The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Boinging Into Spring, With A Dance And A Sing!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I'm one of the regular travellers on this Bus!

This is a Bus for drinkers, the completely sober, those fighting to stay sober and everyone in between! No matter what, you're welcome here if you feel you don't like the way you drink anymore, or you're worried for someone else.

Take a seat.

You'll be listened to, looked after and maybe (if you're lucky), slapped with our resident Squid, Barry whom I'm sure you'll meet in time!

So, what have you got to lose by posting? What have you got to lose by coming to say hello and telling us why you don't like the way you drink anymore?

And, if you'd like to see where we've been so far HERE IS THE LAST THREAD

And the reason we're ALL here in the first place, the first ever thread is ALL HERE

See you soon xx

ma

hope you are doing okay with your work colleagues.

ma when your post about Richard, it makes me think of the the 'yets'.... the one's that we say to ourselves in the middle of this... like "I don't drink in the morning" yet; "I never drink and drive" "yet; "I'm not an uncontrollable alcoholic" yet; "people don't have to pick me up off the floor with vomit on my face and blood on my head" yet

And I think that many of us read that, and know that we are on a sloping curve, one that leads faster and faster to the kind of place where your brother is. Fortunately many of us have found this thread, or have realised what is happening before the slope gets so steep that we are free falling.... but I guess many of us have also felt very close to the free falling edge.

So I think that these threads are like a little tiny safe ledge, so that somewhere on that slippery sloping slide we can pause, balance on our tippy-toes and rest and take a breath. While we are here we may totter, afraid to look down (because, yes it's fucking scary down there), and we may slither around on the roof-rack, or in the side car, but we're all still clinging on. Not letting going and disappearing into the void.

And many, many, many are clambering back up off this slope to a flatter, safer place. It's like climbing on ice. It's tough and it feels dangerous. It is possible to do alone, but that is so much harder. Together we are like a group of ice-climbers all roped up together and trying to get out of a glacier. Some have safe places near the top and can pull others up behind, some are climbing slowly one step at a time using ice-axes and crampons, and some are sliding and tumbling, but still held eventually by the strong ties that bind us, and no-one is crashing to the bottom. It is a risk. For all of us. If too many people fall off together we risk being pulled down ourselves, but when many of us are climbing together, we cradle the others in our gentle net, and bring them gradually with us.

Onwards and upwards Babes. We ARE all in this together xx

I haven't posted in eons but Venus, what a truly brilliant post. I can totally picture it xx (don't trust me with the beelay quite yet but I'm working on it)

And Ma I'm a serial lurker and I truly wish you, your family and your brother the strength to get through this xxx

Beautiful post venus

I am back from my night out, sober and happy.

ma - I wish I could more than offer you hugs and understanding, but I hope they help. I really feel for Richard. Anyway, tonight I am feeling strong so sending some of my strength your brothers way and hoping it reaches him. I hope he finds whichever version of the bus he needs to get help. xxx

Ah faire yes, sober sex.... (close your ears ma and thurso)

For any of you who are newer to this thread (and I'm terribly, terribly bad at name checking), part of my history was being with a controlling, abusive exh when I had little choice about sex. And alcohol (although it had always featured in my life) became an escape route when sex loomed its very ugly head. So for years and years there was a link with sex and alcohol (nothing unusual there really). So when I met new dp (18 years ago) lots of that pattern continued - NOT the abuse - but the drinking and sex association.

One of my greatest pleasures of being sober is that of the amazing, wonderous, tender, subtle delights of sex. Making a conscious deliberate choice; being in full control of saying 'yes' or 'no'; full awareness of every fleeting, lingering touch; complete appreciation of orgasm. Followed by the sleep of the just.

I compare that with my drunken pawing of poor dp, or my falling into a drunken, snoring stupor halfway through the act , or my desperate attempts to cling on to a residual fading half orgasm.

So, if you're in a happy, healthy relationship with an loving intimate partner, I hope that you too can enjoy and appreciate the wonders of sober-sex. It's another thing that's worth it

and btw, dp is away this week, which is why I'm posting about sober sex rather than doing anything about it

faire: does that cover the topic?

Good evening all Babes,

Ma, so sorry to hear about Richard. Strength to you.

I am sure you are all sleeping the sleep of the just - I am just checking in to gloat about being happy, home and sober after a night out.

