The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Boinging Into Spring, With A Dance And A Sing!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I'm one of the regular travellers on this Bus!

This is a Bus for drinkers, the completely sober, those fighting to stay sober and everyone in between! No matter what, you're welcome here if you feel you don't like the way you drink anymore, or you're worried for someone else.

Take a seat.

You'll be listened to, looked after and maybe (if you're lucky), slapped with our resident Squid, Barry whom I'm sure you'll meet in time!

So, what have you got to lose by posting? What have you got to lose by coming to say hello and telling us why you don't like the way you drink anymore?

And, if you'd like to see where we've been so far HERE IS THE LAST THREAD

And the reason we're ALL here in the first place, the first ever thread is ALL HERE

See you soon xx

laughing at whoever posted that their DH had told teen to "lose the attitude" - that's one of DH's favourite rants at DD2. It all gets very very tedious. i was guilty of using this phrase once with somewhat precocious DS who was about 9 at the time. he was messing about one morning and I asked "are you going to eat anything or not?" he replied "Actually, i kind of thought I might starve myself" and I gave him the "and lose the attitude comment".
There was a brief silence and then he condescendingly responded" actually mother, that wasn't attitude. That was sarcasm!"
I was but also

My 12 (nearly 13 0 year old ds was awarded a certificate at school yesterday for 'outstanding achievement but he was appalled when we were invited to go along and watch the ceremony. We weren't allowed to look at him,speak to him, acknowledge him or his friends, let anyone know in any way shape or form that he waa related to us and absolutley NOT talk to any teachers Unfortunate that I used to work at his school and know most of them who know the connection !!

Baby - I SO FEEL YOUR PAIN!!!! I had a colonoscopy (sp?) 4+ years ago, they gave me this vile 'lemon and lime' concoction to take to clear my bowels.

It was HORRIFIC! 36 toilet trips in 8 hours. I had a backside ressembling the Japanese flag by the time I'd finished Poor you xxxxx

JWN - sounds like your new venture could be great and loads of fun! You do sound much more like you and I love it. Welcome home xx

Re your DH - I think that my DH is like that with DD, he's scared for her, scared of her growing up, leaving the innocence and being much more at risk, the further from us she dares to tread. Some clothes have just arrived, she asked for them, I ordered and paid for them online and she paid me back...... he picked up a top and said 'what is that ?' I reminded him that back in the day, he modelled himself off Leo Sayer so should shut up! I think men do struggle to deal with hormonal teens, of both sexes too!

venus - that's awful. I never want DD or Nemo to have the kind of upbringing I did pre my step father (who is my absolute hero) so try very hard to allow DD her space but to keep an ear out and always leave the door open for her to come to me and, with most things, she does :)

Ma - That's something that I try not to say to DD. I try and bring it down, so if she's really on one, I'll say 'come on DD, please let's not be this? This is like me and Gma used to be and it's something I'll never forget.....' that sort of thing. I want us to have a friendship but with boundaries. You can't not have boundaries I don't think? You have to remain DM and DD/DS etc... at least in the teen years :)

Emin - smoking and drinking? Trying to quit both? Pick one and stick to that. Worry about the other, I'd say the smoking but I'm biased and all for kicking the booze into touch as an ex-smoker, once the not drinking to excess is under control? Big hugs xx

Purps - hugs to you xx

IsinDe - hugs to you too! Great to see a post from you xx

Off out to the dentist, check up time. Be Brave Babes xxx

mouse yes, wine in the fridge. I've removed it now lol! However DHs beer is in there too, he drinks probably 3 bottles a week (and only at a weekend) but frankly i'd probably be tempted by that if inclined.

at the japanese flag - poor babyjane I hope it's not that bad!!!

lemony day 3 for me too. Today I will not be drinking.

Tomorrow I will have a "pregnant" glass - half my ususal size, and make it last all night. I could do it for the sake of a baby so I can do it for the sake of my liver. After all, my 'babies' won't have me if I self destruct.

I am back at the GP on the 28th. I intend to frankly ask about what I need to do to get better from the GF, from the horses mouth, so to speak, and that will include alcohol. I need to hear her say it rather than internet anecdotes. If she says "I'm telling you to cut it out for X number of weeks" then I'm a fool to myself if I don't. Till then, I like a plan and structure, and my pregnant glass on a Friday feels safe enough.

