The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Boinging Into Spring, With A Dance And A Sing!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I'm one of the regular travellers on this Bus!

This is a Bus for drinkers, the completely sober, those fighting to stay sober and everyone in between! No matter what, you're welcome here if you feel you don't like the way you drink anymore, or you're worried for someone else.

Take a seat.

You'll be listened to, looked after and maybe (if you're lucky), slapped with our resident Squid, Barry whom I'm sure you'll meet in time!

So, what have you got to lose by posting? What have you got to lose by coming to say hello and telling us why you don't like the way you drink anymore?

And, if you'd like to see where we've been so far HERE IS THE LAST THREAD

And the reason we're ALL here in the first place, the first ever thread is ALL HERE

See you soon xx

What happened - the friend, or the friend's mum, phoned social services about you? Why? you mean the friend left her kids over night and her mum's and her mum was pissed off so phoned social services... on you? (not getting it)

Anyway if you know this has happened I think you need to take some pre-emptive action. Get to SS before they get to you. Not sure, but I think that is right. Didn't want to leave your post unanswered. If you have never driven while drunk then can you prove this? (do you drive your kids to school or do you walk?)

keep talking, someone will know better than me.

Thank you for writing all that JNW The guilt I/we feel about our children in all this far outweighs the shame of any grown-up 'do' where you made a tit of yourself. I've twice fallen asleep in the early evening and woken a few hours later to find DD has sent the boys to bed. Said I was tired because I hadn't slept the night before which was true but that was because I had been drinking the day before. I don't want her to have that responsibility, it's not fair. You said it gets easier? I so want to believe that that is true for me, too.

Thanks Clutter and Curry Feeling much calmer today. Look better and feel better, too. Mahoosive salmon salad organised for tonight. Not really having any cravings at the moment. Home safe with no alcohol. I won't be drinking today.

Mouse Bit disappointed to find I can't get an appointment with my Dr. for a week - unless I go in as an emergency. I could see another Dr. but would have to go through the whole thing again and this particular Dr. has the right practical approach. Do you know what I mean? She's not soppy about it but nor is she judgemental. If she thinks I need a home truth - she gives it to me. I'm seeing the Alcohol Services nurse tomorrow so I have an 'island' to head for. Cry? Me? At the Dr's?? Much!! Been out in the sun today and didn't crawl back to bed to hide. Feeling brighter. Loved what you said about it not being fair. Understood and agreed with all that bit. It's not fair but it's a fact that I just have to get used to.

Thanks for your comments on CBT Joey. I'm going to do some reading in the meantime but feel I might well benefit from that approach. Will look up about the David Burns book. Have also sent for the Allen Carr book too.

Well, ExP has just 'phoned me, really cross. Seems DD hasn't got on the school bus and has gone to a friend's house in town (about 7 miles away). Something about not having her bus pass. Says this girl's step-Dad will drop her off when he gets back from work - which means they are at this house without an adult present. ExP doesn't know where the address is (not sure why he didn't ask when she phoned him?) and is steaming with her! Her phone is out of charge/out of credit/turned off? I'm on standby to go and get her. Don't know whether to be worried, scared or furious just now. She knows this is not on. At least I'm sober to drive if needs be. Actually, I'll settle for very worried.

Laters Lovelies. xx

Yes, I drive my kids to school, how can I prove I've never driven after drinking in my entire life? let alone with my kids in the car??

Her Mum had a meeting with SS this morning, she's trying to get custody of her kids. she rang me yesterday afternoon, and had a massive go at me about letting her come to mine, (she very rarely does, she goes all over) i told her it was none of my business, she said if I was any sort of friend i would send her home, I did, she went somewhere else.
Im at my wits end, do you think I should ring SS then? what the hell number do I ring? I don't believe this, I really don't :(

purple, I have a David Carr book. It's great, but it's for anxiety - but a cbt approach to anxiety. I think he is the original and best.

Libertine, this all sounds very messy, are you saying you are getting stuck in the middle as your friend's mum tries to get her kids?
I am not sure I should be advising actually, I'm a bit lost
Are you sure it is true that she was onto SS about you (as opposed to her daughter)?

she told my DP at pick up this afternoon, (the Mother) sorry if I'm not explaining myself very well, I'm devastated, it's a tiny village, and everyone was a bit off with me this morning :(

OK maybe you need to drop this friend. It doesn't sound like she is good for you.
I

Hello lovely babes.

lib, I agree with curry - this woman sounds as if she is really not your friend. If you steer clear of it all I'm sure everyone else will calm down soon enough. It sounds depressing, though.

Hope everyone is having a good afternoon.

Libs you don't have to prove anything. The mother is concerned for her daughter and is putting pressure on you to help control the daughter's behaviour. But, she is not your responsibility.

I would just stay out of it. If ss do get in touch with you, just say no, you have been misinformed. The onus would be on them to prove it but I doubt they will contact you.

