The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Boinging Into Spring, With A Dance And A Sing!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I'm one of the regular travellers on this Bus!

This is a Bus for drinkers, the completely sober, those fighting to stay sober and everyone in between! No matter what, you're welcome here if you feel you don't like the way you drink anymore, or you're worried for someone else.

Take a seat.

You'll be listened to, looked after and maybe (if you're lucky), slapped with our resident Squid, Barry whom I'm sure you'll meet in time!

So, what have you got to lose by posting? What have you got to lose by coming to say hello and telling us why you don't like the way you drink anymore?

And, if you'd like to see where we've been so far HERE IS THE LAST THREAD

And the reason we're ALL here in the first place, the first ever thread is ALL HERE

See you soon xx

isinde (and when they get to the teenage years they only want their friends, all parents are evil controlling FREAKS and they wouldn't be seen dead in our company!)

You are not a failure! You maybe have failed on one thing, today, that does not give you the right to label your whole self as 'failure'. Your whole person is more than just one event on one day. Think about all the areas where you succeed - they outnumber your mistakes right?

And this is a disease you are fighting. It takes a lot of strength and endless determination and there are setbacks. You isinde give kindness and understanding to so many other people, try and give it back to yourself! Go back and read your own posts to ma and see how you can be kind to YOU

ps. Waffling slightly, am drugged up on lemsips

Hey purple just a thought, if you wanted a bottle of wine, and the shop you went to was shut, would you give up and go home? never buy another bottle? No! You would drive to another shop,and another, please try again love, IMHO the woman made a poor show of an effort for you, and hopefully it won't happen again when you explain.

mouse big hugs for you and your fish x

ma hope you're ok today love, this really can't continue can it? :(

All other babes I'm trying to get ready for an interview as a dog walker back later :)

Hi lovely babes

purple I thought all meetings were friendly because the ones I go to are. Hmm...not nice what happened but I suspect that some aa old timers get a little rigid in their thinking.She really should have looked for you.

mouse really hope you get some help soon- that sounds wrong, doesn't it? I mean I hope the services can pull their fingers out and offer some real help soon. I'll stop now

lovely isinde , no failure on the bus for anyone. I can understand how tough the hotel and booze association is. I know I wouldn't be able to resist especially if team members are drinking too. Could you call a friend before picking up?

libertine The mind boggles at the kind of interview questions! Good luck.

Hi there joey and obrigada well done on the weight loss.

I'm feeling a little better, not so sad more like a teenage level sulk.

Very quiet on here this afternoon, how is everybody doing today?

Rubbish,. Phoned docs, they said leave now, we will see you first, make sure you get out in time to pick DS up, sat and sat and sat, had to leave to get DS. They said, oh we will book you in for a sit and wait at 4.30 then, can't bloody get there, not enough diesel. Gaviscon isn't working either :(

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

IsinDe - yep, my past is all at the front of my mind just now because of what Ma is going through, but that is my demon, not Ma's :)

I'm working hard to squash the fucker and I loved the post you did about getting angry etc instead of other things, brilliant. FWIW, I think that when you are in hotels, alone, without those you love, your default setting is to drink.

One day my lovely friend, you WILL break that cycle. And yes, your right about Nemo and his current behaviour, it is what it is and DH just has to accept that, no matter how much it crushes him.

That said, Nemo is letting his daddy do a lot more with every passing day, I've told DH to sit tight and remember that Nemo has a lot to deal with atm, new school stuff going on, appts, new teams to meet, everyone wanting him to 'grow up' or 'move forward' faster.... there is pressure from all angles at the moment, for me too I guess.

Anyway,take care of yourself sweetheart, you are worth more than the heartache you face when you're away from your DTs and DP.

Thank you all for the kind posts re help. School were in preschool today and they are putting together so much stuff ready for September but there will be lots of contact between us all between now and then, they have to appoint a new support worker but want her to shadow his current preschool support worker..... I'm going to be a busy bee and Nemo is going to have to get used to me not being there a lot faster as I have been told I am NOT going to be able to go into school with him......

They want him to change from 2 full days and a half day to 5 mornings a week, and for him to then do the same in September. He doesn't actually have to be in school legally until his 5th Birthday in May :)

So, phew but yay! All seems to be falling into place. :)

Sorry not to go any further back, I need to shout at TalkTalk as the t'internet keeps going off..... back in a bit I hope!

that all sounds really positive mouse after the initial settling in, he will probably find the routine of 5 mornings easier to deal with?

Got the dog walking job :) better than a bar job eh?