I'm so grateful for this support

alabasterangel my friend's dd (age 20) was hospitalised last summer with jaundice as a complication of glandular fever. It's a long time since I've seen anyone so sick, for weeks. And then she was on a total alcohol ban for 6 months. Please, please take care of your liver, it's been taking care of you for years, now it deserves a little kindness in return

isindie did you see I wrote you a poem?

Well done to your ds emin.

Well yes there are a lot of mother issues on this thread. I am just a lightweight though because she was ok in the first place and now I am being unfair because she has given me a lot of help over the past few weeks and has just written me a lovely letter. time to move on. (kicks self up the arse)

Awww thank you everyone for kind comments re the job. Think it feels a bit surreal but I am so excited!

And yes, yes Alias that's exactly how I feel about this job that by changing my drinking habits it's given me the confidence to go for it and don't want these new work colleagues to know me as 'that one that can't handle her drink!' mouse thank you so much for kind words, hope you are all doing ok xx

It so helps to hear so many of you saying that your dh's were like this with dd's and they have both comethrough the other side with normal relationships. I used to argue with my (step) Dad and I hated how unreasonable and unfair he was and wanted different for my dd but maybe I have to accept that this is Dad's!

Thanks for advice Curry I did say to her last night that if she shows me she can do x, y and z then she can go to the party. I've spoke to dh and said I don't agree with grounding and we've agreed on consequences and losing something. I don't know why but I really disagree with grounding, just seems such a power trip to me.

Good luck for tomorrow BabyJ
Thinking of you all Purple, Lemony, JWN, Jango, Venus, Isinde, Emin

Wishing all braves babes much strength xx

Hello

Can I please have a seat on your bus?

Evening lovely babes

Just checking in- all fine here. This doesn't happen all that often but I've had a great day and I'm really grateful for that.

clutter Go you in that new job! A change of scene can make all the difference to stress. I think you need to go shopping... everyone needs new clothes for a new job right?

jack welcome to the bus. Take a seat and when you are ready tell us what is happening

Aw thank you Guggs, glad everything feeling ok today. definitely agree that some new clothes are in order!
Welcome Jack, grab a seat x

Thank you. I feel oddly nervous posting here. I am a MN regular, but I have name changed for this, as some people that know me IRL know my normal user name. I hope that's ok?

I am 32, no children (yet), married. I cannot drink 'normally'. I cannot drink in moderation. I've not had a drink since New Years Eve. Things haven't yet gone tits up, but they were getting there.

I was drinking when I was happy, to celebrate. Drank when stressed, to relax. Drank with friends, drank on my own. The amount I can tolerate has been steadily rising. A few times, I've gone out and drank so much more than intended that I've woken up still half drunk and unable to drive to work. You could see it in my skin and weight gain.

When I've gone out with friends - or stayed in with them - I drink far more than anyone else. I made a tit of myself at a work do, and a colleague came on to me. I pushed him off, but I think he may have had reason for thinking I was interested from my behaviour. I was hungover for 2 days after that. I have memory gaps from that night and other nights, and I didn't even realise that isn't normal.

There is a long history of alcohol abuse in my family, and I absolutely cannot be the same as some relatives that keep on and on drinking despite the fact that they know full well they are complete arseholes after a few.

I am finding giving up a struggle Every Single Day. After about 5 weeks of not drinking, DH told me he was impressed, because he was really starting to worry about the amount I was putting away and he was concerned I wouldn't be able to stop :(

Sorry, long post and all that. Thanks for reading, if you've managed to get this far.

Hi jack I'm new too. You're doing so well. Day 3 for me, and its tough. Were you drinking every day? I was, just about, so habits are so tough to break. Lots of lovely people here who will listen and support. Well done for doing so well.

venus yes, noted, thank you. I don't fancy that at all. I do seem to have it midly, and my alt level isn't sky high or anything, but of course I don't want anything to happen. Because my drinking doesn't impact anything personally - relationships, work, emotional stuff, I think it makes me pretty obsessive and anxious about the physical side of what its capable of doing instead. I can't tell you the amount of trawling I've done on it this last week, scrutinising ALT levels and worrying about this and that. The way I'm going at the moment I'm going to replace wine with an anxiety issue......

Also, I have to confess (and I hope this is normal) that tonight I am a miserable cranky old cow. Talk about touchy. Not helped by DH who seems to think that me 'resting' involves still catering for everyone, doing laundry, housework, etc while he sits on his arse watching programs about space..... I think I need to go to bed!

