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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Missing condoms

288 replies

calidadsuprema · 25/01/2013 23:52

Hi - namechanged for this.

DP and I have been together almost 3 years. We moved in together a few months ago.

Over the festive break I was looking in the medicine drawer for a sticking plaster and came across about 4 condoms tucked in a paracetomol box. We don't use condoms. Date on them was 2014. I assumed DP might have had them since before we met so said nothing at the time.

Fast forward to tonight - my DD felt unwell so I went to medicine drawer for Calpol sachets. For some reason I remembered the condoms and had a look for them. They are missing. DP is 3 days into a 10 day overseas work trip 8 hours time zone ahead. He doesn't usually travel overseas with work. I have put 2 and 2 together and don't like what I am thinking.....I sent a text about half an hour ago to tell him what I have found, saying that it does not look good from where I am standing.

OP posts:
Fidelia · 03/02/2013 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kalidanger · 03/02/2013 13:30

"Oh, I just chucked them away" isn't helpful either but I guess you can tell by his air

abbyfromoz · 03/02/2013 14:01

Tell him you believe him- if he's decided to lie then so be it- you will not find out from him. Next step is to make him believe you don't suspect but find out for yourself. Guys tend to brag..emails? Also Phone bills against call log? Also you will know if you remember what the condoms look like if they are the original ones he took. I know it 's important to show that you trust him but women have intuition so trust it, but allow to be proved wrong.

fluffyraggies · 03/02/2013 14:26

Thinking of you calidad. Strength to you for tonight.

sarahseashell · 03/02/2013 15:37

hope it goes well for you tonight calidad. Trust your instincts, they'll always serve you well.

Abitwobblynow · 03/02/2013 18:25

Good luck Cal. Trust your gut. I ignored mine hugely.

TheSecretCervixDNCOP · 03/02/2013 18:47

My DP wanks into a condom as less mess! Thought most blokes do this. I think Anyfucker is way out of line saying it is made up by cheaters to get away with it. Tar and brush, Anyfucker?!!

TheSecretCervixDNCOP · 03/02/2013 18:48

Sorry just felt I had to add that as it was another case of what Anyfucker says must be true! Hmm

BluelightsAndSirens · 03/02/2013 18:53

Good luck this evening

VoiceofUnreason · 03/02/2013 19:10

I still find it astonishing any man says he wanks off into a condom. I never heard about "posh wanks" until I came on mumsnet and having discussed it with plenty of mates, not one of them had ever heard of it or considered it. It's what tissues and loo roll are for. I've never read about it in FHM, and if they've never mentioned it, then the % of men who do this must be very small indeed.

I'm not saying AF is right, but strikes me that it's a good excuse for a guy to have condoms around and to explain them away to their wives or girlfriends.

MidnightMasquerader · 03/02/2013 20:09

I have to admit, I asked DH about it, and he just looked confused. He said he supposed it might be something teenage boys might try for a different sensation, but once tried, once forgotten.

I have to say - and just my perception, clearly - there is something ever so slightly, um, 'neat' about the idea of a man preferring to wank into a condom, that is ever so off-putting... Hmm Grin I'm imagining a man who folds his trousers up and carefully puts them away before sex.

AnyFucker · 03/02/2013 20:13

oh do shut up, secretcervix

stop trying to pick a fight on a support thread...it makes you look like an arsehole

cali....good luck x

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub · 03/02/2013 20:29

I wish we could stop talking about posh wanks as the man in question has never proffered that as an explanation.

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub · 03/02/2013 20:30

I hope it goes OK tonight OP.

Tomorrowslookingfine · 03/02/2013 20:54

Any update op?

MidnightMasquerader · 03/02/2013 21:05

You're right Doctrine, sorry.

Good luck tonight Cali. x

Original poster
calidadsuprema · 03/02/2013 23:20

He is back home. His flight was delayed and he had been awake for 24 hrs when he got in. Was v pleased to see DD and I..gave presents etc. DD went to bed then DP had a shower and went to bed...now sleeping like a baby. Not a word yet on the condoms as DD (mine, not his) was still up to greet him...tbh I think he's hoping I wont bring it up...but I will raise it tomorrow night when DD is out at an activity..he is not getting away with it.

OP posts:
Original poster
calidadsuprema · 03/02/2013 23:32

He is asleep. His washbag from the trip was in our bathroom. I checked through it and there are blister packs of paracetomol and ibuprofen but no boxes and no fucking condoms......

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 03/02/2013 23:34

He will tell you he simply threw them away because he had no need for them.

That may/may not be true, and you have no way of knowing.

What a fucking horrible situation you have here Sad

calmlychaotic · 03/02/2013 23:40

it doesn't necessarily mean anything, he opened paracetamol packet realised they where in there thought well I don't need them and threw them in the bin. if he's cheating it's easy enough to buy them elsewhere anyway.

BluelightsAndSirens · 03/02/2013 23:43

Will you believe him when he tells you he threw them away once he realised they were in the box instead of paracetamol?

Do you have any other reason/evidence not to believe this to be an unfortunate accident can you get hold of his phone/go through his bags whilst he is sleeping?

Allthenamesiwantaretaken · 03/02/2013 23:48

Just to say, if I had been in his shoes I would have thrown them away, I would not have put them back in the packet. I am distrusting at the best of times, but in this case I really think it's far far from conclusive that he has done anything wrong. I probably wouldn't bring it up with him now, I would just be on high alert going forward.

Mosman · 03/02/2013 23:49

You need more than this to determine any wrong doing.
What's his body language telling you ? My DH lied about something years ago and I just knew. What does your gut instinct tell you ?

LittleEdie · 03/02/2013 23:50

Having old condoms kicking about in the bathroom is no big deal. Whether he still has them or not is a red herring. All that matters is - do you believe that he took them away by mistake?

BagCat · 03/02/2013 23:53

Wow, the plot thickens! His face/your gut instinct will tell you the truth.

Good luck.

PS: As an aside, my DH says posh wanking doesn't exist and is horseshit. He reckons most men don't love the (lack of) sensation of condoms enough to go to all the extra bother of putting one on for a wank when simple toilet roll will suffice, be quicker and not stink of rubber. (just saying - it's only another opinion into the mix)