxx

Could really do with a 'rock'. Have had to be my own 'rock'. Could do with a holiday from relying solely on myself. Anchored in this world for my DC because I want to be there for them when they need me. Without them, I would be off.

purple I do know what you mean.
How old are the Dcs? Do you have any old friends or family members you can lean on? Can you talk to someone who isn't too close but who can support you?
I am permanently in the sidecar these days so shift your arse up and make a bit of space!

Oh purps that is sad, virtual handholding x

Ma DC are DS2 is 6, DS 1 is 9 and DD is 11. I don't have any family members to support me. Have a DB but, despite his denial, he has his own demons to cope with due to some of our shared past and our relationship is based (his choice) on a 'veneer' footing. Having found out so much about our Mother's death from the inquest notes (33 years on), I really wanted to talk things over with someone with a connection but he told me, point blank, that he didn't want to know. My Dad is about 82 and, despite years of me trying to maintain some contact, just won't respond. He's too scared of my step-mother. There is no one else.

Strangely enough, XP is someone I'm closest to but he's pretty flaky on support (the reason he's X!). Have a Italian photographer friend who would love to be FWB but I'm just not interested. He's the sort of person who, after a 30 min phone call, asks you in the last min about how you are?!

Thanks, though Ma,Isinde, Mouse and Green (holding your hand so tight may just cause pins and needles xx) Lovelies, for the support. I've never put this stuff down in type before. xxx

This sidecar is no fun. Someone has stopped the circulation in my hand and someone's fat arse is taking up all the space!
Don't tell me I'm going to have to start making an effort to get into the bus.........
How are you this morning purps
mouse how is the wee fish boy today.
Where the heck is thurso these days?
Waves to all other babes this freezing cold morning

Just re-reading last night's post and wanted to add to it.

Last summer I took DC back to the town where I was born, in Snowdonia, to show them the places I loved when I was younger. They have never met my Dad (not my choice) but they knew he still lived in the town we were visiting and asked why they couldn't meet Granddad. For them, I wrote to my Dad and step-mother . I was told years ago I was not allowed to write unless I included her, ffs! In a light, happy letter I told them we were visiting, the dates (and times!), and the address we would be staying at for a whole week and it would be nice to meet up, in town, for coffee and that his grandchildren wanted to meet him them. I included my phone number too. This cottage was literally (an over used word but, in this case, factual) a 2 minute walk from his house. First he wrote back and said he thought that was a good idea but he and SM had 2 medical appts. that week so weren't sure if they could make it. (Didn't actually specify dates or times of these appts). I wrote back saying we were there for the whole week and hadn't made any firm plans so could meet up whenever was convenient for them. Nothing. No reply.

Travelled the 5 hour drive to our holiday cottage. Had the best time ever! Seriously!! I decided to be a 'yes' Mum (I'm a bit strict normally) which resulted in us eating baked potatoes every single night (I'm smiling remembering it) with varying fillings and loads of salad. I loved the fact DC were so impressed with simple things like walking on mountain paths, clean streams, a totally un-commercialised beach, a totally commercialised beach (lol). DD reverted back to being an 11 year old rather than the pseudo 16 year old that she tries to be in daily life. The thing was, the whole week I was hoping that my Dad would come. Even if he made an excuse to the old witch SM to get a newspaper or something, I didn't care, I just wanted to see him, maybe for the last time and wanted my DC to meet him too. I'd set myself up for rejection, again, but this time it wasn't just me. And he let us all down.

We had such a fab time last year, and loved the cottage so much, that we've booked again this year. This time for 10 days rather than just a week. DC have stopped asking about Granddad so will leave the subject alone unless they mention in. What will I do if they want to try and meet up again? Don't know.

The really wonderful thing was that they met my DB and their cousins and everyone liked everyone, my brother was really impressed with my DC! and, on the journey home, paid a visit to my aunt (my Dad's sister) in the 'Gentle Folks' home. She's 95 and full of beans. She feels bad about how my father has been and knew about some of the discrimination when I lived with Dad, SM and half sister. She feels bad about it. She has suffered isolation from my father due to my SM's jealousy too. Also, she knew and loved my Mother. I've not met many people that knew my Mum and it was so lovely hearing her stories of when I was a toddler and tales of my Mum.

Good grief! Look how much I've written! Soz lol (as I like to say to wind DD up!) Happy Sunday everyone. If you can, hug your parents or, if you can't do that, at least phone them and say something nice. xxxxxxxx

(Normally re-read to correct typos but there's just tooo much. Soz lol! )

Or, sorry, if you can't hug or phone your Mum or Dad, think of a special time you had with them and feel the warmth. xxxxx

Going now, honest!!

Oh purple great post. I can relate to a lot of it with my dad, who knows my Dcs now because we live nearby and because him having dementia has actually made him an easier person to deal with in some ways and he forgets to be horrible! But he wouldn't know any of my sister's Dcs if they turned up at his house. I don't think he would know my sister or one of my brothers either . families do each other so much damage, don't they? You sound such a wonderful person and your Dcs are blessed to have such a great mum. It must be hard going it alone, but you are doing a good job. Here, have an Opal Fruit.

