The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Boinging Into Spring, With A Dance And A Sing!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I'm one of the regular travellers on this Bus!

This is a Bus for drinkers, the completely sober, those fighting to stay sober and everyone in between! No matter what, you're welcome here if you feel you don't like the way you drink anymore, or you're worried for someone else.

Take a seat.

You'll be listened to, looked after and maybe (if you're lucky), slapped with our resident Squid, Barry whom I'm sure you'll meet in time!

So, what have you got to lose by posting? What have you got to lose by coming to say hello and telling us why you don't like the way you drink anymore?

And, if you'd like to see where we've been so far HERE IS THE LAST THREAD

And the reason we're ALL here in the first place, the first ever thread is ALL HERE

See you soon xx

purple I mentioned it because you had said you tended to post when you're 'up' and then go quiet when you're feeling down. Glad to hear things are a bit better now!

Well just did another weekend booze free. Don't feel on top of the world or full of boing But...don't feel shit and dreading work tomorrow. My house isn't spotless but it's not a tip either. I'll start Monday with the weekends dishes all done, on top of the washing, clean clothes ready for everyone, food in the fridge. Had I been drinking Friday or Saturday or both a lot of that wouldn't be done.
I am really really liking being hangover free all weekend & being here, in my life!
Night night babes, much love & strength to you all xx

Well done!! Im back on the apple juice and enjoying it!

rural good to hear from you. Things any easier? I worry about you.

Had a delicious dinner courtesy of client, and am now tucked up in lovely soft hotel bed in which there will be no sex, sober or otherwise!
I could get used to this life..
Richard asked if he could go too Church today with mum. She was a bit stunned but said yes. Maybe it will help, or maybe he's just trying to figure out how to turn water into wine.........

evening! ma, maybe, maybe.... we could be cynical - or just.., you never know!, i just hope your mum is ok!

well - i bought it! picking it up, well dh is, im away on saturday!! oooohh!! excitement is mounting!

Fab, fab clutter Hangover free all weekend

faire a question - you couldn't post for a whole evening because of sex? Am I missing something here?

guggenheim thanks for that - I guess when we're all rambling on about rubbish here, we never really know what might just touch someone who is reading. That's one of the reasons why I think it's so fab just for us to post our weird stuff here, as well as our direct advice / support / help.

Hey rural - keep on coming back, whenever you want to post, you are always welcome. x

ma sleep well and comfy and safe [comfy emoticon]. When people are desperate and at rock bottom then any form of comfort is good. Maybe Richard is praying for more wine, maybe he is praying for the 'elusive high', or maybe he is on his knees, weeping and feeling broken inside and just hoping for some kind of glimmer of hope - of any sort - an angel , a star, a moment of respite from his torment. Well I pray that he finds it, whatever he is looking for. Love v x

Hi all, I was on this bus back in 2011, pregnant with DD2 and smugly assuming that that would give me the break I needed to stay sober forever.

Ha. Hahaha. Yeah, no.

I'm not doing badly at the moment, no shame moment has sent me scurrying over here; I'm doing a decent job at wedging some self-care into my life, have taken up a sport that sees me out of the house one evening a week and I come back so buzzed I don't at all want a drink, so if I can build on that, that'll be great. So I'm really just coming back here as part of building Team Me. And because I luff Mouseface, and venusandmars posts some of my favourite posts ever (venus, in 2011 you once posted something to another person who was thinking of having that first drink, about having another and another, and then realising your partner would be due home, so opening a new bottle and having one glass so you can justify the wine on your breath, and hiding the remainder of the first bottle for later, and maybe your partner will wonder why you're so tipsy on just that one glass and maybe he won't...two years later that post has stayed with me SO many times. So many), and you're all wonderful.

Morning Babes and hello tortoise (agreed, Venus is wonderful, and her post are always inspiring!)

DH borrowed a film from a friend which we watched last night - it's called Powaqqatsi: Life in Transformation and it is amazing. It's a kind of documentary, but there is no narration just images and music. It was really quite profound, uplifting, sad, glorious, astonishing... and every other superlative you can think of.

It ought to be part of the school curriculum I think. It's basically about... people. Honestly, a very powerful and moving film, if you get the chance watch it.

Morning All!

Day 2. I will not be drinking today. I had a sesh on Friday and on Saturday. Too much though. Not wanting to be doing that again. Didn't feel that bad in the mornings, but I just don't want to be doing that any more.

