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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

This is.. the dating chat thread, number 38

999 replies

lubeybooby · 25/01/2013 15:38

All dating related chit chat, as usual... in here

off we go! :o

OP posts:

Report

OhWesternWind · 02/02/2013 10:30

I would warn him Nora then it won't be an unexpected last minute cancellation if you do feel ill - that always looks a bit suspicious I think, like you've just got cold feet. Are you feeling alright in yourself?

Problems occurring with LM's ex. She's not behaving very well. I really hate this sort of thing and have a horror of getting caught up in the middle somehow especially as his ex's new bf is now very high profile and contributing to some of the problems. This is one huge benefit of my vile ex being totally out of the picture. I knew about this anyway but LM has posted about it on FB. Why???? He's not a prolific poster and I cannot understand why he would post about his problems with his ex. Can anyone throw any light on this? I know I could just ask him but I really want to keep out of it altogether.

watchoutforthatsnail · 02/02/2013 10:30

mrs c,i like that plan, i really do.

scrazy, honesly, im fine, im not upset i slept with him, heck, i wanted to, was totally what was going to happen, and im not in the habit of shagging men and then wondering why they dont want a relationship. im just narked about the change of personality and crapness of it.

Scrazy · 02/02/2013 10:37

Watch, it's like once they get their oats something turns. It's weird, I know. It happened to me all through my last 'relationship', where we didn't live together so I noticed it more. He wasn't shitty afterwards as such. Spent ages cuddling and I got a cooked brekkie but he acted almost cocky (excuse the pun). Then back to nice the next time I saw him. I wonder if it's how their hormones work.

Hope tonight goes better.

watchoutforthatsnail · 02/02/2013 10:40

hormones, pah, manners dont cost a lot.

Scrazy · 02/02/2013 10:41

Western, forgot to ask, are they divorced yet? The guy I'm meeting is only separated so I'm viewing it as a potential new male friend rather than anything else.

OhWesternWind · 02/02/2013 10:42

Divorce is going through but difficulties getting finances etc sorted.

watchoutforthatsnail · 02/02/2013 10:44

is it an exhasperated rant?

or does he have mutal friends and friends and its a ' shes a bitch' in discuise and point scoring?

Flipper924 · 02/02/2013 10:49

Scrazy, good luck for later! I'm only 6 weeks, and a friend at work said she had the same as well, with both of her (now very healthy) DSs, which is reassuring.

I agree with OWW, Nora, giving him warning might increase your chances of rearranging if you do have to cancel. Will keep my fingers crossed your immune system does you proud.

OWW, I'm not a prolific fb user, so when I do post something, it's because I want people to see it.

MsC, I also like your plan.

OhWesternWind · 02/02/2013 10:52

It's quite brief, no slagging off and doesn't make it sound like she's done anything awful, just that he's met her new bf. there are a couple of mutual friends on there but it just seems really odd.

watchoutforthatsnail · 02/02/2013 10:54

it is an odd thing to do.

I dont want to say anymore, because,well, its up to you how you feel about it, isnt it.

lubeybooby · 02/02/2013 10:54

OWW I would ask him just in an interested way

OP posts:

Scrazy · 02/02/2013 10:57

Western, if that's all he said maybe he just wants friends to know that her new relationship is all out in the open to stop the whispers. You could ask him how he is really feeling about it but doubt you will get an honest answer as he will be protecting your feelings too.

mercury7 · 02/02/2013 11:06

I've come across men who have a sort of 'shag & run' strategy, shower you with kisses/flattery, promises of sexual ecstasy, but what you get is a quickie so you feel like you're just a body for him to ejaculate into.
I suppose these types rarely have sex with the same person more than once so they dont get chance to develop any kind of sensual sexual repertoire?

I dont know if it is possible to spot them in advance, I suspect that excessive flattery / descriptions of what he wants to do to you may be red flags??

I dont think holding out until the third date or whatever will weed them out

lubeybooby · 02/02/2013 11:13

I agree mercury in this case at least it's clear it doesn't matter if watch had waited six months or six minutes - he's an idiot. end of. No amount of waiting for sex would change that.

Probably better in fact that they didn't get all hearts and flowers and wait a while only for his post sex inner arsehead to show itself.

OP posts:

mercury7 · 02/02/2013 11:21

these guys must know exactly what they are doing...it's kind of like scoring points off of women isnt it

holding out probably makes them worse...gives him more of an incentive to win
:(

sex can potentially be absolutely wonderful and enhancing and they just reduce it to something which diminishes both of you :(

watchoutforthatsnail · 02/02/2013 11:29

yes, i agree, if i had waited a month, or just gone for it, the outcome would have been the same. because its not me, its him.

He chased me incessintaly, probably a red flag, i faniced him, alot. So was flattered. Im a grown up. its ok.

And he thought the sex was great. it was just me that didnt. First time he was could hardly speak and then declared it awesome, and said i was most definaley a woman... not a girl.
Second time he could hardly talk, said his heart was pounding so much. I was unmoved, both times.

Scrazy · 02/02/2013 11:30

Holding out isn't about treating sex as a commodity, it's giving you both chance to see if there is a connection other than just attraction.

watchoutforthatsnail · 02/02/2013 11:33

to be fair, i didnt much care if there was a connection. i was happy with attraction, like i said, it was my choice, im not gutted, just disapoitned he was a bit of an arse.

i expect he wouldnt have shown that side until after he had got laid, when ever that might have been.

ike1 · 02/02/2013 11:35

Oh god I slept with one of those once....the most boooooooooooring sex I ever had...god only knows why I bothered..

OhWesternWind · 02/02/2013 11:41

Well Watch part of me thinks he wants people to know he's met his ex's bf either so they all know she's got a bf, or that he's aware of the situation so it can all be out in the open. Part of me just thinks it's odd. But I never post on FB, too worried about ex finding out info, and I've no idea if my ex has a gf, wife or anything, so I'm not sure what's normal for either of these things. I am just wary about somehow getting caught up in it, they are not amicable. I'm not worried about him getting back with her or anything but this is just odd. We'll talk about this when we see each other I think.

Hope your Aussie's good! Chin up.

watchoutforthatsnail · 02/02/2013 11:44

oh, i also now have a possible castle visit this afternoon with a marine biochemist. who is also australian. and also called dan.
its always dan, dan or james.

mercury7 · 02/02/2013 11:44

I'm in my mid 40's, I have never ever held out, I've had 2 marriages of 10+ years, and other relationships that lasted up to a couple of years.

I cant think of anyone who disappeared after sex when I'd have liked to see them again.
The only one night stands were with men that I didnt want to see again.

It does bug me when people suggest that women should hold out, because it feeds into the 'nice girls dont' bullshit.

Women can call the shots without having to withhold sex!!

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watchoutforthatsnail · 02/02/2013 11:47

i was married off the back of a one night stand.
i was engaged to someone else before that, off the back of a one night stand.

I want fireworks. i either fancy them and want them or dont. its the way im wired.

I have no regrets over sleeping with him, other than he was a dick. lol but its just one of those things.

VelvetSpoon · 02/02/2013 11:49

Ah, Watch thats such a let down! Stupid man. Can't believe the man vs food thing either...knobber. Do agree though that he is as he is, and until you'd shagged him you wouldn't have found out. So maybe in some ways getting it over and done with quickly is better, then you get to move onto dates with lovely Australians instead

watchoutforthatsnail · 02/02/2013 11:53

tease, come on, how did it go?

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