Can I have a green one please Ma? Thank you for your lovely words. It's so strange, but normal (??!!), actually writing this stuff down. My Dad has 9 Grandchildren. He's met my eldest son (31) once and DB's eldest once, by mistake (they live about 10 miles away!) but my half sister's DD is a constant in my Dad and and his wife's life.

How are things with you today Lovely. So glad you have a solid, supportive friend, to lean on. xx

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Snowdonia is glorious, I adore the place. It's not too far from me Purps..... you will have to say when you are on your hols :)

You father sounds exactly like my sperm donor. His new wife (who was 14 when they met, he was still married to my mother ) decided as soon as she got her claws into him (which did take a period of time) that his life was now hers, we were eventually cast out (only young at the time) but still 'included' at Christmas, and Birthdays......... for a while. She made sure that she drove a very firm wedge between us. I would baby sit my half siblings and often stayed with them for a few days, things we better the older I got because we had more things in common, being so close age wise... (she is 12 yrs older than me and was like a big sister at the time, I'd borrow her make-up etc) and she liked that because it hurt my mother. I didn't see it at the time

We now live a fair distance from them, she is friends with me on FB, as is her son, my half brother who I have always got along with :) , but he, my sperm donor would never call, make an effort to contact me, not when Nemo was born, in PICU all of those times, not when I got married (my step-father walked me down the aisle given he was the one who raised me) not when I had DD, not at any important event in my life, did he contact me, or return my many contacts to him.

Twat. I decided long ago that if he really loved me, cared and wanted anything to do with me, he'd get in touch. BUT I also realised that she holds his balls firmly in her hands. Spineless man that he is.

Anywho...................

Nemo is much better thank you, still coughing and we still have a tonne of snow, still, with more falling again. Off for lunch later with friends (hopefully) so I best get on and start the housework. DH spent all of yesterday removing doors and making a mess so I've had to wait. They are due to arrive at 12/12.30. Eeeeeeeeeeeeek!

I was wondering about Thurso too Ma. :) xx

Yup, spineless, a word a word his sister tried really hard to avoid about my Father but, in the end, succumbed to - and she's still on his 'side'. My step mother was furiously jealous of my father's feelings for my mother, even though they'd been divorced about 9 years and she had died before I had to move in with them. My paternal grandfather once told me that 'everyone' thought that my father would always love my mother. This jealousy was visited on my brother and then me.

We are coming your way in July. Hoorah! I'll give you a shout nearer the time. It would be fab to meet up - although how I'll explain our friendship to my DC is another questions! Lol!

So glad Nemo is better . Enjoy your day Sweetpea. xxx

s

Sorry, the green ones all seem to have disappeared. joey ate them.

Ma! You moo!!! xxxx

Purps - I'm sure you'd think of something!!

Ma - how are things with you today? Any better? Calmer? How's your DD? I think she's wonderful and a real credit to you, I'm glad you have each other. You and your DDs. DS will get there in his own way, bless him. I know he dotes on DH and that relationship is a tough one for you to ever break, I remember what you've said about it in the past.

Do what you have to, when the time comes. He'll be fine. You'll be fine. (Fucked Up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional) as my Abusive XP used to say, but you will be the right kind of fine, I just know it because you have to be. I'm waffling... sorry.

How is your brother and mum? xxxx

Right you naughty lot, I'm going to post the new thread and would love it if you'd stay here until this one is full? Please? Pretty please?

I know you'll all run over to bagsy a seat and that's cool, but if we fill this one up, we won't lose anyone along the way.

Thank you lovely Babes, I'm off out now to have lunch with very dear friends so will be back later on.

Take care out there, it's horrid here!

NEW THREAD

I'm at my lowest ebb. Don't know why now, why today. Found myself sitting on the loo, crying, I just want to go, to leave but I can't because of my children who I love more than anything. Sorry. Bit heavy.

horrid here too mouse
yes, things calmer at the moment now that the storm has passed!! But its not done and dusted, not by a long way. There are things that need to be addressed and if he thinks it can all be swept under the carpet as if it nevber happened he can think again!
DD is home. she had been planning to go off au pairing again but she went to see friends in musical theatre last night and came back with glowing. they want her to audition for a role in a show in the Fringe - no dancing, so the back should be ok, and now she's torn about what to do. She has to choose. Staying here means she can perform, but she needs to get a job and there is still the living at home thing. Going abroad is great fun and a new experience, but no show....what to choose. I told her to list all the "Prawns and Cones" as DD1 used to call them, then go with her gut
Singing is what makes her come alive she says. Think that's the choice made then....
throws sweet wrappers at purple and runs away

oh purple. I wish I could help you....you sound so depressed and weary. is there no-one at all who can come and help carry the load a little?
Would it be worth going to your GP - see if you can get some meds or counselling or help of anykind?