The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Boinging Into Spring, With A Dance And A Sing!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I'm one of the regular travellers on this Bus!

This is a Bus for drinkers, the completely sober, those fighting to stay sober and everyone in between! No matter what, you're welcome here if you feel you don't like the way you drink anymore, or you're worried for someone else.

Take a seat.

You'll be listened to, looked after and maybe (if you're lucky), slapped with our resident Squid, Barry whom I'm sure you'll meet in time!

So, what have you got to lose by posting? What have you got to lose by coming to say hello and telling us why you don't like the way you drink anymore?

And, if you'd like to see where we've been so far HERE IS THE LAST THREAD

And the reason we're ALL here in the first place, the first ever thread is ALL HERE

See you soon xx

Thank you all.

Tis time for this Mouse to say g'night. I have mentioned that to DH Ma, I only hope that 'something' will work xxxx

Clutter, I have reclusive tendencies anyway. I do use booze to help me manage sociability, for me it has or had a lot to do with finding the stamina and energy (not just confidence, but that too) to go out and "make friends". not that they really were most of them - no fault of theirs but I was not really present in my major going-out days.
Would you actually prefer to go out, or do you think you ought to?

alabaster well done on not drinking and healthy vibes to your liver

determined, nice to see you, you sound like a very cunning and wiley mother.

mouse I love the seahorse thing!

Libertine, hang in there till it falls into place

Big love to all Babes

Today I was so tired after a night with teething dc2.... so I have eaten everything in sight.
Tomorrow is another day.
WW leered at me again a little after work, as I work from home on Fridays so it's like a mini weekend, but I blanked her.

bedtime for me. dp on teething duty tonight

Yes im dead annoyed with myself tonight. I have for first time since coming here had ww back again.Im not sure what answer is? Is there one?? Dont mean to be depressing - I dont think I enjoyed that bottle and im back on this bus tomorrow!

Hello

mouse & alabaster sorry that things are so hard for you both at the minute. I hope that, in time, life stops kicking you in the teeth. mouse you have done so well to not give in to oblivion, not that it helps in the long run.

clutter at the moment my social life appears to be on a bit of a go-slow. I think that is a good thing, but to be fair my friends are being very supportive.

Sorry again for not name checking everyone.

DH was having a beer tonight and offered me one. I had to say no because there is no chance one would be enough, and if I gave myself permission to drink tonight I don't think I could stop myself tomorrow or the next day...

Well done Jack on resisting, I'm like you if I have one not sure where I would stop, that's so good that your friends are supportive.

Fullofhope today is a new day, maybe try to draw on the fact that you didn't enjoy the wine to try to help you next time you feel tempted Hope your not suffering too much today.

MA love your thinking, going to suggest my dd sits and does big jigsaw to try to engage my ds, he is so jealous of her and can be a real wee horror so this may give them some special time? Hope your DD's didn't scare your ds too much with creepy soundtrack

Curry Yep, that's a good question, think maybe I feel I should be going out but don't actually want to. At the moment with my teenage daughter, 3 year old son, part-time post as psychiatric nurse, husband, money worries etc etc I feel I am so exhausted and just want to kinda preserve what little energy I have when not working. I used to be a real going out kinda person and it's like with my friend that's my role. It used to be me that organised nights out, lunches and things and everything always involved having some drinks. Quite a few of my friends don't have kids and I honestly don't think they get how exhausting it all is. I know I have had enough of that role and want to change, I want to concentrate on me, my family, my home, my garden. I feel like I am maybe neglecting my friends but I don't think they really understand or get how much I don't want that life. How are you managing at the moment?