I'm too tired to name check today, but {{MASSIVE}} to everyone who needs them.

Welcome back tortoise, sounds like you have a great base to build things on.

I think a change of routine helps enormously.

Day 4 here. I didn't even go downstairs last night, just hid up in bed with DD. Luckily the wine witch can't use the stairs in our house

Its month end so I am stupidly busy but finding myself faffing around today. Wonder if I am trying to make sure I have to work tonight so I won't drink.

Anyway, hello all - ODAAT: today I will not be drinking.

Thanks Guggs and Joey. I think, Joey, that I'm getting better at putting lots of my feelings on here but sometimes it just feels like it's the 'same old same old' crap, over and over - feels like I'm not learning anything from all this. Other times I just don't have the head-space to write/think. And sometimes I just don't see the point in 'me' - apart from where the children are concerned.

Welcome Need and well done Lemony, Tortoise, Clutter, Fullof and MsGee

Ma Loved the sound of your hotel soft warm bed! Sex? Sorry, what IS that?? Hoping Richard is doing OK.

Having to say goodbye to my gorgeous friend this afternoon. She and her family are flying to America on Wednesday. My DD is good friends with her DD, DS1 is best friends with her DS and my DS2 just loves my friend to bits too, so it's going to be emotional. A year without her seems like a very long time.

Feeling positive (ish). Have a goal in mind - off to Cornwall five weeks from today so need to save money (not squander it on booze ), lose 14lbs a bit of weight and look fab and all sparkly eyed when I get there! If I don't stop drinking now, today, I won't be organised enough to make it. Have to get lots of children's clothes on e-bay to pay for the holiday. Need energy.

Hi to everyone. Hope you are all doing well on this chilly Monday. xxxx

I would love a slice of your cake, inde. I'm not usually a cake person but when managing bouze better I find that I can afford the calories for the odd slice. And also find that I manage treats in general better - so can eat a slice of cake without turning into raving cake monster, which I now realise is why I usually tended to avoid cake.

STINKING cold here.

Nice to see you all.

Thank you for sharing your experiences, NeedChangeNow. Very best of luck!

I had half a bottle of wine last night. No dry lent here ACH. I know for some Sundays don't count, but that is not what I planned, so I am troubled by this, although a week of 6 units was an impossible goal a few months ago.

Hi tortoise!

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Hello lovely Tortiose, welcome back to the Bus you sound like a half-shell with a plan! And, I totally agree with you about venus - she's the reason I posted my first post on here xx

Rural - I'm so glad you posted. I often think of you and wonder how you are and then forget to ask on the thread...... there are lots of Babes like that. Keep coming back on YOUR terms, when YOU feel that you can. Lots of love to you xx

Isinde - YESYESYESYESYESYESYESPLEASE!!!!!!!!!!! that would be fab and then I wouldn't have to rely on the wonderful generosity of Clutter who kindly offered to laminate some things for Nemo (will PM you). Can I at least pay you for the postage and make a donation to your favourite charity or something?? xx

Clutter - will PM you too re the other resources for Nemo xx

Purple - I'm curious, you once wrote that I need to learn to love myself first. You've had such a hard time in life, did you always love yourself or have you had to learn how? If so, how did you do it? Sorry, don't answer if that's too big a question, I just have no idea how to do that.

No, I hated myself before I stopped drinking, I was a worthless mother, shit partner, damaged goods, dirty and used, I was low and selfish, I was ignorant and not in a happy place at all. My past abusive relationships had taken their toll on me and I'd let them. My self confidence regardless of how it looked was rock bottom and following the spell in a Women's Refuge, I thought my life couldn't get any worse.

It didn't as it happened, it gradually got better because I started to fight back. I started to think more about DD (it was just us then) and less about me and in turn, that led to me starting to value myself, my life, her life, our life. As a family. Just because we were where we were, didn't mean we were any less worthy of love, affection, safety or kindness.....

Long story short, I decided that I had to step away from the self destruct button for DD and for me. Yes, her feckless father would have taken her in (over my mother's dead body mind) should anything happen to me, but she nor I wanted that so I had to step away from the image in front of me, walk back from my view and look much further forward if that makes sense? I had to see the entire circle, not just the bends, I had to see all of the contributing factors and change them, one by one so that WE were safe. WE were loved (by friends, family and ourselves) and WE were moving forward together for US.