I saw a lot of people this evening whom I haven't seen for years, people I used to see a lot, people I used to be fond of, some I am still very fond of. I thought: a lot of people don't change a lot. Some do. Many don't. I also thought: the people here who aren't happy in their lives drink too much. Who can say which is cause and which is effect? At some point I felt a huge physical shaking, like a chill, a massive physical reaction to anxiety or sobriety or both. I just stood there and let it happen and let it pass. I think it was not just about being sober but about being suddenly exposed to a lot of emotion and old feelings. You can drive that stuff underground with booze but you will have to face it eventually, somehow, some day.
My goodness I do love this cup of tea.
Safe home now. Good night all

venus what a wonderful post. Thank you.

I have some wine tonight, but the reason I'm still awake is not the alcohol but that bloody puzzle. From one addiction to another. Ho-hum.

Well done MsGee & Curry that's amazing that you both went out, had a good night & able to come home sober. I don't feel I'm there yet, I can manage at home but going to a social event at night. Its strange as if I was at a social event where there was no alcohol I'm fine, I feel confident & can chat to new people but if it was in the evening & other people are drinking I feel really anxious if I'm not drinking.
Loved the thought of us all helping each other to get to the safe place Venus, think if I could I took you all to the 40th last night I would of felt more able to manage!
I have my neighbours 40th in a few weeks & at the moment I'm thinking of cancelling as don't feel able to manage whole night but maybe in another 3 weeks I will feel more confident?
Morning all babes

Venus that was a great post. And yes the "Yet" thing is so very true!
Thank you all for your continued support for Richard.he hasn't read any of them but they mean such a lot to me and are helping me enormously

Had bottle of wine last night but think sat night going to be too difficult yet. Im going to cheat and skip saturday nights in the count so that makes today day 11. I hope noone minds - either the cheating or the me me me thing! I find it helps to check in and enter new figure each day as I know that although im cheating as above I will never lie about it and it helps keep me on straight and narrow and someday ill manage saturdays as well?

Oooh I like the cheating thing fullofhopelessness, I may do this to as that makes me on day 53! Have only drank twice since Hogmany & both have been Saturdays!
MA thinking of you, your db, your family x

Argh sorry full of hope not hopelessness! On phone not pc

Morning all

Venus what an amazing post, so true about the struggle and how it's easier for all of us if we do it together. It must be awful to fall and have no-one to turn to .

Ma you will be helping Richard so much just by being there. To listen, to talk, to understand that you can't do this for him, but you can help him come to terms with the fact that he has to do this for himself.

full you can count whatever days you like. Whatever feels good to you. I used to count how many drinks I had in a month. So that instead of drinking five times a week, I drank five times a month. It helped me to see that cutting down was working. Now I don't count at all. Posting about yourself is fine too. There will probably be someone else reading and nodding along, thankful that they are not alone

Venus, yes I think that about covered it! My dh was home last night so I wasn't around to post yesterday evening tmi?

Clutter - lol
Faire - thx

morning!!

lovely post venus! MA, just a ((((((hug))))) - i love my brothers very much and i can only imagine your anxiety about yours, please give him love, a strangers love but from the heart none the less!

sober sex! i lurrvvve it! - to my shame i also once behaved towards dh in much the same way as venus describes, not many years ago i actually had to get up, push dh away and go and be sick, all through drink, he was so so hurt at the time, he had realised that i had initiated drunken sex because i was 'sorry' i had got drunk yet again and i associated sex with trying to say sorry like venus though, i find our sex life has become really rather wonderful, i feel a 'real' connection now with dh, love making (sounds naff i know ) has become so much more than just the act iyswim? we laugh, chat, sleep, and just kind of 'be' its lovely!

right, my challenge today i have to go and look at a car with a view to buying it on my own, now, im not some simpering soppy tart but i am finding the the thought a bit daunting, engines are a mystery to me, (i know i like fast ones but after that...hmm) i wont know if it looks 'wrong', i can only go and look at the colour, the leather and see if it 'sounds' right! wish me luck!

could you all stop talking about sex please - you are making me queasy!

Ma just think of MrMouse

< scarpers >

Quick post to say I'm still here and thanks for all the thoughts and mentions Baby, Emin, Curry and Lemony. Just the thought that someone cares enough to post is heartwarming. xxxxx

Aiming for a new day/new start tomorrow - children back to school, no stupid course, house inspection over, less of MIL, no barriers to getting back to the gym. I've promised myself that if I can't get through the week then I'll make another appointment with the Doctors. Finished the Campral but don't know whether I'm using the lack of them as a pathetic 'excuse'. Got an appointment on Wednesday with Alcohol Services. Not looking forward to telling her I've failed - again - but I will. None of this help is any use to me unless I remain honest to those who are trying to help me. At least I've learnt that much.