Mouse thinking of you and hope things improve for you all soon x

Waves to all other babes and wishes you huge positive vibes for vending off the wicked ww today/tonight x

Hi everyone, I'm shuffling back on feeling very low, I have consumed a ridiculous amount if wine in the last week and frankly I have got to my own rock bottom. Even my family have noticed I have had a bit if a meltdown. I am on day 2 and the withdrawal is horrendous, this is how I know I'm in dangerous territory, most worrying is a dull heavy pain
Around my heart, everything else I fully deserve.
I feel a ridiculous amount of guilt at my family now worrying about me, it feels like the cats been let of the bag, have been having weird, manic weeping episodes, I really really need some support, time for change xxx

Morning brave babes :)

Ugh, well I'm hung over today, and feeling crap. Had to get neighbour to take DS to school, as I couldn't face it, that's the first time, hopefully the last.

curry have you tried having friends round once a week or something for dinner? Or do you not feel like that either? before I moved here (exactly the middle of nowhere) I had a very large circle of party friends, I had to leave when I had my first DC as I couldn't get the balance betweenthem right, and now just see them occasionally. It's a difficult one, but you must do what's best for you.

Jack very well done, the day I can say no,if someone offers me a beer, I will be very chuffed :)

babyjane you've already started the change, well done for getting to day 2, especially feeling so crap. It can only be a good lthing your family knowing, you are going to need their support.

We are all here for you. and

Morning All. Day 2 here after that meltdown earlier this week.

Mouse I was thinking. Y'know, during the normal course of things, when littlies are ill, all they want is their Mum. Now, nemo has had glue ear, chesty bits and bobs, not feeding properly etc. which have all made him feel under par. It's only natural that he wants his mum. But, in his world, I think these things are amplied by his condition(s). I really don't think that your H has done anything wrong, but it's just that little nemo has decided he feels poorly and just wants his mum and nothing is going to distract him from that.

I feel so sorry that your H feels like he's being rejected - he kind of is, but isn't really, because during the normal course of things, this happens on a lesser scale. It's just that it's amplied and if your H can bear with this and stay strong and keep telling himself that "it's not him", then I think that you should all get through this. Your H seems such a lovely, loving man that it's not surprising that he is very hurt. Nemo seems such a loving, lovely boy, that it's not surprising that he's feeling all his poorliness much more....

And you, well, you seem such a lovely, loving person, that it's no wonder that both your H and Nemo absolutely adore you and that you're feeling like you're being pulled in a thousand different directions. Maybe we should rename you "Elastagirl"?

I do think, however, that YOU just need a few hours just to go and "be" and not do anything. Can you manage a few hours at a local spa? Or go to your local leisure centre for a massage? Would these tiny (but maybe too expensive?) things help to relieve some of the pressure, even for an hour or so?

{{HUGS}} to you.

Hugs to all you other fellow travellers - it's a long, hard road, but with determination, we can do this.....

Morning!
Big hugs to those who are struggling...

Have we talked about nutrition on this thread? I have just read "The Vegetarian Myth" by Lierre Keith and it struck several chords. I know several healthy happy vegetarians (and live with one) so I am not coming at this from a "vegetarianism is bad" angle; more that I recognise so many things about problems with appetite (feeling guilty for having one, basically, at the same time as being very easy prey to all sorts of bad feelings because of hunger and its physiological effects on the brain) and had a light-bulb moment about the connections between eating disorders of various sorts and over-drinking.
Like: appetites will not go away; if you suppress them they will pop up in unhealthy places. Being hungry - at a deep deep level, not just the momentary peckishness that is warned against by HALT - can make you drink everything in sight.
Eating low carb has done wonders for my ability to manage booze.
And for my depression.
I am not talking about weight loss, but about eating well for mental and physical health. anyone want to talk about this?

Have a good day all babes x

mouse big giant superhugs yo you and your lovely family, makes my problem look mighty small x x x

curry I ahve tried low carb before, it went really well, but jesus, the first week, I had such a headache, I don't know if I could face that again, I'm a big believer in wheat being the actual devil though :)

Hi clutter - its strange but up until a couple of weeks ago I had bottle of wine every nightand didnt think anything of it. But today I feel sick sore head and didnt sleep and never want another glass!! Its very acarr ie I got absolutely no benefits from it.

