The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Boinging Into Spring, With A Dance And A Sing!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I'm one of the regular travellers on this Bus!

This is a Bus for drinkers, the completely sober, those fighting to stay sober and everyone in between! No matter what, you're welcome here if you feel you don't like the way you drink anymore, or you're worried for someone else.

Take a seat.

You'll be listened to, looked after and maybe (if you're lucky), slapped with our resident Squid, Barry whom I'm sure you'll meet in time!

So, what have you got to lose by posting? What have you got to lose by coming to say hello and telling us why you don't like the way you drink anymore?

And, if you'd like to see where we've been so far HERE IS THE LAST THREAD

And the reason we're ALL here in the first place, the first ever thread is ALL HERE

See you soon xx

Morning all and hello to Charley. Just a quiick one as I have to leave for work in a bit. Charley it does sounds as if your drinking could be mostly habit and the way to break habits is to make new ones. For you, this would mean changing your teatime routine. Is this going to be at all possible for you?

How about getting a slow cooker and putting everything in it in the morning. Then, at the end of the day all you will need to do is your veg. Could you get takeout once a week? Could you eat cold meats and salad that don't require cooking? Is there anyone else in your house who could take over the cooking for a few weeks?

Create new habits to do at that time of day. Maybe go out for a walk or take the children to the park. Or just catch up on your ironing or gardening. Basically, do something else, anything else, until that particular trigger loosens it's hold on you.

You can change this. One day at a time. Keep posting about your day, your thoughts, how it's going. Welcome to the bus

Libs I think you need to snuggle up under the warm blankie at the back of the bus today. Rest, plenty of water and little nibbles of toast are in order. Try to have a bowl of vegetable soup for lunch and maybe take a multivitamin. Then let the healing begin x

Morning All!

Well, I got to Day 4 yesterday and drank last night. Trigger? My son being an arse. He's got his GCSE's in May/June, is not studying, has the right attitude to fail absolutely everything. Has lied to me regarding which college does the course he wants to to. Has dropped a GCSE subject. Will not tidy his bedroom. It just really, really, REALLY gets on my very last nerve. All he wants to do is sit on the sofa all day with his laptop.

Day 1.....

Sorry, I haven't name checked, I'm so bloody cross.

welcome charley and well done for being brave and posting. There is definitely no judging on here.

Re. breaking the cycle, you have already identified your triggers (cooking dinner) so can you make yourself a different drink while you cook? Something to look forward to afterwards?

Welcome Charley.

Lemony - so sorry to hear you are having a hard time. Nothing gets to you like the dcs. I don't know anything about teenagers so don't know what to say except: hang in there.

Clutter you are doing fabulously!

Monday weigh-in was not too bad considering all the toast and cake I have been eating this week. I put on a pound and frankly I got off lightly.

Have a good Monday, all babes

Morning everyone. Sorry, just checking in, will come back and post properly later.

Hi LRD, how are things with you?

Hello.

I'm not doing brilliantly, to be honest, but I really need to make an effort now.

How are you doing?

Hi LRD. Sorry to hear things aren't going so well. We are here for you!
How am I doing? Well it depends what you mean. I had 3 units of alcohol last week which by some measures should have me dancing for joy. but then I said I was going to do dry lent, so actually, FAIL.
I'm ok because I'm feeling physically ok. I wanted to cut down and I have and I will do dry lent next year from a different place - cutting down from 3 units to 0 is a different think from, erm, take a guess, maybe 30 or 35 to 0.
I accept that I will never be able to relax and drink as much as I want. I accept that the amount I want to drink is dysfunctional.
I know I can't drink at all in certain situations.
If I carry on drinking like this I am not lessening the chances of being here for my dcs into adulthood.
So - you may think I am being over-easy on myself - but I have to look at what I have done, not what I have not done, because it is being hard on myself that got me into this mess. (honestly. I know if MIFLAW was here he would bark YOU ARE DELUDING YOURSELF but I know myself. I'm an ex- (NOT LAPSED, EX)-Catholic and I know guilt is not my friend. GodDAMN do I know it.

Had a really bad weekend.

The children were with ExP. (I'm never very good on my own) They all went to ExP's brother's for a surprise party. ExBIL has been one of my best friends for over 20 years but his wife doesn't like me (think she thinks I'm a threat?!) so wasn't invited. Childishly cross that everyone was having a jolly old time without me - and I was missing DC terribly. Plus, had an invite for a friend's 40th party but I just couldn't face going solo - again. Everyone else were in couples. I end up looking round at the women and wondering what's so wrong with me.