DC have spent a lot of time at their Dad's so they get returned full of sugar, coke, biscuits and ridiculously late nights - grumpy, argumentative and difficult. ExP finds it easier to say 'Yes' and leave me to be the 'big stick' and have to put my foot down. Bloody hard work being the 'bad guy'.

Joey Thanks for your support. You asked about me 'letting it all out'. Did you mean on here or in RL? I think, on here, I'm as honest as I understand. In RL, I just don't trust anyone (except the Dr and Chrys, Alcohol Services). I guess it's because that's a 'learnt' trait for me. The one friend who knows the most (but not all) about my problem is off to the USA on Wednesday for a year. I'm so sad. Feel a bit like a child being left behind. Stoopid, huh!? xxx

Ma Thinking of Richard and of you and your Mum. Although he's in a really awful place at least he has people who love him and want to help him. You are doing everything possible to help him. Hope you have a bit of a 'Ready Brek' glow to keep you safe from being pulled down? Hugs, lovely, you are a great sister. xxx

Mouse When I win the lottery I'm going to sweep into your life with extra carers, sumptuous holidays, private health care and free you from as many of your struggles as I can. Of all the people I know, you so deserve a break. In the meantime, I just send hugs and love as that's all I have to offer just now. I'm curious, you once wrote that I need to learn to love myself first. You've had such a hard time in life, did you always love yourself or have you had to learn how? If so, how did you do it? Sorry, don't answer if that's too big a question, I just have no idea how to do that. xxx

One thing that's occurred to me is that I'm much better at posting my thoughts/help/anecdotes for other Bus members when I'm feeling strong. Just now, sorry Lovelies, I'm all out of strength.

Hi to all the 'newbies', this is a fab place to be. Use it as a tool to get to where you want to be. xx

(Just re-read my missive and right at the top it says 'quick post'!! - Fail! "Soz lol!" as the 'yoot' of today says!)

just checking in.
Still around still dealing with things unrelated to drinking.
Love to all

Hello people

Love and strength to those of you who need it, congrats to those doing well

I thought I'd update in case it would be helpful for anyone thinking of going down the route I'm on.

I did my detox (at home) last week. Spent most of the week a bit like a zombie whilst taking Librium but managed to work without anyone noticing, or being too polite to mention it possibly . Started the Antabuse on Friday night.

During the detox I didn't think much about drinking at all, mostly because I was in a daze I think and really didn't need anything else to dampen down emotions, and perhaps there was more of a physical addiction than I realised even though I wasn't (and have never been) a daily drinker. I was worrying about the urges coming back when the librium stopped and the antabuse started and I know it's early days but it's like my head has been freed from the prison it's been in for longer than I care to remember In the last 48hrs every time a little thought of drinking has come into my head it has been immediately dismissed because I know it's not even an option, it's wonderful!

The only downside so far is that I have to be very careful now about everything and anything that I use and make sure there's no alcohol content. I don't mind this too much but last night I forgot to read the ingredients on the baby wipes that I use to take off my make up and having read them this morning (alcohol in baby wipes, who knew?!) I think they may have been the cause of my crashing headache at 4am Still, if this is a little warning about what it would feel like if I had a drink then I suppose it's a good thing Urgh, it was was awful. Maybe it was a coincidence but even so I won't be using them again.

Happy days for me at the moment, so far it's like having a holiday from my own brain

Hope you're all having a good day x

Hi lovely babes

venus I loved your post, both of them. When I used to lurk on here,up to my eyes in the waters of the Nile, you said something that made me stop and think, it was just something about eating healthily and then pouring a load of booze down your neck, which was exactly what I was doing. I've never bothered to say thank you because I'm an idiot and I'm in awe of babes who stay sober. Ta love x

Sober sex? Beginning to like it. Probably wasn't much fun for dh spending time with a pissed up missus. He never complained though.

every time a little thought of drinking has come into my head it has been immediately dismissed because I know it's not even an option, it's wonderful

That's the key Need

If you know for sure that you're not going to drink, the desire to drink just goes away. That's my experience anyway. It's only when I start to consider having a drink that I want one. That's why I make the decision in the morning

rural good to hear from you, keep safe and please post when you can.

need I'm so pleased for you. That fog has lifted and your mind is free, bet you don't ever want to go back to dulling your mind with drink? You've done the right thing for you and it's great to hear that you're happy. Better things to come too.

purple You really did have a lot on your plate, didn't you? Glad to hear that things are improving, Nice new start to the week. look after your self, lovely.

Well done all you lovely babes who abstained this week /last night/ drank less/ tried harder whatever.

jwn afraid that my knowledge of cars is limited to how much I like the colour but I bet that the wisdom of mn could give you a few tips. Have you done any gardening? I'm not going out there until it warms up a bit.