Aw BabyJ huge hugs for you today honey (( )) Maybe you have had to hit rock bottom for you to know that you want to change things? Have you said in the past that your family have overlooked your looking because felt you deserved a couple of glasses due to the pain of your Crohn's? Maybe now they are seing that this is not helping but making things worse and by them seeing they can help and support you in making change. Don't be too hard on yourself try to use these feelings to drive you to make the change you sound like you want.

libertine sorry your feeling so rubbish, new day today, plenty of fluids, carbs, a walk in the fresh air and maybe write out how you feel right now so you can read it tonight if the ww comes calling? I have invited friends round for dinner and they always bring bottles of sparkling stuff and wine. I am so so weak when faced with these challenges so find it easier to hide away from all temptation, maybe I just need to be more assertive. It's like if someone has brought round a bottle of fizz for us to share I feel rude saying no iyswim?
Hope you feel better soon (( ))

Lemony Well done on Day 2, that's amazing, are you starting to feel a little better than you did a couple of days ago?

Interesting post Curry It feels like our GP's and health professionals dealing with mental health maybe need a dramatic overhaul in how they treat people with depression. Maybe instead of lot's of anti-depressants they should look more closely at diet, lifestyle choices. But I suppose they have been trying to do that and you can not make someone change their diet/lifestyle just advise. Also in our country it is cheaper to buy processed frozen food rather than nutricious fresh food. Just from my own personal experience my little boy loves fruit and I have had to say no to him in the shop as the small punnet of Raspberries is £3. They do do small bags of grapes and apples but they last 2 minutes. I keep thinking of growing some of my own fruit and veg, I remember my Granparents growing loads and would be amazing to have fresh fruit on tap!

That reminds me fullofhope I am going to buy his book right now I think your tolerance completely goes down when you don't drink, I get pretty tipsy of 2 glasses of wine and when out I'm always the one who gets really drunk if I drink wine, whereas the others I'm with are ok but think that's cause they have built up more resistance...if that makes sense?

Morning lovely babes

baby Lots of sympathy and hugs to you xx
Would it make you really cross if I said that going to aa has made all the difference to me? I know we have talked about this before. I've just managed 2 sober months, the guilt and anxiety have fucked right off. I don't believe that aa is the only way to go - there's smart and alcohol services etc. I needed some rl support as well as this lovely bus. My local aa is full of amazing,intelligent women in recovery,bit like the bus. It's very anonymous and discrete. Anyhow- take very good care of yourself today. xx

curry sounds interesting! tell me more. I'm veggie but I'm pretty healthy, well apart from the booze. We get some able and cole boxes and try to chomp our way through them during the week. I do eat carbs because my temper without carbs is paint meltingly vile, also my weight is fairly ok ish. Since giving the sauce a miss I've been snacking on unhealthy foods rather a lot. Tell me what you are thinking about?

clutter Yup, you deserve a good long rest. When you work with people all the time, handling emotions and crisis all the time, it's exhausting! Time for some gardening rest for you I think

'Lo there libertine and jack and lemony and mouse and ma and hopeful and everyone.

clutter thanks babe, you remind me a little if my own situation, I have a toddler who is adorable but very very lively and a teenager with her own set of demands, i think we must face a lot of similar situations. I appreciate your support x x x

Hi Libertine - yep those withdrawal headaches can be killer.

Gugg - sounds like your diet works for you, which is great. I think some people (like me) have dysfunctional responses to high carb diets, especially low fat ones. I think it made me ill and depressed. I think eating low carb can help you lose weight, which is great if you need to, but a bit of a side issue to what I am saying here which is that eating high carb, or defacto low in animal fat, the official "healthy" diet, can make you screamingly achingly unwell and hungry,( so over time, fat, again a side issue right now) and you can lose all sight of moderation with respect to whatever is "allowed" - including booze. For years of my life I never felt satisfied, never felt that "enough is enough" - I had never had enough (of the right things) even whenI had had far too much (of the wrong ones).

Lierre Keith is not primarily concerned with personal nutrition, it is only one of the things she addresses in a book which looks a lot at environmental concerns and how industrial arable farming is unsustainable. But she was a vegan for years, very unwell, and has first hand knowledge of an extreme hunger (far more than me, who was always too weak to eat as little or as ascetically as I thought I should)

It is liberating to me to recognise certain things as symptoms of a poor diet, rather than inherent weaknesses.