Added to that, when she got home, DD sat on my bed and asked me not to drink wine any more. She said it was dangerous for me. So, any illusions I was kidding myself with are well and truly gone. I suspect my drinking may have been a topic of conversation over the weekend between ExP and MIL. MIL wouldn't miss a chance to stir things and I've given her plenty of ammunition.

Don't think I've felt so low for a long time. Drank far too much, more than I can remember drinking in a weekend, and am feeling awful today. Given myself the 'runs' (sorry, TMI), a sore stomach I'm feeling all the self-loathing possible. I know it's not useful but I don't know how can I be so stupid?

Looking dreadful today. Skin is dry and flaky, eyes are red from lack of sleep and crying.

Drinking lots of water, have taken my vitamins and got some soup for later.

How can I let my children down so badly?

I won't be drinking today.

Sorry for 'me, me, me' post.

Purple, so sorry. You have really been attacked from all angles this weekend.
What did you say to DD? Don't forget that she loves you and cares about you, so whatever stirring MIL has been doing, dd is coming at this from a good place. Try to think of that side of it rather than any malice from any other people that may be in the background.

What are you doing today? What can you do for you? Do you have time to put on some music and let go for a few minutes? Music can really take you out of the moment and your troubles. And if you are feeling super rough it is something you can do lying down.

Day 1. I am rooting for you, Purple x

Thanks curry. And just three units sounds great! But I can see what you mean. I think you are right to focus on what you've done, not what you didn't manage to do. I know I need to do that sometimes, because I find if I just give up and say 'I've failed', I end up using it as an excuse. So it makes a lot of sense to focus on the positives.

purple - sorry to hear you had a bad day. How old is your DD? I think curry is right, whatever stirring your MIL has done, your DD obviously cares and wants to see you better.

Good luck today.

Thank you Curry. I tried, first, to waffle my way out with DD but she wasn't having any of it. And I know she's worried and genuinely cares. It just made me feel so dreadfully guilty. All this time I've been telling myself that I've kept my problem hidden.

At the moment, I'm allowing myself to have a lazy day and watch some crappy TV. And doing what I call my 'ad break' tidying.

I can't believe that I managed 7 weeks dry before Christmas. I need to tap into that way of thinking again but just can't seem to grasp it.

Appointment with the Alcohol Services nurse on Wednesday. I cancelled last week which was the worse thing I could have done. I was just too down to even go. Will turn up this week though.

xx

DD is 11 LRD - and thanks. x

Purps, are you still on the Campral? You can do this you but you have to REALLY want to. Can you write down all the benefits of drinking and then all the costs. See whether the benefits outweigh the costs and if not make a decision to let the wine go,knowing that you are CHOOSING to do so as on balance it does not serve you well. Say to yourself "I choose not to drink" as opposed to "I can't drink or should't drink.

When you were AF for 7 weeks you had a goal with weightloss to keep you motivated, what can you use this time?

Be kind to yourself and DD you can do it x

A lot of the weight has crept back on Green so I can still use that as an incentive. I've finished the Campral and thought about asking the Dr to prescribe it again via a phone call but feel sure she won't unless I go and see her. Couldn't face it before but I'm going to make an appointment and go back and see her. (I've put the cordless phone somewhere and can't find it! It's out of charge so can't even page it!!)

Feeling a bit stronger, thanks Babes. xx

aww purple sounds like you had a hard weekend - is there anything you can do to treat yourself the next time the kids are away? I hope it goes okay with your alcohol advisor on Wednesday

I'm back to not sleeping (except Saturday when I had some wine, and slept like a log not a good incentive for cutting down on alcohol...)

Every time I quit taking the SSRI (seroxat, prozac and now sertraline) I get anxious and panic attacks. Every time I quit taking the mirtazapine and go back on the SSRI, my anxiety improves but I don't sleep. This has been going on and off and on again for the last 9 MONTHS and I'm so fed up of the merry-go-round...

Purple would it be possible to sign up for some charity work on the weekends when you don't have your dcs? Even a couple of hours during the day would give you something else to focus on. I think you are a very caring person and find caring for others easier than caring for yourself. Elderly neighbours are always glad to have someone to help them shop, or garden, or just spend a bit of time with them.