Well done Libs!! :) :) :)

And yes, I think so too, lots of changes coming into play now so that it's not a huge shock for him come September.

There is so much I didn't know! I am so pleased that they came today and we got to have a proper chat! So much to do though now :)

That's great, well done libertine all that fresh air and exercise will do wonders for you. What's happening with your dog purple ? I'd have her in a heartbeat but DH won't let me have another one :(

Hi babes, hope everyone is doing ok.
Not sure if not drinking had just affected what I've done.
I've spoke before about being unhappy with the way dh speaks to dd & felt it was maybe just the way men are in general whether biological dad or step-dad!
Dh gets on at my dd all the time & I just feel so sorry for her so tonight had had enough. I've took her to my parents as she was so unhappy. I think I need to split up with my dh.
My dm said to my dd you know he's hard on you because he loves you. My dd said I know he loves baby clutter & my mum but not me!
A 13 year old shouldn't feel that should she?
Not sure what I do now as not sure if I move out or try to keep family home.
Thinking I'm going to use ODAAT mantra just now, I know she's at parents where she feels loved, happy, safe & secure.
Will think again tomorrow
I think I have been unhappy for a long time in my relationship but have hidden & masked my feelings behind alcohol & now all the alcohol is away its glaringly obvious how unhappy ir been feeling.
Feel like a major failure, 2 kids, 2 dads, 2 failed relationships !
But feel is it better to stay in marriage & dd miserable? Or make the choice to end the marriage?
Hope all babes managing ok x

Oh lovely clutter I'm so sorry.

If it was an isolated incident, I'd be inclined to say....teenagers say that kind of stuff, for effect (I did) but it's not is it? and if you believe she feels that way, she probably does.

Yes to alcohol blurring the edges off the bad stuff (and the good unfortunately) but have a sleep, try and have a sleep, and think on it tomorrow. There is absolutely no shame in 2 kids 2 Dads etc, you do your best with the knowledge you have at the time, that's all any of us can do.

Sorry if the words fall flat, I'm here for you though x

No libs words definitely don't fall flat, thank you for your kind words.
It's not a one off incident, I left him when my ds was 4 months old because of this & he was all promises of how he was going to change but over the last few years he has got worse.
My dd said to me today that she doesn't want to come home from school because she knows he will just get on at her.
There are lots & lots of similar incidences. Looking back I can see over the years that he has not been great but since we bought our house, had our ds he has definitely got worse.
It feels like he takes all anger & frustration out on her.
I get what teenagers are like but honestly as teenagers go she is not bad. She's not very loud or assertive & doesn't ever argue back with him which makes me feel his behaviour is bordering on bullying.
I think I'll have a bath & try not to worry, I know she's happy at my parents.
It's the thought of how complicated things will be that's quite scary. Things like mortgage, childcare etc but ODAAT
Thank you libs xx

Clutter - I can't stay but you need to sit down and do a list. Something physical, black and white. Pros and cons. Stay or go.

So what if you have 2 DCs by 2 fathers? Big fucking deal! So have I. So have many other people on or reading this thread, walking past you, in your life.... BIG DEAL.

You are far from a failure. You are seeing things through sober eyes..... You are seeing things. You know deep in your heart that life has given you the strength to take the steps needed to make changes. Your DD needs to feel safe, loved and happy. Not wanting to come home from school must be so painful for you

Your DH needs to grow the fuck up and leave her alone! He is the adult here, she has hormones raging through her body at a million miles an hour. She is fragile and precious. She is not his emotional or mental punch bag because he's had a bad day or whatever.

Think long and hard sweetheart. PM me if you want.

I need to go. I'm around in the afternoon tomorrow, here if you need me. So sorry xxxxx

Mouse, don't be sorry & thank you for replying when you are exhausted & dealing with your own family.
Your words are so right she is precious & fragile.
I have had enough of seeing the way he treats her. In my heart I know it's wrong but at times I have said nothing because I feel as his dw I have to back him up, we have to act as a team but more and more I feel he is abusing that by emotionally abusing her.
I feel my dd has no choice, we're the adults this is her home but I have a choice. I want her to be happy in her home, not to feel pushed out.
Thank you for being there, I'm going to go to bed as shattered with it & altho she's only been away a few hours I miss her (pathetic really)
Night night babes x

indie loved your post. It struck home as you are so right. And it pinpointed my weakness. It is so much easier to give in, to roll over, to stop being angry. I had a friend once who seemed to be blissfully married and only much later when they had split up I discovered he had been violent and abusive. He had physically beaten this intelligent, strong, feisty woman for years. I asked her why it had taken so long to leave and she said "it was easier to stay". I understand this now. ( not that dh is physically violent. Never has been.). But as another wise friend says " so, that makes it OK does it?".
Sorry, am pretty pissed. Lost it in work today and swore at CEO. Probably in big trouble now

