Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Missing condoms

288 replies

calidadsuprema · 25/01/2013 23:52

Hi - namechanged for this.

DP and I have been together almost 3 years. We moved in together a few months ago.

Over the festive break I was looking in the medicine drawer for a sticking plaster and came across about 4 condoms tucked in a paracetomol box. We don't use condoms. Date on them was 2014. I assumed DP might have had them since before we met so said nothing at the time.

Fast forward to tonight - my DD felt unwell so I went to medicine drawer for Calpol sachets. For some reason I remembered the condoms and had a look for them. They are missing. DP is 3 days into a 10 day overseas work trip 8 hours time zone ahead. He doesn't usually travel overseas with work. I have put 2 and 2 together and don't like what I am thinking.....I sent a text about half an hour ago to tell him what I have found, saying that it does not look good from where I am standing.

OP posts:
lougle · 29/01/2013 09:30

So your DP usually puts things in odd places to keep them neat. You openly saw the condoms in the festive season and weren't bothered about them then. They're gone now, along with the paracetamol.

Your DP admits that he's taken them, along with the paracetamol.

Why are you entertaining the notion that he's cheating? He's given you a perfectly normal response.

If you aren't careful, you'll have a bunch of strangers ruining your relationship.

I never open the paracetamol box to check if they are in there, btw. I simply shake it as I take it out the box. If he shook the box, he would have heard that there was paracetamol in there.

carmenelectra · 29/01/2013 09:55

I can't believe that there are some people that think Op's dp took the condoms for a wank! I'm more inclined to believe that he took them by accident than the minute chance it was for a clean wank. If he did take em for a wank why didn't he take tell the OP??

As for men needing condoms for a wank because of the 'aftermath' , as one poster put it. Well, aftermath is a bit of a strong word. As another poster said its only a couple of teaspoons!I doubt many men actuaLly feel the need to contain it in a condom. I imagine most men find a tissue does the job just fine.

I do wonder about these women who claim to know men who use condoms for wanks either have very 0CD husbands or they are getting the wool pulled over their eyes.

IrnBruTheNoo · 29/01/2013 10:04

carmen you're making me LOL now. DH does the deed with myself only (doubt he'd be wanting to do it with hairy blokes that he works with for 12hrs each shift!). And he does the posh wank thing also, because he produces bucketloads of the stuff, it's more convenient to contain it in a condom than wipe it off a hairy chest, neck, and goodness knows what else (it has been known to hit the wall).

Plenty condoms to be had at any FPC if you walk in and ask for some, it doesn't cost you anything! Buying the tissues is actually more expensive because you've got to pay for them yourself Wink

PeppermintPasty · 29/01/2013 10:05

At the risk of turning into one of those people who appear on particular threads banging a particular drum....my very non OCD dp has occasionally wanked into a condom, so I know it is done. He would never call it a posh wank tho, and it would arise as a result of him being too lazy to get up and get some loo roll from the bathroom. The condoms are by the bed (in a drawer I might add). He's never done this in front of me, I just, you know, know.

I appear to be a posh wank apologist.

PeppermintPasty · 29/01/2013 10:06

Now IrnBru, you're just making me feel a little queasy......

carmenelectra · 29/01/2013 10:15

irnbru, is it actually bucketloads?:)could he fill a bucket? I think its probably the same amount, roughly as any other man, just spurting a bit forcefully!

I still don't get men choosing to use a condom! It wouldn't feel quite as nice. And as I said previously, for sex its different for protection. But a wank?!!

AnyFucker · 29/01/2013 10:15

IrnBru I think your DH should consult a doctor. That doesn't sound normal. He may me suffering from megaspunkitis

A worrying syndrome (especially for the wallpaper) and despite lots of controversy, it really exists just in your head

carmenelectra · 29/01/2013 10:17

Lol at anyfucker.

SueFawley · 29/01/2013 10:26

AF thanks for that, I needed the laugh this morning. Smile

Numberlock · 29/01/2013 10:37

With reference to all these ultra-sensitive men who can't handle a bit of spunk anywhere on their persons, one assumes they never ask their partners if they can cum on their face/tits etc or invite them to swallow aforementioned fluid? Hmmm.

carmenelectra · 29/01/2013 10:43

Absolutely numberlock. I'm guessing they positively hate it. Yeah right.

They probably cover their partners with a towel beforehand. In the case of irnbru I think her dh must lay out a groundsheet.

With these men, I don't think swallowing is an option due to choking hazard.

SueFawley · 29/01/2013 11:12

Reminds me of someone who told his DP she was 'too wet' that night and it made him feel like he needed to go and wash his cock, then in the next breath asked for uncovered anal

IrnBruTheNoo · 29/01/2013 11:46

"With these men, I don't think swallowing is an option due to choking hazard."

It really would be a choking hazard, I kid you not! Wink

And thank you for this thread, it's made me LOL so many times since I opened it originally the other day. What a hoot! Sorry OP, I know it's digressed a bit from your worries. I hope that it really is just a posh wank for your sake, really. I hope your DP really is not being unfaithful. I just wanted you to know that there are actually men out there who prefer to use a condom for wanking rather than clearing up the mess with several tissues (or a whole bog roll).

carmenelectra · 29/01/2013 11:51

irnbru. I think we need a separate thread for posters whose dhs actually have 'posh wanks' to come forward and fess up. I wanna see exactly how much of a phenomenen this is.:)

IrnBruTheNoo · 29/01/2013 11:56

go for it carmen :) not all men will want to admit to it though! or they may keep it secret. DH and myself have always been open about every little bit of our sex lives. Not all couples are like that!

AnyFucker · 29/01/2013 12:02

I think we had a thread once, about posh wanks. I don't remember the outcome. It might have been a bit of a bunfight, however

Irn fair play to you. You have taken on board (or more likely ignored) my sarcasm with aplomb. Have some Thanks Smile

Numberlock · 29/01/2013 12:04

I looked up posh wanks in urban dictionary. It lists - wanking into a condom or getting your butler to do it. Grin

SueFawley · 29/01/2013 12:07

arf at butler Grin

AgathaF · 29/01/2013 12:09

Do the men who indulge in posh wanking to avoid mess not feel the need to get up and wash the smell of condoms off their hands before they roll over and go to sleep?

IrnBru - the picture you paint of your dick-waving, megaspunk-producing DH, with said spunk dripping off his hairy back, chest and probably hairy bedroom walls, is awesome.

OP I really hope this is something innocent.

BelaLugosisShed · 29/01/2013 12:14

"women don't have the same aftermath than men do when pleasuring themselves, snazzy. "
I imagine if it were measured, female sex fluids would be considerably more in volume than most mens' output, I know I make a far bigger wet patch than DH Wink
I've seen women on here say they have to put towels down.

carmenelectra · 29/01/2013 12:24

agatha I agree. I think most men would still want a wipe after using a condom, however it was used. And yes God, irnbru's dh is all man. Imagine the gloopy bedroom if there weren't any condoms.

Bela. Yuck :)

IrnBruTheNoo · 29/01/2013 12:47

AnyFucker it's all in good jest :)

IrnBruTheNoo · 29/01/2013 12:47

"getting your butler to do it."

haha, will have to approach DH about this tonight!!

IrnBruTheNoo · 29/01/2013 12:48

Bela you're no' painting a good picture there at all...

IrnBruTheNoo · 29/01/2013 12:50

We've started using condoms more now than ever before and I must admit the smell of the latex is horrendous after DTD. There's that latex smell that lingers in the bedroom for ages afterwards. Welcome to my latex boudoir!