This is.. the dating chat thread, number 38

[lubeybooby]

All dating related chit chat, as usual... in here

off we go! :o

Sorry you're feeling low voice. I think a lot of it is time of year... We've just been bombarded by happy families consuming Xmas... Now the Vlentn*s day is just around the corner...and the anniversary of your girlfriends death. Things will get brighter! They will! :)

poor thing Voice:(
I hope you feel a bit better soon..I'd imagine the drama group must be pretty unrepresentative of the population in general?
in as much as you'd expect there to be a higher %age than that of single people.
Having lots of friends is worth quite alot you know..I guess most of us feel there's a gap in some aspect of our lives, but I know it's not always possible to focus on the positives!

Oh voice I am sorry, vent away.
39 is not old plus you've still got some of the 38 left.
Do all of the people you were out with know you are single and looking? Someone must know someone!

Have you tried another OD site? POF can be dismal.

mercury - am involved with several drama groups and there are very few single people; not all married, but mostly coupled. One or two in their early 20s and some of the older ones whose partners have died. I only have two friends who are single and the longer you go without even dating or meeting other singles the more you seem to notice it's pretty much just you. I'd like to go on my second foreign holiday this year, having finally plucked up the courage to go on a plane last year, but I won't go alone and I can't stand the idea of going on some group thing where I don't know anyone, it's just not for me. I was lucky in that my best friend came with me to Italy last year but I can't expect them to join me every time I want to go away!

well I dunno what to say Voice...I guess if I wasn't so reclusive I'd have a better idea of the single vs coupled ratio

grinchie - yes, everyone knows I am 'available'. I have more female friends than almost anyone I know but they don't seem to know any single females either. Only one has suggested someone but I didn't find her attractive and we had absolutely nothing in common at all (she hated theatre which, as someone who runs a theatre and acts and directs, really wouldn't ever work!). I did OD for 18 months on various sites and two dates was my sole success in all that time.

I seriously considered moving in the hope things might be better elsewhere but there's no guarantees and at least here I have my friends (as long as being with them doesn't make me feeling like a spare part )

I think it's also a biggish deal for me because
a) I can't have kids
b) I'm an only child
c) the only family I have left are my parents
so I suppose I do sometimes feel that if I don't find someone, then before too much longer I really will be alone and friends just aren't the same.

I have a wonderful best friend, who means the world to me and is like the sister I would have wanted and everyone thinks we should get together because we're so close and like the same things but there's nothing more there. It is totally brother-sister like (she has a brother but they never got on). If I didn't have her, at times, it'd be very tough.

Voice I feel for you, holiday planning is awful when you're single, especially if you don't have children either. Are you sure a group thing doesn't appeal? I did it informally last year and it was actually a really good way to balance holidaying alone with a bit of guaranteed company.

Eugh, have just found a twitter post-mortem of a recent date. I imagine it's like someone stumbling on this thread, but worse as crucial details are missing. He was either disappointed that I turned down his request for a second date or thought I was awful, but feeling desperate so chanced his luck, really can't tell either way...

Alittle - I did look into it last year, before my friend helped me out, but aside from them being a lot more expensive, they all seemed very specific and tailored for either a much younger age group or a much older age group and not much inbetween. And being a very new flyer, I don't really want to do more than a three-hour flight ideally. What I loved about going to Italy was having someone to share it with who wasn't a stranger.

You would probs be ideal for me voice...I have a drama degree, dont want any more kids and am an only...yeah that single thing...I dunno I am surrounded by single mums but I have a sneaking suspicion that I know most of the single guys my age in my area and the picture aint pretty....

Have to admit I have had a great, if expensive weekend ...socialised fri, sat and this lunchtime with lovely friends and went to see a great film...cant get much better than that!

Voice I am sorry you are feeling so low, sometimes it does just creep up on you. Spring is not far off, I do think this time of year can be a bit soul destroying, everything always seems better when the sun is shining.

As for your age I have ten years on you, and Im most definately not old. The kids thing, is very tough, one of my sisters can't have kids, heartbreaking. She is 58, in a 13yr LTR, getting married this year for the first time. I had my last child at 30, most of my friends were around that age as well, so I would think there are plenty of women in your age bracket where kids are not a factor.

I guess being an only child is difficult too, but you say you have a very close friend/sister, a good social life by the sound of it.

Can you tell I am a positive thinker This will pass.

Ike Your weekend sounds bloody great!

I have work today. Yay! Been living on overdraft for weeks, I am self employed and this is always a quiet time of year for me, just have to sit it out. Booked a couple more jobs in over the weekend.