I was single when we got our house after leaving the hostel, a shithole of a place that they expected a toddler to live in. We had fuck all but fight and by Jeff did I use mine to rebuild myself and strengthen the walls we lived within. And, in time, without me really knowing it, I started to love who I was, I started to accept who I'd been and that she was no more. I started to move forward into the bigger picture, the wider circle I'd managed to put together xx.

Hi. Lurking quite a bit at the mo. ma been watching what's going on for you and your brother, and thinking of you all.

Well, barr a 2 unit wine and soda on Saturday which was drunk over 2+ hours, its been almost a week without a drink. Having glandular fever has made this both easy, and hard. Easy because I have been feeling like a midly warmed up plate of poo, and hard because at the same time it's definitely thrown up some problems with my liver. It's definitely inflamed from the virus, swollen and uncomfortable. It's given me a real shock as to how delicate it can be when pushed, and got me quite worried. The 'instruction' is to avoid all but the very smallest levels of alcohol for at least 8 weeks and they will retest in 12. So basically I can't fall off the wagon, because if I do, it's probably going to put me in a place where even moderate drinking is a no-no.

It's exactly what I didn't want. I didn't want that pressure to stop, I wanted (and was doing well, and felt in control!!) doing it of my own volition. MAKE me do it and I'll just want to rebel, I'm the same with everything. My agenda, my terms, my way. Now the pressure is there, and I feel so angry. I'm in a shit, irritable mood with everyone and everything. My drinking never caused arguments but my not drinking seems to cause loads.

And yes, some days, most days, have been really easy. I've felt so utterly horrid I don't want a drink. Then on other days, I have wanted one, but because of a change in our routines etc due to my illness I have managed to avoid triggering times and situations. I've been preparing our supper to eat with the kids at 6ish rather than alone later in the eve, which was the time I would drink so that's changed for a start. I've also had to delegate some cooking to DH as I've not been well enough.

So its brilliant news that today I feel loads better than I have for the last 3 weeks? No, its not. Because the craving has started - just thinking about a lovely, cold ,crisp glass of wine with condensation on the side has me salivating. I'm not generally an anxious person either, but obviously use wine as a relaxant, and would to just chill out instead of whittling about (ironically) my liver, my GF, my work reaction to me being off this week, my DH getting on my nerves with his lack of sympathy, etc. I feel like the abstinence, plus the illness, its all a bit too much. Yes, I'm drinking a 'substitute' - zero alcohol lager with a dash of lime seems to cut the thirst, but every mouthful I am aware its a compensation for the thing I really desire, and I can't have.

Sense the resentment? Not good.......!

Evening everyone :)

Decided to post as today is the first day in god knows how long I haven't had a drink :( got so rat arsed last night, I have had the worst hang over today, normally, I'd have hair of the dog to get over it, but I'm starting to worry I'm a bit dependent, just don't know if I'm hung over or if I'm withdrawing a little bit? Suppose just asking the question is worrying enough.

Anyway! Hi!

libertine hi. It's unlikely you're having withdrawal symptoms - at more likely to be a case of just seeing the hangover through. Lots of liquids and sweet things is the usual advice I think. Do you have a plan for not drinking tonight?

Isinde I have a tax spreadsheet I can send you?

DD bath time - back later x

Thanks MsGee yes, plan for tonight is not go to shop as have not one pence til tomorrow, the plan for tomorrow? don't know TBH would love to have a clean week, but haven't done it for so long, don't know if I can.

Hi, sorry not to nc but so so tired but want to keepy place on the bus!
Mouse amazing & moving post. You have achieved so much & so deserve a break.
MA hope you enjoyed your night in the hotel & things ok with your db
Purple hope things getting a little better
Hugs and strength for all babes needing them tonight ((((( xxxx )))))

Mouse you're an inspiration :)

Hey all. Off to the airport later to collect dd1 who is coming home for Dhs birthday on Wednesday. Dd2 arrives back from London tomorrow so it will be a full house, then down to Liverpool for the weekend so DH can go to the footie.
Mum very stressed tonight about bro and all the lying. Found another empty tho he swore blind he didn't have any. Younger bro was up for the weekend and refused to even shake Richard's hand, or acknowledge him then went on and on at mum to kick him out etc.I just don't know whose approach is right. That's my last post on the subject as there is nothing new to say and you must all be sick hearing about it

Just checking in as knackered. 'Lo there lovely babes

ma I don't think you should keep it to yourself, I'm sure that everyone just wishes the best for you and wants to offer a bit of support.