Oh ma and clutter it is no mean feat to walk away, wishing you both strength and courage x Massive fail for me yesterday at networking night, bad day and FI button firmly pressed. Sad but not wallowing, I'm actually getting bored of myself and my predictable behaviour, apologies if I am boring you all too! mouth is so bad will go to docs today and beg for referral.

mouse I'm glad things are slotting into place for nemo at school. How is his ear? My little one had glue ear, we had 18 months of hell before his grommits were fitted. Poor little sods ear ache is so horrible

Morning babes,
How is everyone today? you know I know so many people splitting up at the minute, it's weird how everyone's decided they've had enough at the same time, me and DP have been through a difficult time too.

clutter how are you feeling today? Ready to make changes?

ma Try not to worry until you find out how bad it is with CEO, are you on good terms generally? I know exactly what you mean when you say you're bored with your own predictability, I'm the same. Although I've stuck to one beer a night all week, so not giving myself too hard a time, it's when I try and have none I fall flat every time, so not sure what that's about really, I've always been a reward kind of person though, something just for me at night, when I've given myself totally to others all day. Was drugs once upon a time, long time ago now, but still the same mind set, exactly the same, NA used to say 'you can't drink if you want to stop using drugs' I did though, guess this is the pay off.

anyway, the sun is shining and I start my dog walking today at 1, looking forward to it, hope you all have a great day x

green how are you doing lovely?

Just checking in. Support and love to all

Determinedma, what happened at work? could be ok - could be he's the type to provoke it and he's heard it all before.

Clutter - sorry to hear about your uncertainty and sadness about your dd. I know you will look after her.

Lots to do today, wish me speed and clarity

And I wish you all every good thing you need
x

Hi, I'm new but not a new drinker obviously, years of bloody abusing my organs! I am going to an AA meeting this afternoon, weirdly with my friend who has a daughter in the same class as my son and has been sober for nearly 4 years. I posted another post on this site earlier. I am a binge drinker but now it is out of control and I want alcohol out of my life for good. I have "come out" as it is to my good friends in the few days and have just received so much love and support. My husband is standing by me all the way, I know I am very lucky. I don't want my children to grow up with a drunken mum, I love them so much, they need to have good role models in their lives. Please wish me luck, my meeting is at 1pm.

Day 13 for me today, haven't had a drink since 1st March:) Still have constant headache and am wondering if that is my liver detoxing? I remember years ago taking milk thistle and it gave me constant headaches (at the time I thought that was a good sign because someone told that meant it was working at detoxing my liver ... don't know if that's true).
Had sudden urge to cry last night over something trivial which for me is very strange as I honestly can't remember the last time I cried

dolly welcome, please come back and tell us how it went, purple tried to go the other night, and I'm seriously thinking about it. Well done for telling those closest to you how bad it's got, I told my DP a couple of weeks ago, and he's been great (generally!) it really will help, people will stop turning up with booze for a start, you've made massive progress already, be proud, and be brave! See you later on.

obrigada I've never done 13 days, so couldn't say about the headaches, someone wiser will know I'm sure, well done though! did you mean to stop dead at the start of the month? you're doing amazing :)

Hi Libertine, didn't make a conscious decision to stop, just got way too drunk on the night of 1st March, and wasted a weekend feeling shitty and drained. I am a binge drinker, don't drink at home, usually in a friend's house so in a way it's easier for me to not have that first drink at the minute. Congrats on your dog walking job:)
Dolly, welcome aboard and good luck with your AA meeting today.

Oh clutter, ma I have 2 children by 2 different dads. Now I'm a single parent. These things happen - doesn't mean you've failed. In our house, we're the Three Musketeers. I have sat DS and DD down and told them that we look out for each other. Our home is our sanctuary. It's the place where we try to keep things peaceful. My DS is 15 and has been a bag of raging hormones for years. It's worn me out. BUT it goes with the territory. I had to leave his Dad because his Dad just used to holler at him and not take good care of him (let him fall off the sofa onto his head one day).

I just could not stand by and see my lovely boy's spirit squashed and extinguished by a bully who couldn't deal with himself, let alone a young boy. I used to be on the receiving end of financial and emotional/verbal abuse too. In the end, I had to walk away for my sake and for my son's.....