Oh god, thanks faire but honestly, all the Mums at school have stopped talking to me, they are all talking about me though, I thought we were friends, I've messaged one, that did talk to me this morning, like I say, it's a tiny village, and god knows how, but they all know already, how the hell do I walk in that playground tomorrow?

Libertine, I think this is one of those things where you have to grit your teeth to get through the moment and look at the bigger picture. If you drop this person and don't let others associate you with her, then over time you can mend relationships. for now, well, you know you don't drink drive so just hold your head up high.

but what happened last night? The person came over, left her kids at her mothers, the pair of you drank a lot and then the person left - and didn't go home - and you don't know where she went, or why she didn't collect her kids? I am not surprised the mum is furious. Just leave this person alone, she is causing you all kinds of trouble. Would you have drunk so much last night without her?

Yes, curry that's exactly it, i also had the police round here, asking where she is,she still hasn't turned up, so despite everything,I'm worriedabout her. I know we can't be friends anymore,me and DP had decided that already,beforethis all kicked off. I need to stay home, and try and manage my own life better. And yes, you're right, I know I've neverdone that, so I guess I have truth on my side, even if no one else believes it.

Hugs Libs sounds like you've had an awful day of it. Try to hold your head up and know that it will all blow over, eventually. (())

I'm calming down now, finally. The last message ExP got from her was she was going round her friend's step-Dad's house! I have no idea who this man is, where he is or how to contact him. Eventually, after I'd rung a couple of her friends, I found her at another friend's house. I went to collect her, dropped her back at ExP's where she got a 'parent stereo' lecture. It was only when I got to the bit "He could have been anybody, where would we have started looking, told the police to look if you hadn't shown up" that I cracked, a few tears, and realised how worried I'd been. Her response? "He's not a peodo you know!". Bloody scary. Sigh.

Purple - yes, I know exactly what you mean, you need to feel that the person you unravel your torment to can a) handle it and b) offer you step by step ways to support and heal you. They need to be able to listen and hear you. Not just sit and nod.

I wish you were nearer to me, my GP has been amazing and totally got everything I have been through, the addictions, the self medication, the lot. I think you need to find a GP with a real empathy for those they care for.

Wait. If you can, and you feel safe in your own skin waiting, then wait. BUT, please explain to DD your plan. She needs to know that you are serious about this. Be honest with her. She will appreciate it, and your relationship will only strengthen if you tell her the truth.

Great about the Alcohol Nurse, again, another one to be honest with.... people can only help if you are honest with them.

DD could well be acting up because of recent events. I'm sorry to say that, it may have crossed your mind? Be worreid but be very clear to her that it's not on for her to just not come home without prior notice, a day at least, so that you know she's safe. Play the worried/safe/concerned card because I think that's what she needs just now, YOUR CONCERN.

She does it again? Bollocking time! I need to go..... be back in a while.

Keep going sweetheart, you'll get there. xx

Wow thanku all such wise words and great advice!! I don't know how I got through today I seriously felt like death first thing and had about two hours drunken slumber. I'm doing bedtime with my littlest now my fave part of the day I love having sleepy cuddles with my baby and also means very soon I can sleep too! Libertine I can imagine how u feel and I second what others have said you don't need a drinking buddy wen u are drying out and what her mother may mean and is probably right about is that you could be ova the limit in the morning stil. And that means any kind of accident your fault or not and u could be done for drink drive and ss wil then be involved if your dc are in the car. God horrible thought thats what I do occasionally:-( I used to be terrible tho I would drink a couple of bottles of wine a nite most nights some years ago so would be over the limit most mornings:-( it really is awful how drink can affect you and things it can make you do. But I cant trust myself these days either because although I do have nights wen I have a couple of glasses then call it a nite there are equal numbers of nights wen I don't stop and end up feeling wretched and I don't have any control over which way it goes0:) I wil reread all your wise words and hopefully make some changes!

Hi Marvellous Mouse. I have told DD that I would stop drinking and she's happy with that and hasn't mentioned it since. Although I have lots of internal struggles, on the outside I manage to cope with life. I function a bit below par, a bit less organised but everything gets done, everyone gets places on time, clean, tidy and homework/reading done. Apart from the two episodes of falling asleep, none of the DC has seen me falling down drunk, aggressive, manic or morose/weepy. I really believe her concern has come from MIL stirring asking questions, talking to ExP etc over the weekend. I could, of course be wrong.

I thought about the reasons for her behaviour today but, having spoken to her, I think the 'missing the bus' incident was just about wanting to round a friend's and thinking up what she thought was a good excuse rather than being deliberately naughty. I think she thought she'd get away with it. In the past, I've noticed her reaction to emotional upheaval (ExP and I splitting up, new school, bullying) has been very confrontational, screaming, crying etc. using me as her 'safe' outlet. DS1 starts to lose his temper with his clothes and shoes (?) and DS2 just cries a lot. And the first thing I said to her when I collected her was that I was glad she was safe and hug her. I think she thought she would get away with it as it's ExP's turn to have her and he is a lot softer and easier to get round. I wasn't even supposed to know. When I left, I made sure I kissed and hugged her and told her I loved her. Silly moo. I was glad that the way I dealt with it was coming from a very sober place.