Clutter, I agree with you in that I have profound doubts about health care professionals treating things with lifestyle advice because a. many people have very little real choice about so much of their lifestyles (no time to exercise, or meditate, or engage in a nourishing hobby; no money to buy good quality protein; no chance of any consistent decent sleep at night) so it will just be more hectoring, denying people the treats they do have (even if they are only short term treats they are the things that keep people going and you can't pull crutches away without being in a position to mend the leg which GPs are not) - so it is just meaningless bullying instead of help. And also because most GPs will give poor nutritional advice - low fat high carb causes a lot of problems for many people.

But it would be great if they could prescribe holidays, or personal chefs, or long term exercise regimes with time off to pursue them!

Sorry to go on so long

Morning, tis me, Mouse

To those who drank last night or the days before..... do you think something triggered you losing your resolve not to or was it a case of "fuck it, I want to drink so I will"?

It seems that from reading the posts from those who have drunk in the last few days, that the guilt you now feel is there of course, but the physical effects of the alcohol seem to be more present IYSWIM?

Libs - you had to get someone else to take DS to school, that must have been really hard to do, knowing that it was because of your own actions..... did you tell him you were poorly? I've been there btw, and I felt like shit for having to ask someone else to take DD to school because I was still steaming from the night before.

Look after yourself today. xx

Gugg - going to AA, Allan Carr, drinking pressed juices from the Lesser Spotted Giant Purple Climbing Creeper , whatever..... if it works, it works! And it clearly works for YOU! 2 whole months is bloody fantastic work, well done you xx

Baby - you have to hit rock bottom before you can start to climb back up again. I'm sorry that you are so low but you have to stop drinking like you are sweetheart, you are making your existing health problems worse..... so a HUGE WELL DONE on day 2, I really hope that the days start to add up to double figures, ODAAT.

Accept all the help you can in RL, see what your options are and try something, anything, your health is too important to keep hurting yourself like this. We're all here for you. xx

Full - Sorry you're so fecked off with yourself, funny how you really want that wine isn't it, until the next day that is when the physical effects tell you that you shouldn't have bothered. xx

Curry - healthy, fresh foods are high on my list each and every week. We have nothing in jars (sauces for cooking, chicken, pasta etc) and everything we cook is from scratch normally. BUT WE ARE LUCKY! DH grows a lot of stuff in the the garden and I'm a huge believer in DD having what we eat as much as possible. I make her spag bol, pizza, chicken dishes etc from scratch so I know what is in her food. We don't add salt or sugar to anything because we may use a pinch in the cooking process. We all try to eat a varied diet and will make at least 2 nights out of a week, nights where we have a well balanced meal with lean meat, veg, and a carb so rice or potatoes etc.......

I find that if I don't get that variety, I'm ratty (not Mousey ) and don't sleep well. If I eat a load of junk, I suffer with dreadful PMT, mood swings and crave alcohol a hell of a lot more. Funny huh? Oh and water is a huge thing for me too..... because of the amount of Morphine I'm on, I need gallons to keep my insides moving as they should, but I find that if i am dehydrated, I feel crappy too. It all fits, healthy food = healthy body and mind, with me at least.

Lemony - spot on. Everything you posted is true. This morning, I had to go to the gym to have my second induction and pick up my member card. I told Nemo ALL DAY yesterday that I'd be going and that DH would be here.

He spent all morning crying and saying he needed me. I told him calmly that I had to go but would be back etc....... He cried and sobbed saying that I couldn't leave him, please don't leave me.

Whilst I was gone he was upset BUT DH didn't give up, he just kept saying yes, I'm coming back, she won't be long, what shall we play/watch/do now? And, they managed to be find after a while. He wasn't crying an hour later when I got home. But I do not think the same will be said at school. He needs to build his confidence back up there. And that's going to take time. Lots of reassurance and time. Once he's in bed, or if DH can keep him busy, then I do plan to go to the gym, even for a half hour. My time off is the only thing keeping me going, as little as it is, every minute counts.

DH is coming to meet us from school again too, we need to keep including him no matter how hard it is, I will not let this destroy us. And DH is up for the fight which is half the battle. He could so easily leave......

