Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

It's possible that I've been reading the relationships board for too long, but would you think this was odd?

193 replies

ScentedNappyHag · 15/02/2013 17:00

DH has gone to a friends house for a gathering this evening, told me he'd probably be dropped home in the morning or at the very least about 4am.
I've just received a text saying 'Hi baby, I'm at [friend's name]'s, see you soon xx'.

It just rings wrong to me (referring to the 'see you soon', as obviously I won't be seeing him soon IYSWIM), would it cross your mind he'd sent it to you by mistake?
Our relationship hasn't been great recently, but I've had no reason to think he might be cheating. The message just seems... Odd.
I don't want to accuse anything in case I'm batshit but felt like MN was the place to come.

OP posts:
Original poster
ScentedNappyHag · 15/02/2013 17:26

No, he wouldn't normally text me to let me know he had arrived somewhere. Another reason it just felt weird when I read it.
I can't work out whether it's my instincts that should be listened to, or just a dose of the sad and insecures that should be buried in a glass of wine.
I wasn't invited as they aren't my friends, and I never am. I've met them all a couple
Of time and didn't get the impression they disliked me, but I'm just not one of their crowd I guess.
They range in age from 25-38 ish I think?

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 15/02/2013 17:27

If it feels 'wrong' it probably is.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 15/02/2013 17:28

You walk on egg shell and he never wants to spend time with you and he's nasty to you. That in itself would be enought to ring big alarm bells, I'm afraid. And, before I'd read that, yes, I would think the original text was a bit odd Sad

wannabedomesticgoddess · 15/02/2013 17:28

The nastiness and not wanting to spend time with you is so horrible. Have you thought about leaving him?

AmberLeaf · 15/02/2013 17:29

If that happened to me I would think it was not meant to be sent to me.

AmberLeaf · 15/02/2013 17:30

Yes to what others are saying about he is treating you generally as well.

Original poster
ScentedNappyHag · 15/02/2013 17:30

Not all males, and I don't know his friend's Dp well enough to invite her over. I don't even have any of their numbers or the address.

anyfucker I've been thinking very much about this lately and planning a sit down to explain how he's making me unhappy and to give him one last chance to sort it. I really respect your opinion as a poster, I tend to agree with you 9 times out of 10, I'm not ignoring the issue Smile I just thought it was worth a last ditch attempt to get him to stop taking me for granted.

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 15/02/2013 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 15/02/2013 17:32

Do you spend much time feeling sad and insecure with your nose in a wine glass?

Relationships aren't meant to be like that

Sugarice · 15/02/2013 17:34

The text is odd and I would feel twitchy about it too.

He sounds unpleasant, sorry Scented.

AnyFucker · 15/02/2013 17:34

You are giving him one last chance ?

It's not going so well.....

AmberLeaf · 15/02/2013 17:34

How long has he been in this group of friends?

Has he purposefully excluded you from the group then?

Sugarice · 15/02/2013 17:35

Sorry if I've missed it, is this an all male gathering or are women there too?

NobbyClark · 15/02/2013 17:35

Could that be a way in then, say that you were worried about the text and how you then realised that things were not ideal and that you feel really sad about how things?

MadBusLady · 15/02/2013 17:36

I've not read your other threads, so don't know whether he deserves "one last chance" or not. But I think if you had that sit down chat tomorrow, his response would tell you quite a lot.

Original poster
ScentedNappyHag · 15/02/2013 17:36

Amberleaf he hasn't excluded me as such, but they are all gamers and I am not, so I doubt it would occur to him to invite me anyway.
He's been friends with them for about a year since he started his current job.

OP posts:
AvonCallingBarksdale · 15/02/2013 17:38

OP, you said he works nights - is that all the time? Does he want to spend his weekends with you? What would happen if you suggested that the two of you went out together on a Friday night?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 15/02/2013 17:40

I think that text was not meant for you.

It is warm, affectionate and doesn't match with how you said he was speaking to you yesterday (on the disappointing Valentines thread).

But yes, you shouldn't be with someone who has you on eggshells because of nastiness.

Original poster
ScentedNappyHag · 15/02/2013 17:41

Yes it's permanent nights avon.
If I suggested a night out, he'd be 'too tired'. He spends time at home on his pc, and considers us spending time together of he deigns to watch tv in the same room as me.
If I tell him that I feel we don't spend enough time together, I get 'well come up with something better to do then.'.

OP posts:
PragmaticWench · 15/02/2013 17:44

OP, it sounds as though you could find something better to do than spend time with him; he sounds mean!

Hoaz · 15/02/2013 17:44

Everything's obviously not good, but could his awful behaviour be more to do with a gaming addiction than unfaithfulness? i.e he doesn't want to do anything except play.

Why was his regular gathering moved to the evening this week? Why are all his colleagues able to meet tonight if they usually do it during the day because of nightshifts?

Inertia · 15/02/2013 17:45

He's not sounding like much of a partner to be honest- sorry.

MadBusLady · 15/02/2013 17:45

How long has the unpleasantness/distancing been going on? Within the last year or has he always been a bit like that? Sad

AvonCallingBarksdale · 15/02/2013 17:45

Hmmm. Too tired to go out with you (and, yes, I know night work can be life-sapping), but not too tired to spend a day/evening gaming with his friends? Do you want to be with this man? Sorry if this is a bit stalkerish odd, but I just looked at your profile and what a gorgeous picture of you! You look like a young Cyndi Lauper, full of life. I can't help but feel Sad at the thought of you tip-toeing round someone who quite possibly is not worthy of your affections.

fluffyraggies · 15/02/2013 17:47

:(

I never ever post with 'i'd be suspicious'. There are always plenty of wise MNers who know what they are talking about and give good advice.

But, scented, when i read your OP and your replies about your H, i felt i had to say i'd be worried too. I'm sorry.

It sounds as if you deserve much much better than the way he is treating you. Have you a friend you can call on this evening?

Swipe left for the next trending thread