Hope Nemo is good? How's the sleeping going?

In bed, in my PJs, eating grapes, no wine. xxxx

Same here Purple. Am in my pjs watching tv. No alcohol. No grapes either:)

Same here Purple. Am in my pjs watching tv. No alcohol. No grapes either:)

Sending some virtual grapes your way Obrigada. Hope they're not too squished when they get there!

Oh blimey, so sent a fb message to some of the Mums I thought I was close to at school, apparently, they have been 'concerned' at the amount of times I look hung over when I come to school, find this a bit hard to swallow, since concerned usually means people would help/say something if they could, turns out they just talked up a storm behind my back, was honest with them though, and said, yes I've been struggling with my drinking, but I'm gettting help, some were surprisingly supportive. I will have to front it out tomorrow, no one said they ever thought I was actually drinking while driving, which can only be a good thing.

end of day 1 though, made it :)

So sorry to be so bloody self absorbed today, been a hell of a day, but to everyone still battling, all power to your elbow xx

Purple - you're like a hummingbird. Slow you down and you can see just how fast you beautiful wings are moving to keep all of you in the air, working so hard to stay.

DD could have been pushing boundaries, esp as you say she was at XPs, so though the lead would be lighter to swing

I think overall, you've handled this really well, being honest with her, even if you fuck up, even if you get it wrong again, please keep talking to her, explain it to her, even if you don't know yourself, tell her that. :)

Your DS's will be fine, they deal with things differently and they will miss most of what goes on around them, they don't 'see' what your DD will. Nor feel your emotions sweetheart...

Nemo is asleep, I put him to bed early and went to the gym!!!!! GET IN!!! For the first time in 6 months, I had some me time, okay, so I had to put him to bed and do all of the bedtime routine alone again as he still won't have DH involved, but by 8pm, I was in the gym, gently using the equipment, enjoying the ME TIME. Then into a hot shower, home to a toastie and a cuppa tea and now bed.

He's better when he's had a busy day, so keeping him out in the sun has helped him, but not my pain levels..... I'm hoping the gym has helped, the shower was bliss, no rushing, power shower all over my achy back. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. :)

Sorry not to catch up with you all but I will try tomorrow.

Obrigada - nice to see you posting :) xxx

Just checking in. Came home tired and then got angry with dh and dd2 and their constant bitching at each other.I'm sick of being caught in the middle. So I did the recycling, the washing, the bins and all the dishes they have been arguing over. So I am now a bit pissed! That helps huh?

Morning babes, Libertine Good luck this morning. Hope today is a better day than yesterday.
mouse Amazing about you getting some you time, hope was a settled night in house of mouse.
Better dash as running late to drop little one off and boring old meeting first thing
Stay brave babes xx

Morning. Mouse How lovely that you got some 'me' time. Spring and warmer days are just around the corner so hopefully Nemo will have lots more days where he can wear himself out and settle easier and you can get out. Hope you are not stiff/sore this morning? Thank you for your lovely words. I'm learning more about myself all the time with all the help I'm getting. I may not understand the solution yet but I'm much clearer about the problem. A start, I feel. Baby steps.

Ma Sending a hug. It's so hard when they are squabbling isn't it? It's such a downer and so difficult to pull to a stop. Makes you want to scream! It must be even harder when one of the culprits is a 'grown-up'! Don't beat yourself up Lovely. Hope you are OK this morning.

Mega stress here already. Found my mind drifting towards the lure of wine for later. Recognising a trigger - so fighting it. Both DS's need clown outfits for Red Nose day and DD needs an 80's outfit (neon stuff) for her Red Nose day PLUS a book themed character outfit for World Book day - none of which I have anything suitable for in the vast dressing up bag we have. (Plus the 'donations' they'll all need to take for the privilege of me buying them things to dress up in?!) I could cobble some bits together but will, ultimately, have to buy some stuff. It's all very well the school coming up with these fab and interesting ideas but those of us on a limited budget sigh each time the letters come home. Added to that, each of the children have had school trips that I've had to pay for in the last 2 weeks adding up to nearly £50. XP says he'll help - then forgets or runs out of money!

Sorry, rant over! Off to treat myself to a trip round the charity shops to find something 'clowny'! Then to the Alcohol Services nurse.

Wishing everyone a peaceful, strong day. xxx

Morning.

I need to stay away from mn for the next little while, I have a lot to do and I really need to focus on work and home stuff.
Please forgive me though if I pop in occasionally and ask you all to keep me honest!
Have a good day everyone and wishing all you lovely mothers a fabulous mother's day this weekend.