It's possible that I've been reading the relationships board for too long, but would you think this was odd?

[ScentedNappyHag]

DH has gone to a friends house for a gathering this evening, told me he'd probably be dropped home in the morning or at the very least about 4am.
I've just received a text saying 'Hi baby, I'm at [friend's name]'s, see you soon xx'.

It just rings wrong to me (referring to the 'see you soon', as obviously I won't be seeing him soon IYSWIM), would it cross your mind he'd sent it to you by mistake?
Our relationship hasn't been great recently, but I've had no reason to think he might be cheating. The message just seems... Odd.
I don't want to accuse anything in case I'm batshit but felt like MN was the place to come.

He's in IT, I doubt even if I did snoop that I'd find anything! I don't really feel the need to snoop either, if his behaviour doesn't improve pretty sharpish then I'll be gone anyway- OW or not.

Could he have read your thread?

"DH has informed me that he's going to be making some changes that he hopes I will notice and see as positive, but doesn't want to discuss what they will be."

Well, that could mean anything, couldn't it!

It sounds very cryptic. What's he usually like, OP?

It's possible I suppose Frequent, I've never really taken pains to hide my screen name, but he's never shown much of an interest in my MNing either. Although, I'd imagine he'd confront me about the thread angrily rather than attempt to make me think he wanted to change.
I just don't know, it's very strange timing.

In a way it does not matter. You have written what you think.

Maybe NC going forward if you want privacy.

This is the behaviour of a Guilty Man

He realised he fucked up by sending a text to you that was meant for someone else

he came home early to see how the land lay (probably at the behest of the person the text was really meant for)

he was initially silent and withdrawn to see if you had found your balls or was going to let it go

you have let it go, so he thinks he's on the home run but is being Mr Nice Guy just to make sure and so you won't question him further

this guff about "making changes" he won't even discuss is bollocks...it's to make you STFU so that even if you do try to complain he will see "but i am doing X, Y or Z..." (X, Y or Z could be any number of things he can bring out to suit the situation)

the best outcome I see here, is that he has had a wake-up call and decided he needs to stop doing whatever he has been doing

now...some women would move on from that and never want to know anything more, in the manner of "what i don't know can't hurt me"

are you one of those women ? It is certainly a lifestyle choice for some people. Or will it eat away at you ?

I got a text from my DP saying "did u hav ur pizza bbz?'

He did manage to talk his way out of that one

Tried to tell me it's a joke blah blah but the point is, you know instantly when something isn't right.

Trust your instinct.

the opposite outcome of course, is he lays low for a while and re starts whatever it was in a little while

having lost a little bit more respect for you, of course

and on it goes...

have you decided against you "last chance" talk ?

*your

No, I'm still working out exactly what I want to get across by having this talk, it's definitely something I need to do. By no means am I letting this go, I'm just wanting to do things at my own pace and not rush in and potentially make things harder to deal with in the future.
At the end of the day, we have a child together, and I need to make sure that no matter what happens, we can get along well enough for her life to not be disrupted anymore than it has to.
I know I must sound desperately naive to most of you

You sound more frightened about rocking the boat than naive

Everything that AF is saying is true. And you do need to hear it. Its harsh and you probably feel a bit like putting your fingers in your ears and shouting lalala but at some point you will hear what shes saying and it will make sense.

Take your time. Build your courage. No one thinks badly of you for not running straight to him for a huge row. It will take time to get your thoughts together.

But this guy isnt making you happy. Hes up to something. Your life doesnt have to be spent living in doubt or treading on eggshells. You can do this.

love, do you understand what I am saying ? I am saying your "last chance" talk is a waste of time, because you have been outmanoevred. Again.

Now when you have this talk, he will say "I am already doing X, Y and Z like I told you I would"

Your comeback to that ? Well, you don't really have one other than "it's not good enough, and I don't trust your motivation one little bit"

My best advice to you is get off the merry go round.

Or confront him with irrefutable evidence of wrong doing , then kick him into touch.
Is he conjoined to his mobile ?

Is he selling the pc because he's worried he hasn't covered his tracks well enough?

Something has clearly happened.

Selling the PC is quite odd, especially if (as I am assuming) he only games on the PC and not on, say, an Xbox. That's quite something, to go from being a dedicated gamer to not playing at all. Does he also have laptop/iPad etc to communicate on?

But if he's not going to discuss this change of heart with you, you won't know what to think, will you? Even if we put the kindest interpretation on this and conclude that he has realised his number's up and he'd better reform, he's still not making it easy to see him in a good light by being so uncommunicative about it.

Maybe it suits him that you won't know what to think.

Or is he selling the PC to try to cut you off from possible sources of advice or communication ?

Internet access makes it a lot easier to find out about your rights, stay in contact with friends and family, get in touch with solicitors, do basic things like online shopping and banking, research places to move to - all trickier when you have to trek round with a small child to do them.

If he says it's to cut down on gaming , then he can sell the games or stop his online subscriptions.

Is the pc he is getting shut of your only method of getting on t'internet ?

Here's me laying down my possibly totally wrong thing that's popped into my head again; PC games have chats too. One can join a team (I'm sure you know this, OP) and privately chat alongside/during the game play. Maybe he's met someone on a game, been seeing them, got a shock last night at his 'clumsiness' with that text. He didn't turn up at her house last night, as promised, been fleetingly dumped and is panicking - and you only have to look at the 'help me I'm trying to stop seeing someone I shouldn't!' threads to know how loopy that makes people.

Basically, I agree that selling the PC is v suspicious and, frankly, a fight or flight response to a fuck up.

sounds like he is shittin himself he may be discovered hence the selling of his pc.

If he works in IT then he probably IS reading your thread and getting info on what you are thinking hence the change in attitude - sat reading it while you were in bed possibly.

I would listen to AF.

I'm guessing selling the PC is one of the changes 'he hopes you will notice' and 'see as positive'.

What a load of old bull that he is intending to do these things, but won't discuss what they are with you. The blindingly obvious reason for that is so that you can't call him on a single thing when he inevitably doesn't do them. But it sounds like he's making a massive effort, without having to do anything.

Please reassure us that you have other means to access the Internet, than just the PC.

What I mean is - the selling of the PC is highly suspicious, and he's trying to cover his tracks AND make himself look like the good guy by putting the 'positive changes' spin on it...