Day three almost over, danger zone passed. Phew.

jack bloody well done. Well done on not drinking this year, but a special well done for posting and being so honest about the struggle. People who don't have a problem with drink sometimes say - well just don't drink. They don't understand quite how it has become so ingrained, got under our skin, and become so much a part of us that it feels impossible at times to resist. I think that being honest, and having a safe place to say that is the most valuable thing.

alabaster hope you got to bed to rest properly. You may well be right about how little alcohol affects you - after all that is the job that our livers are trying to do: neutralise the toxins before they affect our delicate brains and bodies. But I also noticed that even though I thought I was on an even keel emotionally, I'm now so much more mellow. And even though I could still hold my own workwise, I can get so much more done now. And (for me) in retrospect I wasn't functioning quite as smoothly and seamlessly as I imagined I was.

clutter I agree with you - I'd never been one for grounding until dd was about 15, and she suddenly seemed quite impervious to anything else. I always thought something more immediate, and related to the 'crime' was better. But getting brought home by the police for bunking off school one afternoon resulted in her being grounded which had her weeping and sobbing about missing a concert. I know it hurt her, and it was shit at the time - she pleaded and pleaded and promised all kinds of hopeful (empty) promises. But it was literally the only way that I could demonstrate the extent of the consequence, and the fact that I was serious about her behaviour.

And then 6 months later, when she had a party while I was away - she was grounded for a month. She knew absoloutely that I meant it. I told her that I didn't know how else to show her how much that event had disrupted my life than to seriously disrupt hers. It was really grim, but it was also a time when we did some home based things that were about us interacting as a family (hence her and dp having table-tennis tournaments and her ongoing interest in indian head massage).

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Welcome to you lovely, strong and Brave Jack. Wow, well done on all that you've achieved, seriously in awe of you and your complete, raw, bare honesty. Welcome to the rest of your life xx

Gugg - nice to see you sweets xx

Clutter - I've spoke to dh and said I don't agree with grounding and we've agreed on consequences and losing something. I don't know why but I really disagree with grounding, just seems such a power trip to me. - agreed, so not her mobile, because she needs to be contactable, maybe internet time? Laptop, TV time, something that matters without her being out of touch as such (mobile phone comment)

I'm glad you had that conversation with DH xx

venus - They don't understand quite how it has become so ingrained, got under our skin, and become so much a part of us that it feels impossible at times to resist. I think that being honest, and having a safe place to say that is the most valuable thing.

It's a thing isn't is? Alcohol? It lives, breathes, takes, gives a little, a numbness, but mostly takes, it sucks the life out of you, it breeds the more you feed it, it amplifies your emotions, it heightens your senses, you feel invincible. It is cruel, twisted and mean and it laughs in your face. Hard.

I can so relate to your post xx

I'm orf to Bedfordshire as the boy was asleep by 8.40 pm tonight instead of 11pm last night.

No booze tonight but we're planning a 'date night' on Saturday so will share a bottle of something nice then.

Sleep well brave Babes, wherever you are, whatever your journeys, I hope you're all safe tonight xx

Hello babes.

I'm afraid I'm in the sidecar tonight, but I am posting so I keep this bumped and in my immediate line of vision.

jack - your post struck such a chord! I could have written that. Anyway, you are in the right place, these babes are amazing.

I passed offlicence again tonight. I was pleased as had bad work day but ds came for dinner and we had nice time and I left him back after. Had an awful week apart from not drinking at all. I think writing here helps me tl stick with it!
Nite nite all!

hi all x

Just back from hospital.mum phoned me at 7.30. She had just got home from a nice theatre trip to find ,y brother unconscious on the floor, head bleeding, wedged between the two beds. I called an ambulance, they were wonderful. Strapped him to a body board while he alternated between slurring stupid jokes and crying, saying he was frightened. He had drunk two bottles of wine, out of the bottle. They have patch dd him up and sent him home. I am sleeping at mums tonight - she didn't want him home but they wouldn't keep him. Anyone want him?

Shit. Guess you are all in bed.
Here's hoping for a peaceful night

Ma I'm here. How fucking awful for you, your Mum and your DB!! You still there? xxx

So sorry it's come to this Ma for all of you. I have no idea how you are feeling just now because I have never been in your position. I can't believe that there appears to be no care for your DB and he's just been sent back to his Mum!

Hoping you manage to get through tonight OK and that your DB finds some solid help in the days to come. Hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

ma how sad and difficult just wanted to know that you'd been listened to.

What a hard, hard thing for you and your Mum. And your poor brother too. What a terrible struggle he must be having. Promising you both (and himself) that he will try harder, and that this time will be different, and then giving in again, and again, and again.

Looking out across the water, and thinking of you ma