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Original poster

This is.. the dating chat thread, number 38

999 replies

lubeybooby · 25/01/2013 15:38

All dating related chit chat, as usual... in here

off we go! :o

OP posts:
Scrazy · 31/01/2013 11:12

I was out last night at a friends drinking white wine and eating Oreo Dairy Milk. When I got back I had on overwhelming urge to text the ex. I didn't I quickly posted on here then made a total faux pax (sp) and asked a guy I've been chatting to on POF to meet for a coffee!!!! I've broken my own rule, that if they want to meet they will ask you, and guess what? He has ignored me Blush.

Lubey, gulp. I am pleased you have arranged this meeting.

Flipper are you and Mr Walking in a relationship or is more I will support you with the parenting thing. Either way huge congratulations.

Original poster
lubeybooby · 31/01/2013 11:13

Kirsty here it is

Oh watch, good luck!

OP posts:
Original poster
lubeybooby · 31/01/2013 11:45

Scrazy he can't make it to meet on Saturday. Could do with some pointers re: a text answer to him on the other thread. Oh gawd oh gawd.

OP posts:
hoplittlebunnyhophophop · 31/01/2013 12:05

Four dates in now with Mr Full On... In contrast to his nickname, he hasn't behaved in a 'full on' way at all since the messages following the first date. This is good, or at least more appropriate.

But his behaviour is incredibly difficult to read. He wants to see me, initiates visits to his/mine (so not even dates I suppose - but in my crap attempts at being aloof I seem to offend him a bit when he has text in the evenings to clarify arrangements, I have been unsure whether anything is definitely going ahead and my response has been 'oh, right ok, are we meeting?' And eventually have ended up having a drink at mine or his).

No mention since the texts following the first date, either via text message or face to face, of anything re how he feels. Not that I would expect such a conversation, but he's just giving absolutely nothing away. But sleeping with me. Which leads me to think that he's probably just after sex. But not of all his actions/behaviour indicate that that's what it is either...He's said that the long break between ex and sleeping with someone else (me) was his choice and isn't inclined to just sleep with anyone, proudly showing me work he's doing to his house, what he is going to do with it in the future etc.

I would appreciate any opinions/perspective on this, also realise I have just written a load of ramble and nonsense!!!

Scrazy · 31/01/2013 12:16

Hop, hmm it doesn't seem like he's making much of an effort. Probably thinks that he doesn't need to as it's started off without iyswim. What do you want? Do you want him to be taking you out, declaring undying love, or are you happy with a more casual relationship.

You can of course, just ask him. I know we are told not too, but that can be like playing into their hands, and you could end up wasting time with someone who doesn't want a long term commitment.

OhWesternWind · 31/01/2013 12:20

Bunny if you're up to it, it's probably best to ask him now where you stand with him and what sort of relationship he's looking for. If the answers aren't what you want, you're not in too deep at this stage and it won't cause massive heartbreak if you decide he's not for you.

Do you actually go out at all? Might be a good idea to get back to dating/going out if that's the type of relationship that you want, and you can always go back to his or yours later on.

Actually, reading that back, the first thing is to be sure in yourself what you want from him, then the other things can follow from that. And what you want can well change over time, as things develop.

Good luck.

hoplittlebunnyhophophop · 31/01/2013 12:30

Thank you scrazy and OWW. I do want to ask, but I am a bit worried that then I will sound quite full on as I have only known him for such a short amount of time. It's not that I want anything more serious than dates with him at this stage and I don't want him to think that I do, but I don't want him to think that he can just use me for sex if, in his mind, he is just leading me on.

I'm finding it really hard to explain what it is that I want! I'm happy to see him at his house or mine, it's not that I want to be wined and dined. I'm definitely happy to have sex with him. I don't want a relationship with at this stage. But if he just wants sex, and that is all it is about for him, I'd rather not be used.

48howdidthathappen · 31/01/2013 12:33

So much going on!

Lubey Sounds like TT is a grown up Smile

I have been over Mr R&Rs since yesterday afternoon. He has flu, not man flu just regular flu. Still managed a little shagging Blush No sex induced headache. Phew!

Scattylatte · 31/01/2013 12:35

bunny He may be thinking you just want sex as well. Ive been in a situation whereby in my efforts at being cool I have come across as quite hard and just after one thing, which wasnt the case. You could try saying the next time you arrange to meet that you go for drink, meet in public etc and see how that goes. He could be using you for sex. If thats not what you want, as soon as you know then you can decide what to do...and thats liberating.

antonym · 31/01/2013 12:49

Scrazy if they want to meet you they will be seriously flattered that you asked them first. If they don't as in this case, you have saved time and perhaps emotional investment by asking and being ignored. So I'd ignore that rule if I were you.

