Afternoon, tis me, Mouse
To those who said 'why can't I go into detail?' it's because this is a public forum and I've most likely said too much already, it's not that I don't want to, it's just that it was a very upsetting moment and something I don't think DH would want mentioned in detail. Sorry. 
xx
Ma - you dafty! I knew what you meant lovely, and I honestly believe in my heart, deep within my soul that DH and I are meant to be, forever. Our wedding theme was the Seahorse because they mate for life. We have a Seahorse in every room in the house. Soppy? Maybe but it's massively important to us both. We are a team, in all we do, we've always been a team.
Except for now. And it's hard not to have my Seahorse curled around me because there's a little fish in the way......
venus - such a lovely post, thank you so much. You are exactly right, in everything that you say. He does feel inadequate, through no fault of his own too which to me, makes it even harder to deal with. He wants his son to love him but right now, Nemo is saying that he doesn't even like DH and that is crushing him.
I can't imagine the pain it would cause me but I can see my husband getting smaller and smaller each day that this carries on....... I managed to get out last night and my friend was totally amazing. She got it, she gets it. She knew that I am right in saying that Nemo is way beyond where he should be with his numbers, letters, words, etc. Academically, he is flying but emotionally and socially he is stranded in limbo and can't move. He can't articulate his feelings, so he lashes out, rejects everyone but me, he is naughty because he's frustrated.
He won;t be officially assessed again for Autism until he is 4/5 (before school I think), so not long to go and I will be making a shit load of noise so that the assessment covers everything.
I'm so pleased that this Bus is here..... I could have easily got shit faced last night. I wanted to. I really did but all that would have done is given me a hangover, a rougher night than normal at 2.47 am when my night shift started with my little boy and a feeling of immense guilt for letting myself down. So, I had two glasses of wine, came home, talked to DH about the day, what my lovely friend had said and went to bed with DH, holding him tight until we both fell fast asleep. It's the only time we get alone now, and even that is cut short every night.
Faire - you are amazing. Thank you for your kind post to me, I'm very aware of everything all happening at once currently and I'm trying to put things into the order in which they are most important, but as you say, it's not always easy to know which or that is.
Thank you for understanding Faire xx
Clutter - I have a feeling that this is going to be a longer process than I first thought. I know how much DH is hurting and I can't take that away from him because it's just not that simple. All I can do is keep reassuring him that he is a fantastic father, he is loving and giving and selfless in all that he does. All he wants is for things to go back to normal. He wants his son back. he wants his little boy to want to be with him.
They used to have such a strong bond and that seems so weak now. I'm at the gym for my second induction programme. I've just told him ( Nemo ) that I'm going and he went mad at me, I'm just going to go and perhaps have to use a touch of bribery to get that I need to without creating a rod for my own back?!
Libs - I'm glad you feel more positive today, that's the spirit (of the non liquid variety of course 
) I'm also glad you're sticking around, on the Bus.
Thank you all for your well wishes. Today DH is still being rejected but he's starting to ignore the way that Nemo speaks to him. I've said that maybe he should try to give him attention when he is nice and ignore bad behaviuor?
We'll get there, eventually. Right, park and ducks time. Be back later xxx