This is.. the dating chat thread, number 38

[lubeybooby]

All dating related chit chat, as usual... in here

off we go! :o

Lubey, I think there must be. I'm one of 8 (that I know of) in a department of 35ish who's either pg or on mat leave. Hug back.

OWW, I'm fine. For me, at 42, single and childless, it was a no-brainer. This could really be my last chance, so I'm embracing it!

Lubey, wow, goodness.
Yeah, you must be in terrible shock. Are you ok? how do you feel?
i second the advice from the other thread, think about what you want to do, before you tell him...
But thats all secondary right now, if you want a listening ear or anything, just let me know

Well I've set him a little test, he text back to say he would call and basically with his work and my collecting kids we wouldn't be able to speak till late, I said lets just leave it mainly because I know I will get all tearful on the phone and I hate that. He's offered to come over after work about 10pm ish. Am I perverse in saying I don't want a sympathy visit? A I know I should offer sort of reply?

So I have texted back, thanks for offering its up to you, I don't want to drag you over here when I know you wanted to go home tonight. I have been dealing with all sorts of shit today and not up for a phone call as I will just get tearful x

I'm a game player aren't I ? what I really wanted to say was yes please but I can't beat the thought that the offer wasn't genuine so I have to test it!

Oh lulu come on now that's not on. Poor fella doesn't know he's being tested. You really need to get your head around the fact that he likes you and seems a goodun and learn when to chill out, take a deep breath, do other things that fulfil your life instead of relying on getting every fulfilment from him - give him a little room and permission to have an off day just in case he needs one sometime

I know he doesn't mind but you're not being fair behaving like that. And he isn't your therapist, it's not fair to turn him into one.

Watch and all and everyone who has pm'ed thank you

it's slowly sinking in. I think.

I know you're right, I just always expect the worst to happen and almost try and prove it to myself, it can be self fulfilling I know that.

Setting unfair tests that he isn't aware of isn't going to help. Come on you know there's no sense in testing him like that when all he's done so far is prove himself.

Don't you ever talk yourself through things in your head? I do it all the time and mad as it sounds, it actually keeps me sane. I even argue with myself. The voice of reason always wins though! Like me typing here now but you saying this to yourself, and trusting it.

All very easy for me to say I suppose. It's like I have my own inner CBT system. If you have never had CBT maybe consider it?

I know I'm right royally fucked up as always he's the grown up and has just called and told me he is coming over, when I told him I didn't want a sympathy visit he said why would it be that when all I want to do is give you a hug and make you feel better?

I piss myself off so god knows it must do anyone else.

See if that were me I would be all aglow and awww happy happy loved up right now, not worrying that he's pissed off, and talking about myself so negatively the way you do.

Look, I'll say it - I do think you need some proper help. Not just counselling, but something to target these specific issues.

It's not fair to rely on him to fix you - I don't think anything he does will ever be enough.

Lulu Mr ExA sounds absolutely lovely, a RL hug, just what you needed

Fwiw I would kill for a hug right now and I bet I'm not the only one

I am enjoying the hugs. Very much needed!

juliette he is lovely and I do know that

lubey I do understand what you are saying and I know for my own sake I have to sort my crooked thinking out. I know he's not pissed off with me, I can hear that in his voice, but I also know that one day I could easily blow it all unless I get my head sorted. thanks for the advice I appreciate it, as always!

Lulu I also agree with what Lubey said.

Very happy for you Flipper

lulu He wants to be there for you. So let him.

Big hugs Lubey and Lulu

Just want to confirm I AIBU. Got chatting to a guy on a well known dating website. Seemed lovely so we exchanged mobile numbers. He told me he worked in the area near where I live. I joked I make a mean cup of tea. He then texted saying he was near me tomorrow and could he pop in. I texted back saying no as I don't know you so you can't come to my house. I expected an okay shall we meet in a public place. Instead I got a text telling me how pissy and snotty I am. How awful I was telling him I lived near his work. What did he think I was? He stated he is a decent guy he was just going to pop in and now I have made him feel shit and I am not a classy bird!
So clearly by the nature of that text exactly why I would not invite a stranger to my house! Just made me feel crap :((

I go to see les mis again and come back to a bit of a huge thing. Hope you're ok lubey. I'll track down your other thread.

lulu it's really difficult and awkward sometimes, because we're used to being strong and constructing very complicate dear our against hurt..but it's ok to accept affection and allow ourselves to feel a little vulnerable, when it's the right people. :) you'll be fine, because you know you're doing it and that's really brave to recognise in yourself.

cycle hello! guys a dick. Who the fuck invites himself over and then gets all snotty and calls you names when you say no because you don't actually know who the fuck he is. I'm actually fuming about this.

Lubey - that's a bit of a bombshell, it's early days, you have plently of time to get your head around it and do whatever it is you need to do

Lulu hope it all went fine last night when he came over.

Had a bit of a heart to heart with LM last night which has left me very, very confused. Apparently we are now at a crossroads. I have been up most of the night, not worrying just unable to sleep. I texted him at silly o'clock and he was awake too. No idea what to think or do.

western it went well in that he came over and was lovely but I still find it hard to open up and I need to talk to him to clear away demons but find it so difficult!

Poor you, I am around till 10am this morning before my big first work presentation in a long time! Do you want to pm me?

OWW Sorry you have had a sleepless night, I can see why. What crossroad? You know LM, is it better to leave ball in his court or try for clarity.

No much use am I. Sorry.

Cycle A dickhead of the first order.

lubes, hoping you are ok this morning and managed to get some sleep.

western, what happened? Not bagering, but as always, think about what you want and if your needs are being met.

cycle - no, hes a knob!

Snape, good luck for your date today.

Mine tomorrow, hes told me hes ' really really excited' about it. So, thats quite nice.