48howdidthathappen · 31/01/2013 12:53

What has happened to Watch?

Original poster
lubeybooby · 31/01/2013 12:54

48 yes he is a grown up. And so very British and polite - he keeps apologising! I'd find it amusing in a 'laughing at inappropriate times' kind of way if I didn't feel so sorry for him finding out at work.

OP posts:
ike1 · 31/01/2013 13:01

Yeah Lubes crikey,,,I doubt he expected this turn of events when he was taking his morning dump before work....

Original poster
lubeybooby · 31/01/2013 13:15

ike no I expect not!

and yes Watch.. where are you?

OP posts:
JoylessFucker · 31/01/2013 13:24

ike you made me quite literally LOL then Grin Grin Grin

Another one wondering about watch, 'twas a very early date indeed. I' assuming its either going really well and is still going, or was so bad she's gone off to do something more interesting instead.

Original poster
lubeybooby · 31/01/2013 13:29

Joyless those are my assumptions too... oooh I hope it was good though..

OP posts:
watchoutforthatsnail · 31/01/2013 13:53

I have online dated for about 3.5 years. I must have had about 70 dates. I thought the spark didnt exisit.

I was wrong.

There was fireworks.

BIG, BIG fireworks.
HUGE.

Im in a bit of a state over it to be honest, fancied him the second i laid eyes on him ( and he was earlier than me, so i saw him from afar) He clearly fancied me as soon as he saw me. The sexual tension in the coffee shop was kind of unberable. We left and ended up kissing in the street. For ages. Big, full on kissing. There was fireworks, stomach flips, the lot. He was like ' wow' and i was just too dazed to speak. We then snogged, groped, licked,stroked our way around a few shops, before being thrown out of hmv.
Ended up in the park, where we got moved on too. Idid not take him home. He had to go and was like ' my god, i dont want to leave' i didnt want him to leave. I wish i was still there now. Hands were held, shoulders were nuzzled into and things were whispered in ears....

We had already arranged our second date before we met up today. Im hoping that still stands.

but yeah. Kind of blown away. had to go for a short drive to clear my head because im just a bit overwhelmed.

watchoutforthatsnail · 31/01/2013 13:58

hes just perfect. deliciously scruffy, so so so funny, clever, same sense of humour. totally into the same stuff, polite, on the same wavelenght ( which doesnt happen often)

it was like ive known him for ages..... it was just great.

Im seeing him tomorrow evening...

48howdidthathappen · 31/01/2013 13:59

Yay! For fireworks. Sounds bloody fantastic watch Grin

watchoutforthatsnail · 31/01/2013 14:05

it was more than fantastic. it was just amazing.
I licked his face in the yankee candle shop.
i couldnt help it.

Scrazy · 31/01/2013 14:05

That sounds great Watch, so pleased for you. It has restored my faith.

Ant, yes I can see that I might have saved wasting my time.

Hop, I think the word you are looking for is 'respect'. I read somewhere that if you have to spell it out to someone that you want 'respect' then it's a waste of time.

My recent ex, when I protested at his casual treatment of me (with other women) kept saying but you want 'more'. It wasn't more of him that I wanted, was happy speaking to him everyday but only seeing him once or twice a week. I have my own life, but 'more' meant respect for our relationship that he couldn't give so he was out.

MirandaWest · 31/01/2013 14:08

Yay watch Grin

Original poster
lubeybooby · 31/01/2013 14:12

Wow blimey watch! Brilliant! Hope date 2 is just as firework filled

OP posts:
JulietteMontague · 31/01/2013 14:17

Lubeypresumablyverybooby are you ok with the on line thing, is face to face an option, given the circumstances? He is indeed being straight up about it so that's a good sign, you absolutely have to ask about the disability thing though, as someone else said you won't know if that is even a consideration until you have all the facts.

Watch Wow!!! snogging first thing in the morning, you were one of those couples Grin another result! we need hourly updates now as to progress towards date 2

Scazy nothing lost at all except the time you'd have wasted talking to him.

Hop are you content with just going to each other's houses? I personally avoid that as otherwise it does kind of set it up as a no effort sex date which actually sounds quite appealing now I've said it. It really just depends on what you want so yes, talk to him.

watchoutforthatsnail · 31/01/2013 14:21

juliette, date two was meant to be on sat, its now tomorrow evening. he did just offer to take the whole day off to be with me though.

Yes, i was one of those couples. snogging, hair grabbing and wandering hands. in middle of the road. before 11am. shameless
absolutley shamless.
:)

hes just hot as hell.