And breathe

Aww Voice. Hope you're feeling better today. I still have frazzled brain syndrome so no advice for you but a whole load of sympathy

48, yay!

Alittle ugh that sounds very unpleasant

Morning all

I have had a full nights sleep for the first time in over a month. Quite a revelation.

Voice, the loneliness is all consuming sometimes - and I live with my adult children so rarely actually alone. January is a rotten month, spring is just around the corner and everything feels a little bit better when it starts to warm up

I haven't said anything to MrCM, we text all day yesterday and a few this morning. Need the wet fish please, I'm getting too wound up by it all. Can we go back to the days of school disco, slow dance, snog, 'will you go out with me' days please

Oh it would all b so much simpler MsC! I wish

Here's a [wetfish] for you

oh school disco's...wasnt it all just as much of a torment?
30 years on and I still dont have a clue :o
you are not alone MsC, i frequently ponder the ramifications of my various entanglements, come to a different conclusion each time, mostly I am just faintly embarrassed abou it all!

voice I'm with Ike on this (and other things).
I hope you feel brighter today.
I would think:
a) Great, I've had my kids and don't want any more.
b) Again, great. One of my SILs is horrible, what I wouldn't do to meet a man where that wouldn't be an issue!
c) Then seeing them must be a real pleasure.

I don't mean to sound glib, I absolutely understand but again I say there is a Jack for every Jill (feel free to bludgeon me everyone if I say that too often).

What have you tried? GSM seems good, as does mysinglefriend.

Also, have you seen this website?
My friend (a year older than you) does these all the time and has a great time, she says the singles holidays re almost entirely of her (and your) age range:

www.explore.co.uk/

One last thing, are you in a book group?
I suggest this because it may fit with your work & interests and they are often populated by women!

Getting excited about the Voice Ike date . . .

Seriously though Voice, it's crap feeling like that. Comes to us all. What I try and remember is that even at my loneliest now, it's never as bad as feeling lonely in a relationship. That's the real killer. But anyway, it's horrible and I hope the feeling passes soon.

grinchie - I spent 18 months in two stints, if memory serves, on POF, plus 6 months each on Match and MSF. I had a look at GSM a while back but, really, if you're not in London or one of the main cities like Manchester or Birmingham, it's next to useless.

I can understand women in their 30s who want kids and don't yet have avoiding guys who can't/don't want, but I was surprised how many single mums in their 30s still want more or are 'undecided'. Unfortunately although they are 'undecided' they won't date me because I make their decision for them, rather than them making it themselves (I've been told that by several women).

It may well be just this area. There are plenty of people in their 30s, but single ones seem to be in very short supply - both in RL and OD. I know others (who do want/can have kids) find the lack of singletons a problem, although it's not a sparsely populated area.

In the last year I have tried two book groups, two badminton clubs, one cookery class, one art class and joined yet another drama group. I think I may have exhausted most things except salsa dancing (which I did try twice but I was completely hopeless).

OWW - you're right, and I spent a couple of years feeling lonely in a relationship and that is definitely worse.

I just paid my tax. Urgh. Have earned more self employed during the past tax year which is good but paying tax now not so fun .

Lonely in a relationship is tragic. Worse because it's either a dirty little secret you can't share or if you do, friends often just don't get it. It can be soul destroying.

Same here Miranda, urgh indeed!

I was really lonely in my marriage. Just had no mental connection at all towards the end, my opinions and outlook in general changed so much.

I would waaaay rather be single forever than ever experience that again. and I already have three cats just need 27 more

Hello all I've been trying to keep up with you all but it's bloody hard!

Nothing much to report on the OD front - I was about to come off Match (having joined POF which, as you all know, is fine if you do lots of weeding/sieving) when I realised the bastards had stung me for a further 3 months' subscription. So, I figured I'd best keep plugging away

STBEx gave me a big sob story on Sat about how he misses the kids and isn't seeing anyone at the moment, which is obviously tough shit but even more so when he sent me a text by mistake in the evening which said 'Hi, I'm outside :) x' I mean, why lie? It's nothing to do with me whether he is or isn't seeing anyone and makes no difference to our situation. To quote my gran, he is a Shitehawk (the worst swearword in her repertoire)

Another sympathetic hand-squeeze from me, voice. It's hard being single in a coupled-up world - I've been single for 18 years apart from a 3 year LDR that ended 2 years ago because it wasn't going anywhere. I try hard to live single life to the full while having a look around for a partner who will enhance my life - but you can't make it happen, OD doesn't offer much, and I've just learned that my recent ex has found a GF, so I'm having to deal with a touch of jealousy that he's found someone but I haven't. It's just hard, sometimes.