I think it really helps to have a goal. I did really well with weight loss this time last year because I had a wedding to go to, so I wanted to look my best. I have a new goal now because I want to have a 'summer' body (something that I don't have to cover up when it gets warmer).

Lemony this is how I get my teenagers to focus on their schoolwork. I ask them to make a list of all the things they would like to have/do as an adult. Do you want to buy or rent a place of your own? Do you want to be able to drive a car? Do you want to go on holiday now and again? Do you want to buy new clothes? Do you want a laptop, games console, music player, etc? What do you want?

You will need a job to pay for those things that you want. What sort of job do you want? One that pays well enough to buy those things or one that just pays the bills? How are you going to get that job that you want? What qualifications do you need? How are you going to get those GCSEs?

I ask them about this, not in a nagging way, but in a 'your choice' kind of way if that makes sense. I provide a quiet space to work in, snacks and drinks, entertainment breaks (tv, laptop, etc.) and the rest is up to them. They have to study, I can't do it for them. If they do do particularly well at anything at school I show my admiration for their efforts. They put the work in, they reap the rewards.

It's your life, I tell them, not mine. You decide how you want to live it. But you won't be living with me forever. What do you want?

AGH
Just been invited out for drinks by work contacts. People whose insider knowledge I really need. Very boozy people.
I have to go, not sure how to manage the drinking thing.

Glad you're feeling stronger now, purple.

curry - oh, no, how annoying! Can you invent a need to drive afterwards? Or medication?

Good luck with it.

Hi lovely babes

purple unMN hugs for you, you sound really fed up and stressed. I would have been most dischuffed at the family party situation although I realise that there isn't anything you can do to change that. Flick V signs at the mIL?
Please listen to faire she is quite right . Can you get to a swimming pool or go for a long walk? Might not help with the drink but you will feel better afterwards. I have a pedometer thingy and I fool myself that I'm doing loads of exercise if I hit a target everyday. Lots of sympathy for you.

curry Can you lie and keep a straight face? Tell them you are on antibiotics or something. Or tell them you are doing dry lent, which you are and stay away from that first drink!

joey Hope things get better for you soon.

curry could you say you are taking that antibiotic for tooth problems - can't recall the name of it (metro-something) and if you drink with it you then get v v v sick, so you MUST avoid alcohol. That way they won't pressure you into any, and you might less me inclined to drink as otherwise you will be rumbled?

Back on the bus for the week. Did really well, really really well. 2 glasses fri, non Saturday (poured it, and then poured it down the sink after a mouthful) and one with Sunday dinner. Normally after that I'd finish the bottle whilst clearing away.....I didn't even feel the inclination thankfully. I have no idea why. I always though find the first bus-day of the week hardest. If I've had even one drink the day before, I want one the next more than if I hadn't IYKWIM? So therefore looking forward to getting today out of the way, even if I am counting down to Friday. So yes, it's not miraculously vanished, its hard. Really hard. if I get through between now and 8pm then its game won. It would be so easy to just have old habits start again but I am so determined.

And yes, charley these ladies are right, Breaking habits is the key. If you feel like I did then the thing is you are scared to break those habits as it takes away your window of opportunity to decide to drink, but honestly, it works. I was a cooking drinker too, when the kids were being put to bed and I was making adult supper. For now we are all eating at 6 which breaks that particular cycle for me. Talking of which, I better pull my finger out!

Thanks Joey Poor you! 9 months and they still haven't sorted you out properly on your meds? Not sleeping is a huge trigger for me - you have my sympathy.

Faire. Thanks for the advice. TBH, I don't think anything would have helped this weekend. I was a bit like a slow motion car crash waiting to happen. I couldn't even get out of bed for the most of it. I will look into the charity idea though. I'm going on holiday in about 4 weeks so, even if I only lose half a stone, I'll feel better so that's my goal for now.

LRD Thanks.

Guggs Thank you for the hugs (didn't realise there weren't very MN!) You are right about going swimming etc. I need to stop drinking long enough to get to the gym again. I felt so good when I was AF last year. Plan on making a voodoo image of MIL and getting some large pins!

From the tone of ExP's text over the past week or so, he still would like us to try again. So, that's been doing my head in a bit too. It's not all his fault, I've been leaning on him a bit because I've been so low. Love him - but can't live with him.

Not looking forward to the sweats tonight.

Hey I got in from work about half ago and a drinking tea ! Had crap day too but not opened the wine x