Thank you Lemony, and to you all for getting it xxx

Lots of posts today...

curry - you know, I'm a veggie and have been for 23 years. Don't really think about it ever any more, doesn't even enter my radar, eating meat and fish is just something that I don't do. Oh how i wish wine was the same!!! DH and kids do, and I don't have any issue with buying/touching/cooking it just don't want to eat it. However from a health perspective I really don't think veggie is the ultimate way to do it. Default foods (especially when eating out) are heaps of carbs with cheese and eggs. One weird thing I've noticed is that since being ill, radically changing my diet as a consequence, and no wine for almost 2 weeks, I thought I would see a massive difference. I've not lost ONE pound, not one!!! Dr Google (best friend and worst enemy) tells me that fatty liver caused by alcohol consumption (and 99% of heavy drinkers have a fatty liver,its not something that's questionable!) makes it much much harder to loose weight. Something to do with the fat processing by the liver being totally skewed. People with a fatty liver find it exceptionally hard to loose weight, much harder than non-drinkers. Interesting!

Did anyone see that bbc news thing yesterday? Some highly paid genius has worked out that we all lie on surveys and to drs about our alcohol consumption because there is a 50% discrepancy between what we say we drink, and what we buy. That was a shocker.... NOT!!!

babyjane don't beat yourself up.... How did the tests and investigations go earlier in the week (Monday was it?). You have been very kind in your comments to me, and I have been grateful. You offered to hold my hand, and I'm happy to do the same. Chin up, day 2 is an achievement!

Drs for me at 3. She's going to grope my liver and I would be floored if she doesn't send me for an ultrasound. 2 weeks ago that would have petrified me but now I actually really, really want to know what I am dealing with. Last weekend three days running I poured a glass, had less than a mouthful and poured it down the sink. Combination of guilt, and a feeling of WTAF is the point in one pathetic glass, I might as well not bother. Fingers crossed for the docs, please......

Well done alabaster on such a robust attitude to your appointment this afternoon. Will be thinking about you then.

Very interesting about not losing weight with a fatty liver! How do you know if you have one?

Well curry , how i understand it is that if you regularly drink 6 units a night, then you HAVE a fatty liver, its not questionable. It doesn't always show up on blood tests, but does on ultrasounds, and has no regular symptoms either, only that some people report a dull ache in the liver area, but that's when things are already progressing and your liver is a bit swollen. Your poor liver is really good at just 'keeping going' until it gets damaged. Rather scarily, its the first stage of liver disease. Realising that I have the first stage of liver disease is enough to put the willies up me, I can tell you.

It's reversible though, if you abstain from drinking the fatty liver will go away. There doesn't seem to be a prescribed time, some people say 3 months some say 6. But it will come back again if you start drinking heavily again; in as little as a few weeks. And I stupidly thought that 9 months of abstinence during pregnancy would have given my liver a break, but no....when pregnant your liver actually has to work harder than ever, filtering and detoxifying more blood than usual (I think you have something like 20% more blood when you are pregnant?) so your liver is properly pushed by both pregnancies and alcohol.

Scary huh?

mouse good that nemo and dh have made some progress.
We are half way to Liverpool and listening to the bloody singing kettle! Takes me back....

I have to tell you that I had a theory going for years that Vegetarians 'needed' to drink wine because it erm... added protein or some such shit! lol.

curry that is really interesting.It's not an area I know anything about so I love it when people explain things to me (geek alert). How do you know about nutrition and diet? Hope you don't mind the questions, I do this in RL too!

mouse Kind words Promise I won't bang the aa drum too hard on here,it is only one approach. It's working for me now, but who can say how it will be in 6 mths? a year? I don't know.
You sound stronger today, I'm sure that a united front with nemo is the best way ahead. Don't believe for a minute that mrmouse would leave!

Hmm fatty livers? Bet I've got one (matches the fatty arse).Anything I can do, other than stay off the sauce? I didn't know that being pg had an effect on the liver either, though it affects everything sodding else lets' face it.

What's the singing kettle ?

babyjane what happened to trigger it? did you have your scope?